“That is paranoid.”
“Yes, but it’s the way of the world, or at least the way of spyware on our phones and thermostats.”
“So the V-man-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Near-Phones said you had to divorce me, too? That we had to get divorced and annulled immediately?”
Nicolai paused.
He paused for a lot longer than I would have expected, considering his snappy answers to all my arguments.
He finally muttered, “Not exactly.”
“What do you mean,not exactly?Whatexactlydid he say?”
Nicolai scowled a real eyebrow-clenched scowl. “He said that we muststaymarried because I was absolutely not to becomeinvolved with the Volkov organized crime family and especially shouldn’t marry Demyan’s daughter.”
Surely, I could not have heard him right. “Wait, that’sthe oppositeof what that other guy said.”
“Yes.”
“Or else he’ll do what?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, come on. We may not have known each other that long, but I can tell when you’re evading the question. What was the threat this time? Me? You?”
“Yes.”
“Yes?The Russian government’s hit manthreatened both of us if we didn’tstaymarried?”
“It seems that way.”
“Shouldn’t we do whatthe entire Russian governmentand all their spies and assassins and secret agent killerswantus to do, rather than worry about one pissant mafia boss dude?”
“It doesn’t matter which one we’re more concerned about.” He encroached on me and grabbed my hands, holding my knuckles against his chest. “I want you to be safe. And if I have to break my own heart and send you away, then I’ll be very glad each day that I know you’re safe.” Desperation choked his voice. He bowed his head. “I’ll find a way to survive. I always have.Myfamily has always survived when no one else did. Maybe I can find my way back to you if it’s ever safe,for you.But this is my fight, not yours. You aren’t expendable. You are rare, and precious, and kind, and I cannot envision the world without you in it.I can’t risk you.”
At least Nicolai thought I wasrare and precious and kind,a string of words thatIhad never applied to myself.
And I’d rather be with him, who was strong and thoughtful and who looked at me like I was somebody important to him, not just another nuisance.
“Nicolai,I won’t leave you to face this alone.”
“I made a terrible mistake when I drunkenly married you and brought you into this dangerous situation. I must rectify this mistake. Icannot,Iwill not,Imust notallow you to come to harm because ofwhat I did.”
“Except that now you’re not allowing me to make my own decisions. You should respect the decisions I make for myself, and I said thatI will notleave you to face this alone.”
“You don’t understand the magnitude of this danger. I can navigate it.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I can navigate it because Imust.”His fingers tightened around mine. “I won’t allow you to die. I won’t allow my brother to become the next in line to die. I will do whatever it takes to keep the two of you alive.”
“But these people are threateningmeif I don’tstaywith you.”
“Back when my family ruled Russia, it was tacitly understood that the tsars would sacrifice whatever was necessary for the country. Yes, we ruled with an iron fist. Yes, we taxed peasants and bought stupid baubles like diamond Fabergé eggs. But we sacrificedourselves.We sacrificed our daughters for treaties to keep Russia out of wars. We sacrificed our sons to the military.”
I rolled my eyes at how much his extended ancestral family had sacrificed while living in their gold-plated palaces. “Sounds like you sacrificed everybody but yourselves.”
He dropped my hands from his. “We sacrificed ourselves in war. Tsar Nicolai the Second, despite his many,manyfaults and sins and crimes that ended with his fall from power, led the Russian army from the front lines during World War I.”
