“I know exactly how old she was,” Sam ground out through her teeth. She swallowed thickly and looked away. She had heard about Alex’s marriage from Jordan, who had seen Alex around town occasionally. It had hurt then, and it still hurt.
Nadine’s face softened, the hard lines around her mouth melting away as she looked at Sam. “I understand that’s what you believe,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “But there’s more to the story than you realize.”
Sam’s head whipped back to Nadine. Now the older woman had her attention.
“She would never tell you how bad it got, but Alex was not in a good place after you left.” Nadine seemed to be choosing her words very carefully. Sam resisted a snarky comment about Alex not telling her anything—because they hadn’t spoken in years. But she could see how hard this was on Nadine, and she wanted to see where it was going.
“She tried very hard to be what she thought we wanted her to be. And at the time, yes, it probably really was what we…no,Iwanted her to be.” Nadine paused and shook her head ruefully at the memory. Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. Sam opened her mouth to speak, but Nadine raised a hand to stop her.
“No, Sam,” she said firmly. “Hear me out, please?” Her eyes searched Sam’s. After a bit of consideration, Sam gestured for Nadine to continue.
“Thank you.” She smiled gratefully. “Alex was devastated. There is no other way to put it. She wouldn’t eat. She couldn’t sleep. She finished high school in a daze, but just barely. It was good that she had already finished all her college applications. Otherwise, she might not have been admitted.” Nadine paused, seeming to lose herself in the memory. “She went to live with family in Maryland. And didn’t speak to her father or me for several years.
“We heard from my mother that her first year was still a struggle, but she seemed to be getting better. Maybe it was the distance from us.” Nadine shrugged. “Anyway, she turned to the first guy who asked her out. And that was Scott. He was a good guy, a decent man. He treated her well. He was stable. At the time, it was the best that she let herself hope for.” She shook her head sadly, her eyes welling up. “And that was my fault.”
Sam looked at Nadine, wondering precisely what the woman was trying to say. But still, she didn’t interrupt.
“I let my little girl think she had to sacrifice herself to be happy.” The tears escaped and rolled down Nadine’s cheek. She hastily brushed them away. “Alex spent so much time trying to do what she could to please her father and me, trying to be what she thought we wanted her to be.” She choked out a bitter laugh. “And what I really should have wanted was for her to be happy—to be herself—and love her no matter what. But I was so stubborn. So foolish. And so…wrong.” Nadine shook her head helplessly.
Sam stopped the swing’s motion and crossed the porch to take the chair beside the other woman. They sat side by side silently for a long moment, gazing across the yard and into the distance, until Sam broke the silence. “Alex wasn’t the only person you hurt, Nadine,” she said quietly, but firmly. “What about how you treated me?”
“I’m not proud of how I acted, Sam.” Nadine looked down at her hands.
“You told everyone who would listen that I corrupted your daughter, that I forced myself on her, that I was a dirty sinnerthat was going to hell.” Sam wiped at her eyes. “You tried to turn everyone against me.”
“I know,” Nadine whispered. She looked over at Sam. “It took Alex leaving for me to realize that I might be wrong.”
Sam let out a hollow laugh. “You think?”
“I don’t go to that church any longer,” Nadine said. “I found someplace else that helped me realize that being a Christian isn’t about judgment and condemnation. It’s about love.” She looked over at Sam.
“And I’m sorry, Sam.” She waved her hand around in an expansive gesture. “For telling everyone. For the things I said about you.” She paused, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but not very many people listened.”
Sam tilted her head and looked at her. “Well, Alex did call me the golden child of Hicksville…”
Nadine’s shoulders shook as she let out a soft chuckle. “Sam,” she admonished. “You always knew the right thing to say.”
“And the right time to say it,” Sam agreed, the corner of her mouth lifting in a small smile.
Nadine turned in her chair and took Sam’s hand in her own. “Sam.” Her voice was firm. “There is no excuse for how I treated you back then. Absolutely none.” The expression on her face was one of pain. “The things I said to you…” She looked out into the distance. “I’ll never forgive myself.”
Sam sat quietly for a long minute, her jaw working as she thought about Nadine’s words. She had never expected to receive an apology from Nadine Weaver. But as she had told Jordan, she was tired of the resentment and bitterness she had carried with her all this time. Watching her mother come to terms with her mortality over the past year had taught Sam that life was too short to hold grudges. She reached over and placed her other hand on Nadine’s.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “There isn’t.” Nadine frowned and went to move her hand away. Sam squeezed it more firmly. “I understand how one moment can change how you feel about everything. That can either be a good thing. Or it can be devastating. With me, and with me and Alex, it was both.”
“I am so sorry, Sam.” Nadine looked down at their joined hands. “For everything.”
“I know,” Sam said softly. She stared off into the distance. “I’m not going to lie and say it’s okay.”
Nadine shook her head. “I don’t expect you to.”
“Jordan wouldn’t let me live it down if I let you off that easily.” Sam pulled her hand away.
“Jordan Davies!” Nadine barked a laugh. “That boy did a good job of making my life hell. I think I always let him get away with it because I knew deep down that I deserved it.”
“He is fiercely loyal,” Sam agreed. She laughed as she recalled some of Jordan’s antics. He had refused to wait on Nadine in the grocery store, papered the Weavers’ oak tree with rainbow-colored toilet paper, and sneaked an inflatable unicorn floatie into their pool. Jordan was something else. He really was the best of friends.
“Honey, it took me years to develop his courage and convictions. I have nothing but respect for that. You should bring him around for Sunday dinner sometime.” Nadine’s eyes twinkled. “Maybe it’s about time he and I buried that hatchet.”
