His wife said, “My dear man, let us forget the small-mindedness of our neighbors. By the by, how was Petey?”
“Did you not see him at the back of the coach?”
Elizabeth spun around in the seat. “I did not. Is he still determined to show off his new shoes, then?”
Darcy cleared his throat, knowing he would ruin herbrave attempt to disregard the gossip from those whom she once considered to be her friends.
“Petey’s grandmother became gravely ill.” He clasped her hand in his, rubbing warmth through their gloves into her fingers. “Petey is now alone.”
“No!” Elizabeth’s sadness touched his deepest feelings.
“He has agreed to work with Bingley’s stable master as long as we are in Hertfordshire. Until I can find him a permanent home, he will remain with us.”
Elizabeth pressed her face into his shoulder. “Thank you for your kindness, Fitzwilliam.”
“I could do nothing else.”
She straightened. “Oh, yes, you could. You could have left him to struggle on his own. Instead, since you lost your fortune, you have gained a loyal valet, a beloved wife, and a devoted lad.”
“And me,” Georgiana added.
Darcy settled back against the squabs. “I am blessed indeed.”
28
Once Georgiana retired to her chambers, Elizabeth asked her husband, “Would you like to discuss what is weighing so heavily on your mind?”
From the minute they returned to Netherfield Park, Darcy remained withdrawn. Certainly, he had to be hurt by the false talk Mr. Collins was spreading around the community. And she knew that Petey losing his grandmother reminded him of his parental loss. But this level of quiet was unnerving.
After pacing for a bit longer, he finally settled next to her.
“My wife, if I allow the loss of my parents, my estate, and my reputation to be my sole concerns, then I am failing to look forward because I am focused on what is behind me. Also, I have no power to resurrect my mother and father, to reclaim my property, nor to control what people say about me. What I can control is the path we choose from this day on.”
“Fitzwilliam,” she began, only to have him interrupt her.
“No, Elizabeth. We need to talk about this. You see, with Darcy House destroyed and Pemberley likely in danger of losing money for the first time, I wonder if pursuing the full recovery of the estate is worth the effort, time, and expense.” He held up his hand when she started to speak. “Please allow me to set my thoughts in order.”
“Very well.”
He stood to pace again, speaking as he walked.
“Those who have kept on the watch for how matters were developing at Pemberley inform me that many of the tenants and servants have left for factories in the cities that pay much higher wages than I could ever afford. It is not solely because Wickham has been an unfair master since Uncle Hugh said that he, too, has lost valuable workers for the same reason. The life I led is changing. Soon, even sooner than I imagined, the costs of maintaining and running Pemberley would mean pursuing outside investments that could be risky.”
She understood the consequences of those events. What she did not know was how he felt about these changes. “What are you saying?”
He stopped, ran his fingers through his hair, then looked directly at her.
“I am trying to say that with Georgiana married to Wickham, there is still a Darcy at Pemberley, though it is not me. Thus, I feel strongly that we should look at all that has happened as an opportunity to take charge of our future.”
When he paused for breath, she said as calmly as possible, “I agree.”
He grinned. “I knew you would.”
His enthusiasm was infectious.
“Elizabeth, until now, I rarely considered how others live their lives. I have now been forced to observe that elegant clothing and a fine carriage do not show a man’s honor. Honor comes from being the best man I can be in my current circumstances. Striving to better our situation is a rational goal. Learning contentment with what we have and where we are right now can bring peace. My wife, had you asked me a month ago if I felt this way, I would have thought you were being insensible. Not now. I want…” He dropped to his knees before her. “No, I need to be free of Pemberley to root it out of my heart and my soul. Only then may we move forward with certainty.”
Elizabeth rested her palm on his cheek. “I love you, Fitzwilliam. I love the promise in the words you utter. Let us do that very thing: leave behind what is unchangeable and discover what can be.”
