He shifted his position with unhurried ease. “Like you, I would yearn to see the same.”
“Sir, this begs the question, where have you been that you would like to see again?”
“Pemberley.” He glanced at his boots. His throatconstricted. Swallowing, forcing his breathing to slow, he said, “When I was at Alderwood, my uncle’s estate, after leaving Pemberley, my valet placed the Darcy crest on the table next to my bed. Parker is an excellent man. Without a doubt, he was attempting to be encouraging, to help me keep my focus. The crest is a golden shield topped by a bough of red roses embroidered long ago by an ancestress on black wool. Across the front are two crossed swords with the word Pemberley in the middle. Underneath is the Darcy family motto,Legatum nostrum, Honor, Instead of reminding me of all that could yet be, I felt powerless, impotent, almost adrift from everything I have ever known. One moment I wasThe Darcy of Pemberley,in the next moment I was nothing. A victim of a crime of greed and envy.”
Dropping his head, his limbs felt as heavy as lead. “I wallowed in darkness for almost a day. That night as I lay awake, images of Pemberley’s cook threatening Richard and I with her rolling pin for pilfering strawberries from the garden popped into my mind. The stablemaster Mr. Burns approaching me to ask about the possible purchase of a neighbor’s colt also appeared. In my imaginings, we rode together to watch the animal break into exuberant runs around the corral, launching into playful bucking fits, arching his back and kicking his hind legs high. Colts are more enthusiastic than coordinated, especially when chasing butterflies or blowing leaves. But they are a wonder to see.”
He clasped his hands together. “That vision restored my conviction that life needed to go on for me. I…I wondered…before that happened, earlier in the day, if I…”
She rested her fingers on his arm, calming his pounding heart.
“Enough,” she softly whispered. “Tell me about the colt. Did you purchase him for the stables?”
His eyes burned. Inhaling deeply, he straightened his spine before placing his hand over hers, holding it in place. After a moment, he said, “I did. Sometimes when we retrieve an animal, we transport it in a high-sided cart. Since the owner was my closest neighbor, we put a halter on him and led him home.” Leaning back, he turned toward her, their knees bumping. “Lightning leaped straight up in the air with all four legs tucked beneath him. He hopped and bounced like an oversized rabbit, jumping sideways at his own shadow. By the time we reached the stables, I felt like the arm holding the rope was at least a foot longer than the other. Nonetheless, it was worth it for I have a horse who is sure-footed, fast, and strong.”
Her smile was more brilliant than the sun, warm enough to melt the frozen edges surrounding his heart and bringing light to his darkness.
His breath caught. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted his next breath. They were so close. His skin burned where they touched. He whispered her name, leaning closer.
He stopped.What on earth was he doing?He had no rights to share a kiss, an embrace. He could offer her little.
Jumping up from the log, he paced from one end of the bluff to the other until he regained the Darcy control. Unexpectedly, after his third trip back and forth, she joined him.
He adjusted his stride to hers. By the time he counted ten laps, he slowed. She stood silently alongside him.
With straightforwardness, he said, “I claimed at the Meryton assembly that you were not handsome enough to tempt me. Well, I was wrong.”
She turned toward the horizon, her face toward the sun. Closing her eyes, she said, her tone kindly, “Tell me your two fears, Mr. Darcy.”
“I fear not regaining my heritage, and I fear losing control.”
Her chin rose slightly. “I see. Where I cannot help you with the first, I will return to Longbourn, which should aid you with the latter. My family will be rising to break their fast soon. I would not want to miss the warm buns. Cook is from Bath where she worked in a shop that baked teacakes. Occasionally, she makes them for us. On my way out the door this morning, she might have mentioned that today was the day.”
Her light comment completely settled him until he felt like his feet were back on solid ground. Darcy would admit it to no one, but his affection for her was growing. What he would do about it, he had no idea.
Without looking at him, she curtseyed, then said, “Good morning, Mr. Darcy,” before descending the steep path. Not once did she look back.
Once Elizabeth reachedthe valley floor, she ran as quickly as she was able, hoping to outdistance her muddled thoughts. Slowing, she considered how she felt at the moment his hand covered hers. Her hearthammered so loudly she was certain he could hear it. Every nerve ending seemed to come alive at once. Her knees felt weak and unsteady beneath her as warmth flooded through her from head to toe.
Had Mr. Darcy almost kissed her?Why had he stopped? Did I want him to stop?Not at all. Covering her heated cheeks with her palms, Elizabeth vowed to never forget that moment. When he leaned closer, the world narrowed to just his face, his eyes. His lips. She could smell his cologne, his skin. The sound of his breathing filled her ears. When his head tilted, she knew the moment he held his breath.
“Oh, that man!” Elizabeth hissed into the void. Snapping a stalk of wheat left from the harvest, she stripped the grain from the shaft. No doubt, if she had a mirror, she would discover her grin reaching from ear to ear, her skin the color of the ribbon he purchased for Petey’s grandmother, and her eyes shining.
Stopping, she spun in place, her arms wide. Uncaring if he saw the demonstration of her happiness, she glanced back at Oakham Mount. The sun at his back gave him an unearthly glow. Raising her arm to wave, she was delighted when he waved back.
Elizabeth could not wait until the next day when she would see him again.
17
Darcy met Miss Elizabeth atop Oakham Mount every morning except Sunday for the following three weeks. As December loomed, neither the chill of the air nor the intermittent rainfall kept her from walking out each day. He was grateful for he had yet to receive a response from his sister, a crushing blow to his heart.
“Perhaps she never received the letter. Would her husband keep it from her?” Miss Elizabeth was always quick to reassure him that his effort was not in vain. “Sir, I cannot help but note that you appear disturbed. May I help you?”
Darcy forced himself to relax his facial muscles. She was too perceptive.“If only I could be as joyous as you.”
“Then let us see if our conversation will blow the black cloud hovering over you away.”
He readily agreed.
