“Raina, I?—”
“Let me by, Luciano.” She glances back, but I’m hardly in her way. I’ve stepped inside the apartment now where she can easily breeze past me, and I’dneverrestrict a woman from exiting a room.
But the closer she gets to the door, the more erratically my heart beats. If she leaves, there’s no telling when I might get this chance again.
“Baby, stop.” My hand catches hers at the exact moment our bodies are aligned, my fingers lacing with hers instinctually. “Please, just listen.”
Raina’s eyes drag from our connected hands up to mine, and I feel her tremble. Her voice is nearly a whisper when she snaps, “What, Luce?”
Luce.
I still have a chance.
Bringing her hand to my lips, I kiss the back of it, and she doesn’t pull away. Her gaze locks with mine, and for several beats of my heart, I simply stare into her eyes. Everything I’d rehearsed in my head, every trace of the apology I’d practiced, is completely lost, and I know I have to speak from my heart.
“I screwed up. Under no circumstances should I have believed Javier’s word over yours. Walking away from you that night was the dumbest thing I could have done.” Without lettinggo of Raina’s hand, I pull her further into the room and place the bouquet on the small table next to the couch. “I’ve hated every second of every day we’ve been apart. I’ll admit, the first few days I needed time to think, but it wasn’t about your involvement, or lack thereof.”
“Where’s he going with this?” Sly whispers under his breath, glancing at Enzo.
“Fuck if I know.” He shrugs.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I tune them out and refocus on Raina. “What Iwasthinking about was how much of an idiot I was to trust the word of a manipulative con artist without doing any research on my end. It’s my job to gather information, and I didn’t. I told you from the beginning I didn’t want to mix business with pleasure, although at the time I called it a conflict of interest. Because that’s exactly what it was, baby. A conflict ofinterest. Not because of your connection to my sister, but because I was interested inyou. I had been for a long time before I admitted it to myself. I’d already fallen for you.”
The more words flow out of me, the more the tension melts from my body, and I roll my shoulders back, gaining my confidence tenfold.
“I should’ve said all this to you weeks ago, but once those first few days passed, the further I succumbed inside of my own mind. The seeds of doubt Javier planted were in full bloom, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Every fiber of my being screamed, reminding me I trust you wholeheartedly, but what was eating me alive was that I couldn't trustmyself. My judgment lapsed, and even though you weren’t there to witness it, I kept fucking up in my head over and over and over again.”
“Luciano…”
“No, please let me continue.”
“This is like a car accident,” Sully mutters to Sly and Nixon from behind his hand.
“One I can’t look away from,” Nixon agrees.
“When’s he going to give her the gifts? He should have led with those,” Sully whispers, although it’s not quiet at all.
Cecilia sends them a scathing glare. “Guys. Shut up.”
I ignore the peanut gallery gathered around the table, not breaking eye contact with Raina. My heart is bleeding out between us, and the only one who can heal it isher. “Nothing I say is going to make up for how I’ve acted, but I want you to know I am so irrevocably in love with you, and I’msofucking sorry. I’m not expecting you to accept my apology right away, nor do I want it. I’m going to work for this, Raina, and I’ll spend every damn day of my life making this up to you, if that’s what you need. So I’m telling you right now, in front of all of our friends, because if there’s anything these last few months have taught me, baby, it’s that I’m only whole when you’re near me. Without you, I am a shell of a man, half of the person I know I can be because you turn me into that man worthy ofyou. I need you, just like I need air to breathe and food to survive. I can’t sustain a life without you, and I don’t want to.”
Her eyes glisten with unshed tears. I’ve said everything I needed to get off my chest, and now it feels like the natural progression would be to kiss her, which I’m desperate to do, but there’s still so much unspoken between us.
I need to know where we stand.
I need her to forgive me.
She inches closer to me, just the smallest of steps, but it inflates my heart like the wind hitting a sail. “Why couldn’t you have just talked to me? You had no reason to shut me out, but you did, and you refused to hear my side.”
“Iknow, and I’m so sorry,” I stress, and I mean it more than anything in the world. “I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for how I acted. Instead of thinking rationally, I let my emotions get the best of me. It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.”
“Icing me out for almost a full week is unacceptable, Luciano. How do you know you won’t do this again with future fights? Because wearegoing to fight, and I’m not sure I can’t trust you to stay and work through it with me.”
“This willneverhappen again.” Reaching up to cup her face in both my hands, I tilt her head back so I’m the only thing she sees. “I love you. I love you so much it consumes me.”
For several seconds, she says nothing, just searches my eyes, her beautiful blue to my gray. My jaw clenches as I hold my breath and wait as patiently through the silence as I can, trying to give her time to process.
To my surprise, the rest of the room is quiet too, our friends waiting with bated breath around the dining table, all facing toward us and listening intently. The nervous energy flits through the entire apartment, but I don’t pull my gaze from hers, nor do I press forward to close the distance between us like I want to.
