“I won’t believe he’s dead,” I sniffled. “He’s too tough. Too smart. There’s no way someone just ended his life. He has to be alive.”
“I keep thinkin’ the same thing, darlin’ and I pray we’re right. I was so pissed wi’ him when last we spoke. I don’t want things between us te end that way. That over bearing arse is like a brother te me. A really annoying, slightly feral brother.”
I looked to Dio to gauge where he was at and I was relieved to see his anger seemed to have abated from his face some.
“I’ll make some calls and see if anyone knows anything, but I’m not promising that I won’t land a few blows when I see the bastard, for what he did to you,” Dio warned.
“I’m not even mad about that anymore.”
“You should be. It’s not acceptable for anyone to leave bruises on your body, Cara, no matter what led to it happening. Whatever happens, if you accept Dante back into your life, you have to make that very clear. Don’t ever allow him to think what happened that night was alright. It wasn’t,” Dio told me.
“He’s right,” Arran agreed.
I nodded, knowing it was all true. Maybe I should still be fuming with Dante for the way he broke my trust and terrified me that night. But he had been gone so long that I knew if I ever saw him again, all I would be able to feel was earth shattering relief that he wasn’t dead. And if we were too late and he was gone – well than a piece of me would die along with him.
***
CARA
I’m sorry I had to leave. I’m worried about you.
I never wanted things to end up this way.
I’m sorry that the happiness I have found is making
you so upset, but I can’t let them go, Rafe, and I
don’t want to lose you either. I love you x
I took a deep breath and hit the little symbol to send the message. It was the middle of the night and I hadn’t heard a word from my brother. I knew he was home and safe, because Dio had been checking in with Brax all afternoon and evening, and he was still in the house with Rafe, but it didn’t stop me from worrying or feeling guilt.
A cold wind swept over me and I wrapped the blanket I was swathed in, tighter around myself. I was sat out on the balcony of our hotel suite,bare feet tucked beneath me against thecold. The night air bit at my skin, but it felt better than lying in bed staring at the ceiling while my thoughts tore me apart.
Despite the ridiculous hour, there was still a low buzz of life in the city below me,like it had no intention of ever sleeping– cars racing way too fast down the streets, late night revellers laughing and calling to each other as they stumbled their way home. I glanced over the balcony and sighed. Londonlooked almost unreal at this hour - ribbons of headlights threading through wet streets, the slow pulse of red aircraft lights blinking atop distant buildings. Somewhere far below, a siren wailed and faded.I found it all oddly comforting. It reminded me of the noise that used to come through the draughty, rotten old windows of my apartment back in Chicago.
I’d left Cal in bed and slipped out, unable to sleep or even lay still. I just felt too anxious about everything, but especially Dante and Rafe. Things were so raw and angry with Rafe, and so unknown and terrifying with Dante. I felt the need to do something to get to the bottom of each situation, and yet I didn’t know where to even begin. The text message was a feeble attempt to offer an olive branch to Rafe, but I also knew how stubborn he could be, so I didn’t exactly expect any reply from him.
And Dante? I had no idea. No simple text message was going to bring him back and I knew it. I’d sent enough. Finding Dante was going to be a lot more complicated and likely dangerous, not that the thought put me off. I’d be out on the streets working to locate him right then, if I had the first clue where to even begin. Instead I needed Dio to start that ball rolling and he was far from enthused at the prospect.
I checked the screen of my phone, desperate for an answer from my brother, but there was nothing, the screen dark. I blinked away the tears from my eyes. How did everything get so messed up? Rafe was alone. The thought circled endlessly, vicious, and sharp. He was injured and suffering, and I had left him all alone. Was he angry with me? How could he not be when I had walked out on him as I had?
But I needed him to see reason. Just because I was his little sister, and he was insanely protective of me, it didn’t mean I could allow him to dictate my life. I was an adult and I had to find my own path. I’d love to do that with Rafe at my side, but he couldn’t step out and stop me each time he worried I was making a mistake. He couldn’t threaten men he considered family because they had the misfortune to fall for me.
Yeah, I kept on telling myself that, but it didn’t make me feel any less guilt.
I squeezed my eyes shut to stem more tears from falling and forced myself to take a breath. The panic that I had fractured my relationship with Rafe was terrifying me more than anything. What if things between us could never be the same again?
I shouldn't have left him like that. I knew how stubborn he was when he was hurt. He wouldn’t want Brax or any of his men to see him as vulnerable or weak. He’d never ask them for help, no matter how badly he may need it. Would he ever forgive me for leaving him when he needed me most? What if he never spoke to me again? I couldn’t live with that, but I couldn’t lose the men I loved either.
And Dante - God. It had been months without a single word. No calls. No messages. No trace.
My mind raced with anxiety ridden thoughts, one after another, flitting between the messes in my life and keeping me on the cusp of falling apart. Every day that passed hollowed me out a little more, until even breathing felt threaded with dread about what came next. I kept imagining the worst things possible because my brain wouldn't let me imagine anything else; kept on replaying the worst moments of my disaster filled life in vivid repeats. It was hard to stop myself going to every single worst case scenario when I had so many of those to look back on and regret.
The balcony door slid open behind me startling me from my downward spiral. Warm light spilled across the tiles as I swiped a hand over my wet cheeks tiredly.
“Cara?” Cal rasped, his voice rough with sleep.
I looked over my shoulder to find him standing barefoot in the doorway, hair messy, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Concern immediately replaced the sleepiness in his expression when he saw me sitting there.
