Several wedding photos line the back wall, with the largest frame featuring the brunette woman sitting behind the desk and another woman with bright pink hair exchanging vows. The other pictures are too small to see if the clerk herself is in them, but the subjects remain clear: women in white, men in tuxedos, bridesmaids in every color of the rainbow.
Then there are the wedding toppers lining the top of the file cabinets. Some of them look antique, the clothes old fashioned and the paint chipped. Others are novelty, with cartoon characters from every major franchise tying the knot. There aren’t any of the ‘ball and chain’ joke toppers, only ones that show loving couples in happily wedded bliss.
We aredefinitelyin the wrong place.
“Good morning!” the clerk exclaims, standing up to greet us. “I’m Stephanie, it’s nice to meet you both.” She makes a point of offering us her left hand.
As I shake her hand, my eyes are drawn to the large solitaire diamond engagement ring and the wedding band next to it.Does she insist on shaking left-handed so she can show it off?I wonder if she’s newly married and still excited or if it’s a habit she cultivated years ago.
She settles behind her desk and gestures for us to sit down. Then she leans forward and whispers, like she’s confiding a big secret, “I love weddings. Issuing the marriage license is my favorite part of the job. And I’m not supposed to be biased, I know, but I reserve a special place in my heart for queer weddings.” She picks up a rainbow flag from the mug on her desk and waves it in the air to emphasize her point.
Once she finishes showing her pride, she plunks it back in the mug. It clinks and rattles for a moment before settling, the sound echoing in the room because Euan and I are too stunned to say anything.
“So, let’s get your application started!” She pulls forms out from a stack on her desk and lays them before us. “Dylan said you had some special circumstances?”
Special circumstances?A strangled noise escapes my throat.
At least Euan manages to find his voice. “He didn’t explain the whole situation to you, did he?”
For the first time, Stephanie’s enthusiasm dims. “No, he just said you had a few concerns?”
I glare over my shoulder at the closed door, hoping Dylan can feel my disapproval at his understatement.Few concerns, my ass. I bet he purposefully didn’t tell her we didn’t want to be married so he wouldn’t have to deal with her response.
“We were married in a virtual ceremony Saturday night and are questioning the legitimacy of it,” Euan explains. “Dylan couldn’t find us in the system, so he said we’d need to speak to you.”
“Oh, of course! Virtual marriages were all the rage a few years ago”—she gives us a significant look, implying the reason without spelling it out—“but they’re not as popular these days, so the ins-and-outs are a little murkier. Ialwaysrecommend an in-person wedding whenever it’s at all possible to avoid any issues. What service did you use?”
“Virtual Vows.”
She winces and hisses through her teeth.
I sit up straighter at her response. “Are they a scam?”Please be a scam,I repeat in my head, as if I can manifest that result into existence.
She hesitates before explaining, “They aren’t ascam, they are a legitimate service.”
I slump back in my seat. Euan brushes the back of his fingers over my hand, the gesture comforting but all too brief. He pulls away after only a second.
“The problem is the price. If you apply for a marriage license with me, it’s under fifty dollars, even if you need expedited processing. Through Virtual Vows, well …”
“It’s six hundred,” I mutter.
“Six hundred!” she exclaims, then whispers a quiet apology. “Sorry, but the last time I checked, it was only three hundred.”
“We paid for expedited,” Euan explains, his expression flat.
“Wow, you guys werereallyeager to get married.”
I sigh and put my head in my hand. “We were drunk.”
She winces. “Oh. That complicates some things.”
I perk up, sitting straighter in my seat. I feel like a spring someone is playing with, stretching it taut and letting it bounce back into shape. “Because it invalidates the marriage?” I ask hopefully.
“Let me review everything first,” she says, turning back to her computer. “It looks like they sent me the full package on Saturday night. They’ve got your application for the license, copies of your government identification, the signedcertificate, and the required video of the ceremony.” After a few clicks, she pops an earbud into one ear. Her brow furrows in concentration as she watches something on the screen.
The minutes crawl by at a snail’s pace. My leg starts jiggling, shaking mine and Euan’s chairs. By now, Theresa would have grabbed my thigh, forced me to be still. Euan does nothing. I almost wish he would, even if it’s only the brief touch from earlier. I imagine his large hand splaying across my thigh to keep me in place. Or maybe to spread me open wider so he can—
“Alright!” Stephanie exclaims.
