“And your mother?”
“I was twelve when she died,” Darcy sighed. “She was certainly warmer than my father. More inclined to laughter, more interested in books and music than in accounts and estate management. Had she lived longer, I think she might have tempered some of Father’s severity.”
Elizabeth ached for the boy who had lost his mother’s softening influence at such a crucial age. She took his hand in hers. “Do you provide your sister with the warmth your own childhood lacked?”
“Perhaps,” Darcy acknowledged, “though I fear that I have erred in the opposite direction. I may have prevented her from experiences that might have made her stronger.”
“What do you hope for her future?”
“Happiness,” he answered immediately. “Not the careful, constrained existence I originally planned for her, but genuine joy in whatever path she chooses. If she has a life that delights her, I will be content.”
Elizabeth’s eyes misted. “What if she falls in love with a man who has no fortune or great connections?”
“It matters not,” Darcy confirmed. “I recently learned that worth cannot be measured in acres or annual income.”
The complete reversal of his perspective astonished her. “You sound like a different man from the one who once discouraged Bingley from pursuing Jane.”
“It was one of the worst errors of judgment I have ever made. I am wretched for the pain it caused.”
“Jane and Bingley found their way to each other despite your interference,” she said. “Perhaps that makes their happiness even more precious.”
“Perhaps, but that does not excuse my actions.” Darcy shook his head slowly. “Besides trying to escape my own attachment to you, I convinced myself that I was protecting Bingley from an unwise attachment, when in truth I was imposing my own narrow view of what constituted a suitable match.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“You did,” he said simply. “You defended your family with such dignity. Additionally, I saw the love that binds you together despite your differences in temperament. It forced me to recognize that there is wealth that has nothing to do with money.”
“What wealth do you mean?”
“Loyalty. Laughter. Security in knowing you are loved unconditionally, regardless of your flaws. Courage to speak your mind even when it is uncomfortable. Wisdom to see people as they are, not the way society labels them.”
“I believe you possess those qualities as well,” she said.
“Do I?” Darcy asked, genuine uncertainty in his voice. “I have been weighing whether this journey has revealed who I truly am, or whether it has simply allowed me to become someone different.”
“And what is your conclusion?”
“I think perhaps both,” he answered seriously. “The capacity for change was always within me, but it required the right situation to emerge. Meeting you, facing challenges that could not be solved through wealth or reputation, discovering that the world is far larger and more complex than Pemberley’s boundaries?have combined to strip away pretenses I did not even realize I maintained.”
She asked, “Are you glad?”
“I am,” he replied. “Even if this ended tomorrow, even if we discover no ancient scrolls in Alexandria, it will be worthwhile for what it has taught me about myself and what matters in life. And it has given me a chance to become the man I hope will win the heart of the woman I love.”
“As I already mentioned, the feelings of the woman you love are far deeper than she initially realized.”
Darcy went very still.
She was delighted at his willingness to share his thoughts and savored this opportunity to learn more. “Fitzwilliam,” she said eventually. “What frightens you most about what lies ahead?”
He was quiet for a long moment, his lips pressed together. Finally, he said, “In Alexandria, I fear for our safety. Wickham is still pursuing us, and we will beventuring into unfamiliar territory with unknown dangers. I fear failing to protect those I care about.”
“That responsibility is shared among all of us,” Elizabeth stated firmly. “Your cousin may be dressed in merchant’s clothing, but he is a trained military officer. My father has been the head of our household for several decades. I am not a helpless ornament requiring constant protection. Mrs. Bell knows more than any of us about how to handle herself in these foreign countries. We are all capable of making informed decisions about acceptable risks.”
“You have a remarkable ability to restore perspective when my thoughts grow too dark.”
“And you have a remarkable ability to ensure that all practical concerns are addressed before problems arise,” she replied. “We balance each other well in that regard. But you mistook my meaning. What are your fears in a more general sense?”
“Once we are back in drawing rooms and ballrooms, will we have opportunities to speak privately or to be together without interruption? Will the demands of others constantly come between us?”
