"I know, Ella. I just want to hold you." His voice was sandpaper rough, barely restrained. The bed sank as he rolled onto his side, his rigid cock pressing against my hip, grinding gently but not pushing in. His arm locked tight across my chest, his nose buried in my neck. We were pressed so close I felt his heart hammering against my spine. I could feel how much restraint was costing him.
"You need to leave." I sighed, forcing my voice cold.
Lucas went stiff.
"Why?" he mumbled against my neck, sulking like a kid whose candy got snatched away. He licked my neck, as if that would satisfy him.
I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't dare think what might happen if this night continued. Maybe he'd snap. Maybe I would.
"Overnight guests require advance notice to the dorm manager." I pulled the blanket over the bottom half of my face. "I don't want to pay fines or deal with neighbor complaints."
"Ella." His voice carried something close to pleading.
Obviously, he saw right through that excuse.
"Lucas, I need space." I closed my eyes, refusing to look at that devastating face.
I had to make him leave. For the sake of that barely-formed child in my belly, I couldn't fall again.
"Ella, it's pouring outside." Lucas frowned, trying to bargain. "I can bribe the manager. Or I'll sleep on the couch."
Raining?
I held my breath and listened. Sure enough—the patter of rain.
I hadn't realized I'd been so lost in him I'd missed the weather changing.
"Go, Lucas." I turned away ruthlessly, giving him my back. "If we keep holding each other like this, neither of us will sleep. I'm still sick. I need rest."
I heard his heavy sigh, then the rustle of him dressing. At the door, he lingered, asking quietly, "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing serious. Doctor said I'm fine." I clutched the blanket, not daring to look up, downplaying it as much as possible to keep him from digging deeper. I was terrified that if he knew about the baby, my fragile peace would shatter again.
Lucas's gaze stayed on me from the doorway, but I never turned around. Not until I heard the heavy thud of the door closing. Then I let out a huge breath.
A minute or two later, I sprang from bed like a wound-up toy, bare feet hitting the floor as I rushed to the window.
In the sickly yellow glow of the streetlight below, I watched Lucas push through the building door straight into the downpour. He didn't run to his car parked in the distance. Didn't ask the manager for an umbrella. Just walked, impossibly slow, letting the rain soak through his expensive custom shirt in seconds. The wet fabric clung to his broad back.
He stopped and looked up at my lit window through the rain, standing there for a long time while cold water streamed down his face. Through that dense curtain of rain, I couldn't read his expression, but I felt something radiating from him I'd never felt before—complete bewilderment.
But I steeled myself and yanked the curtain shut.
I lay in bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling. His faint tobacco scent lingered. His body heat still warmed the sheets.
I closed my eyes, but my mind stayed sharp.
Get a grip, Ella.
You can't erase two years of cold violence because of one apology, one kiss.
Lucas came back because he'd never been abandoned before. He was just chasing prey that got away.
Obviously. That was the only explanation. Men always chase novelty.
I could enjoy his affection, but I couldn't love him again.
For my sake, for the baby's sake, I had to stay clear-headed and controlled.
