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Except he did. Of course he did. And in the moment she’d asked he’d known what a pathetic coward he was, because he’d been afraid to admit it. The most crucial moment of his life, and he’d blown it out of fear. He’d lied, because it had seemed easier. It had felt safer. Because letting her walk away now was surely better than letting her hurt him later…or, heaven forbid, hurting her.
Except he’d just hurt her unbearably.
I don’t love you. The cruellest words he could have said, as terrible as the words his mother had said to him, which had tormented him for decades. How could he have done it? How could he have let himself?
It would have been worse later, he told himself for the tenth time. Surely it would have been worse later.
Except right now it felt like hell.
He shifted in the bed, knowing sleep would never come. Would she really leave in the morning, with Ella? Had he just fractured his family, and for what purpose? He’d convinced himself he’d been noble, saving her from a loveless marriage. How deluded was he, thinking that was the right choice? Mia had seen through him, of course. She’d known what this was really about.
It wasn’t about him not loving her…it was about him loving her too much. It was about how loving someone meant losing yourself, just as they’d both feared, in their own ways. And gaining so much more…if Mia loved him back.
Why was he so scared to risk it? Risk himself? Could this really, possibly, be better?
It had to be.
The next morning, after a sleepless night, Alessandro came downstairs to find Mia already packed, Ella in her arms.
‘You’re going already…’ Even though he’d been expecting it, he could scarcely believe the sight in front of him.
‘It seems better.’ Mia’s voice was flat, her shoulders slumped. She looked as if all the life had drained out of her, as if the very will to live had been sucked from her soul.
He’d done this, Alessandro realised. This was his fault. This was all going so horribly wrong, simply because he hadn’t had the courage to take the biggest risk you could in this life…loving someone else. Giving them your heart. Accepting theirs in return.
And he knew he couldn’t let it end this way. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t live life as a coward, unwilling to take the biggest risk of all, to let go of control and hand someone his heart. ‘Mia, wait.’
She looked at him with lifeless eyes, Ella clutched in her arms. ‘Do you love me?’ he asked, the words raw, his voice quavering.
She stared at him blankly, her face so weary and sad, tears nearly stung his eyes. ‘Why are you asking that now, Alessandro?’
‘Because…because it’s important. Because I should have asked last night, when you asked me.’
‘Why do you care, when you’ve already told me how you feel?’ Mia responded quietly. ‘Do you just want to pour salt into my wound? Isn’t it enough that you don’t love me?’
He hesitated, poised to fly, afraid to fall. Even now, with everything at stake, he held back. And in his silence was his condemnation.
‘I’ve called a taxi,’ Mia said. ‘It should be here now.’
Alessandro glanced at her one small travel bag. ‘Where are your bags?’
‘I’m leaving everything here. I… I don’t want it. I certainly don’t need all those fancy gowns and things.’ From outside they heard the crunch of tyres on gravel. Mia hoisted her bag in one hand, Ella in her car seat in the other.
> This was it. The end. She was really leaving, because he was going to let her.
Do you love me?
She hadn’t answered the question, and Alessandro couldn’t blame her, considering what his own response had been last night.
He’d said he wasn’t capable of love, or even that he knew what it was, and yet…what if he did?
What if in this moment he really did?
What if real love wasn’t a safe landing, but a dangerous fall? What if it was risking everything, not knowing the result? Letting yourself get hurt, because that was part of the whole, terrifying, incredible deal?
Mia was at the door, one hand reaching for the handle, the seconds sliding past far too fast.
‘Mia!’ His voice came out in a shout of command that made her stiffen. ‘Mia,’ he said more softly. ‘Please wait.’
