I grab at the roots of my hair, pulling hard.
“Fuck.”
My heart beats violently in my chest, making it harder to breathe, fuck. I rub at the spot on my chest, trying to dislodge the pain, but it won’t go.
“I’m no better than him,” I say, my voice cracking as I try to catch my breath, my stomach lurching. I drop to my knees and flip the toilet seat, expelling my stomach contents.
It’s the breakfast Violet made for us. How was everything so fucking perfect now so messed up? I dry heave until there’s nothing left.
Henry's hand squeezes my shoulder.
“Here.” I sit back on my heels as he holds out a glass of water, but I shake my head, pushing myself to my feet and going over to the sink. I glance at my reflection but can’t bear to look at myself. Turning on the tap, I cup my palms under and splash my face before cupping my hand and bringing it to my mouth, gargling and spitting before splashing my face some more, and then Henry passes me a small towel. I wipe my face before gripping the edge of the sink. I take a few deep breaths before pushing off and turning towards Henry.
I expect him to follow suit or step aside, but instead, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug.
My arms hang on either side of me, but it makes him squeeze harder, so I return the hug.
He’s only ever hugged me like this one other time, and that was when I came out of hospital after my dad beat me.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” I admit, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. “I hurt her, H. She’s in hospital because of me.” My voice breaks on the last word, and then I’m crying.
“It was an accident, Nathan,” he says, trying to console me. “She knows that, I’m sure.”
He gives me one more tight squeeze and then pulls back, his hands on my shoulders.
“I don’t know how I can face her. No words will be enough, not after…”
Going back to the sink, I splash my face with water again before drying it off.
The sound of my phone vibrating from my discarded jogging bottoms on the floor catches my attention. Retrieving it, I find several missed calls from Naomi and immediately block her before swiping to the text message.
Tinker Bell: Nathan, are you okay? I’m worried about you xx
What the fuck? She’s concerned about me, and I’m not the one in hospital.
I try to type a reply. Am I okay? Not in the slightest, but I’m sure not about to project that onto her.
Me: Are you still in hospital?
The sound of the front door has Henry leaving me alone in the bathroom, and I hear Jacob laughing as Henry no doubt picks him up and spins him upside down, as he usually does.
“Are you okay?” Meg asks, standing in the doorway.
No, I’ve never been more not okay in my entire life. I shake my head.
And without a word, she steps inside and wraps her arms around my waist.
“I’m here if you need to talk,” she says softly.
I kiss the top of her head.
She lets go and takes a step back as I recheck my phone and decide to send Ethan a message.
Me: E, is she okay? Tell me which hospital?
Meg heads downstairs, and I follow, walking into the living room.
“H, I need my keys,” I say, looking around.
