“Choices.” He sighed. “As we grew older, Wickham began choosing immediate gratification over long-term effort. He chose to charm his way out of difficulties instead of facing them honestly. He chose to blame others for his failures rather than examine his ownactions.” The old pain appeared like a familiar weight. “I made excuses for him…kept believing he would change. Finally, I could no longer ignore what he had become.”
Elizabeth’s initial stiffness eased, and Darcy was emboldened to continue.
“I need you to understand that I know the price of making poor choices. I chose pride over kindness. I chose to judge you and your family by unfair, prejudiced standards. I chose to interfere in your sister’s happiness.”
“Mr. Darcy?”
“Please allow me to finish.” He stepped close enough to see the golden flecks in her dark eyes. “Wickham’s example has taught me the importance of choosing differently if I want to become better than I was. I now choose to become a man worthy of your regard, Miss Bennet. I want to court you properly, to spend time learning more about you while allowing you to see whether you might overlook my considerable flaws.”
The silence that followed stretched for an eternity. Surprise, uncertainty, and hopefulness cycled through her in quick succession. He could see it clearly. She took a small step back and then forward again, as if her body could not decide whether to flee or approach.
“A courtship,” she repeated slowly.
“A true courtship. Time spent together. Conversation. Shared experiences. An opportunity for us to discover whether we might suit.” Darcy pressed his lips together before forcing himself to be at ease. “I know I have no right to ask this of you. My past behavior has given you every reason to refuse. But I am asking anyway, because the alternative—continuing as mere acquaintances when I love you beyond all reason—is simply unbearable.”
Elizabeth caught her breath at his frank declaration. She turned away, paced several steps, and then returned to stand directly in front of him. Her breathing quickened.
“You speak of love,” she said. “How can that be possible with so little true knowledge of each other? Over the course of our acquaintance, we have been at odds more often than in harmony.”
“This journey is an opportunity for us to remedy that,” Darcy urged. “Let us spend the months ahead getting to know one another. Let me show you who I am when I am not trying to maintain appearances or protect my pride. Let me learn who you are when you are not defending yourself against my prejudices.”
Elizabeth studied him, and he forced himself to remain still under her scrutiny. Her internal struggle was visible in the play of emotions across her features. Doubt, curiosity, caution, and possibility.
“A courtship,” she said again. “With no promises beyond the agreement to know each other better?”
“None,” Darcy confirmed, the word nearly sticking in his throat. “Though I cannot profess that my feelings are uncertain. I love you, Elizabeth. That will not change regardless of what you decide about us.”
Another long pause followed. Darcy held his breath and prepared himself for disappointment.
Elizabeth walked to the edge of the courtyard, gazed out at the sea, then returned to him. “Very well,” she said with certainty. “I agree to your courtship. Let us see how we manage together when we are not armed against each other.”
The relief flooding through Darcy nearly buckled hisknees. “Thank you,” he whispered. Then he caught himself and straightened. “I mean to say…I am honored by your willingness to consider my suit.”
Elizabeth’s mouth curved in a relaxed smile, the first she had directed toward him since their reunion. “We shall see if your gratitude survives the experience of actually knowing me, Mr. Darcy. I may not be nearly as agreeable as you imagine.”
“And I may be far more difficult than you anticipate.” He grinned joyfully in response to her tease. “With that said, I expect we shall muddle along together.”
As they walked back to where the others were gathered, Darcy felt lighter than he had in months. He was courting Elizabeth. Whatever dangers lie ahead suddenly seemed manageable in the face of this one miraculous development.
Elizabeth Bennet had said yes.
19
Elizabeth stood at the stern of theMary Catherineas final preparations commenced around her, her heart beating with an irregular rhythm that had nothing to do with the gentle motion of the ship. For the first time, Elizabeth would be sharing close quarters with the Darcy party, and more significantly, with the man who openly confessed his love for her.
A flutter of anticipation rippled through her. She noticed with some amusement that her eagerness paled beside Mr. Darcy’s scarcely contained energy. He stood nearby, ostensibly supervising the loading of their luggage, but his full attention was fixed solidly upon her.
“Miss Bennet!” Lieutenant King called up to her. “I have a gift for you.”
Mr. Darcy stepped forward to stop the blatant lapse in decorum. Personal gifts between unattached males and females were not permitted, no matter how kindly meant. At the last minute, he eased his stance.
Before the officer could approach, Elizabeth steppedcloser and wrapped her fingers around Mr. Darcy’s arm, murmuring, “A telling moment at the start of our courtship, sir. I would say that this is a good beginning.”
“I must beg your leniency, my lady. I am new at this. I have never offered courtship before. Nor have I been in love with a female other than my mother, sister, and Richard’s mother. I assure you, what I feel for you is far beyond familial affection. You will forever be special to me, Elizabeth, no matter how this courtship progresses.”
This was a surprising side to Mr. Darcy that she had not anticipated. Having the freedom to speak privately was already revealing new facets of his character.
Lieutenant King held up a portfolio tied with ribbon, and Elizabeth discerned that he bid farewell with more of his drawings. But the gangway had already been removed, and she could not reach them.
