She wasn’t wearing one of her dresses, thank fuck, but she looked bad enough – good enough – in denim shorts and a fitted T-shirt with a sports brand across the chest. My brain filled in what was underneath and I could almost feel her skin under my hands.
‘… even Colin said he’s getting cuter.’
It took me far too long to realise they were waiting for a response from me. I tore my gaze from her to stare, unseeing, at Nellie’s phone. I had to blink for several moments before the picture came into focus: a goofy baby grin that looked like he’d just farted.
Amir shared a look with Nellie.
‘I don’t know what’s wrong with Colin,’ Amir said thoughtfully, as though I weren’t sitting right there with them.
My ears were so hot they were probably steaming more than my oatmeal. I kept my eyes off her, but I couldfeelher to the side at the breakfast buffet and the way my teammates were looking at me, they knew what was going through my head.
I held my breath, waiting for them to say something, to tell me off for sleeping with the woman from marketing – what a stereotypical thing for Colin Gallagher to do.
But Amir simply said, ‘I can’t believe he doesn’t like babies.’
Nelson grinned at me, his eyes bright. ‘Maybe he will when he grows up.’
Scowling at him, I struggled to think of a comeback. Nellie was only two years older than me – Lori’s age. ‘Not all of us age as quickly as you.’
Hiding behind a sip of coffee, I sensed Leesa moving into my peripheral vision and, when my eyes were drawn there, I found her glancing back at me. That was all it took for my lungs to seize up.
But she winced and sent a guilty glance to where Wil was eating with Dad and the logistics manager. I couldn’t bring myself to regret what had happened, even if it brought complications for both of us but, for her sake, I could make sure no one found out.
For her sake, I could pretend it had never happened – or at least try. We had two more days of training camp and then her work with me wouldn’t be so… close. Her nightmare job might get a little easier.
As I was heading for my room, Dad stopped me, breaking my reverie, and drew me into the hallway. That was enough for my stomach to sink. It wasn’t easy to read his expression – he always had a gruff smile on his face, especially for bad news – but I couldn’t think of anything he’d have to say that I wanted to hear.
‘I spoke to your mum this morning.’
I might have interpreted that as a good sign but, given how stringently he’d avoided any contact with her recently, this wouldn’t be comfortable for anyone. A few years ago, I would have desperately wanted them to work things out but, as I spent more time with Mum alone, I’d started to see the strain she was under trying to reach him and I didn’t want that for her any more.
I also realised that Dad had got worse as I’d got better – at cycling. I couldn’t deny my success was down to his unrelenting pursuit of improvements, in my body and in my head, but he refused to see the costs and I was too chicken to stand up to him.
‘I didn’t realise she was already here in Europe,’ Dad continued.
‘I’m spending the week with her in Treviglio after the camp,’ I explained. ‘Nonno hasn’t been well.’
‘Oh, she didn’t mention that. I was talking to her about the Tour, since last year was… so awkward.’
The only thing that had been awkward last year was the fact that their relationship was over, but no one was saying it out loud. At least Mum was in touch with reality, if Dad was still ignoring what had happened.
‘It’s almost impossible to arrange accommodation for her in the team hotel and I thought it would be better…’
‘Did you tell Mum she couldn’t come to watch the Tour? Dad!’
‘She’s seen you race so many times.’ I thought he was going to say something else, but he stopped. I understood what he meant: I was too old to be upset by this development. If I complained, I’d be the weak little youngster he seemed to think I still was.
‘You can give me all the reasons you want, but I know you just don’t want her around, now that she’s left you. You don’t want me listening to her.’
‘She doesn’t understand your—’
‘Youdon’t understand everything either, you know!’
Before I could blurt out anything more incriminating – about my state of mind or my encounter with Leesa – I brushed past him in the direction of the staircase, my mood turned sour. As I passed the door to the breakfast room, I almost wasn’t surprised when I glanced inside to find Leesa, standing just inside the door, frozen. She probably hadn’t wanted to disturb us.
Great. The day just got even more dysfunctional.
Chapter 21
