Once again, I watch Theresa recenter herself. It seems so easy for her to find balance in any situation while I’m always the one left slightly off-kilter. “You’re right. For the duration of this annulment, I am your attorney first. We can revisit any other aspects of our relationship once you’re a free man again.”
‘A free man’, as if marriage is a prison I’ve accidentally landed myself in. I don’t have the energy to argue with her further. “Thank you.”
She puts her heels back on, and I open the door for her. On her way out, she pauses and says, “I stand by what I said earlier. Euan should find somewhere else to stay.”
“It’s getting late,” I reply, though it’s not even seven o’clock.
The displeased twitch returns but she wrangles her expression into a professional smile. “I’ll contact you when we’re ready for the next step.”
I close the door so quickly, I almost catch her heel in the frame. Every part of me suddenly feels too heavy. I lock the door and lean against it, squeezing my eyes shut.When did our relationship become so strained?Long before the breakup. It’s a miracle we ever made it to the proposal.
Though ‘miracle’ is probably the wrong word. What’s the opposite of a miracle? Disaster? Curse? Tragic course of events that led to the worst possible outcome for all involved?
Not the worst outcome.Euan is not my worst outcome. If I’m honest with myself, marrying Theresa would have been a worse fate. One where I would have willingly lay down before her and allowed her to grind me under her heel.
Sighing, I straighten up and text Euan.
Theresa’s gone. You can return home now.
It’s only after I hit send that I realize I called it ‘home.’
I clean up the pizza box and a few other things while I wait for his response. When the message does come in, it’s not what I expect.
Euan
In a meeting.
The disappointment is quiet, soft, a little whisper at the back of my mind, but it’s there.
You spent all day with him.
But I wanted to spend all night with him too.
The dueling voices in my head could bicker all night if I let them. It doesn’t help that I’m still keyed up from kissing Euan, that I didn’t find any release. All I did in the bathroom earlier was wash my face and will my erection to go down.
If he’s in a meeting anyway …
I return to my bedroom, to the green bag I stuffed under my bed, as if anyone was going to snoop around my space. Whatever happens with Euan, I’m glad I had the forethought to buy the training kit and some lube.
Inside are three different plugs of increasing size, all with a curve to them like a curled finger. I grabbed a random kit off the shelf, but maybe I should have paid a bit more attention to size and other things. It’s been a while since I’ve done any kind of anal masturbation, and longer since the last time I bottomed. Irememberenjoying it, but in a faded, detached kind of way.
It’s probably a good thing I have a little time to explore myself before going any further with Euan. If Idon’tenjoy playing with my ass, that could affect our developing dynamic. Or send it crashing to a halt.
I unbuckle my belt and drop my pants and underwear to the floor. I leave my shirt on. There’s something about beingcompletelynaked while I do this that feels more vulnerable.
Then I lie on the bed, the plug in one hand, lube in the other. I glance down at my dick, so eager for attention earlier,now sitting soft between my thighs. Everything feels awkward and clinical rather than exciting.
Maybe it’d be better if I positioned myself on my knees?
I roll over onto my hands and knees. It doesn’tfeelbetter. Without someone behind me, taking control, I just feel kind of alone.
You’re overthinking this.I flop onto my back and try to focus on what I’m doing rather than how I’m doing it. I pour the lube into my hand and generously coat the plug, then turn my attention to my hole. With one lubed up finger, I circle the entrance for a second before slipping it inside.
It’s still awkward, but it’s not too tight or uncomfortable. The toy is a little bigger than my own fingers, closer in size to Euan’s.
Arousal sparks at the idea.Okay, so knowing they’re my own fingers isn’t very fun. But if I picture Euan fingering me, spreading me open for him …
My breath hitches and I shift restlessly, carefully stroking my finger in and out. It’s not quite enough to continue fueling the fantasy, so I grab the toy and line it up at my entrance. I move slowly at first, careful not to push too much in too soon. The plug is somewhat tapered, so the more I insert, the more intense the stretch becomes.
