“It has, and deep down you wonder if you carry the gene, if it will affect you, or your kids, and I guess in my case it did.”
He wraps his arm over my shoulder, and I move into his side.
“When I’m better, I want you and Caleb to visit the cemetery with me. We can take some flowers so I can introduce you both properly.”
“I’d be honoured, thank you.”
That sentiment means more to me than he could possibly realise.
Chapter Fifty
NOAH
It’s the first time since my surgery that I’ve been left alone, and yet I’m sitting on the sofa, staring at a blank TV screen in silence, lost to my thoughts. When I woke from the surgery, I was still a little out of it. It was only after returning home that it all began to really sink in. I had a mastectomy and lymph nodes removed.
I’ll know in a few weeks what the outcome is, whether it spread, and if I’ll need treatment. I have swelling and bruising around the surgical site and have noticed some numbness in my chest area.
Jessica has a perpetual look of worry every time she looks at me and the last thing I want to do is cause her any more concern than she already feels. I already hate that I’m the cause.
Even with the swelling and the bruising I can’t ignore the difference in my body, and I am terrified. Terrified to see it in its entirety. Terrified for Caleb and Jessica to see me, and how I no longer feel like the same man they fell in love with.
It’s not like I’ve seen the scar where they cut me open. And I won’t, not until my follow-up but the thought alone makes my anxiety skyrocket. If I thought my anxiety was bad before, it has nothing on how it is now.
Aspen sits up and lays her head on my knees. She’s too damn intuitive for her own good, but I find comfort in her silent support.
“Thanks girl,” I whisper, a secret only we need to know.
“There you are.” I blink as Maggie enters the living room, bags in her hands. “I’ve come to make us all dinner,” she says.
I move to get up, wanting to take the bags from her, my manners kicking in, but with a stern look and the rise of her eyebrows, she stops me in my tracks.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to get us some tea and biscuits,” she says, already heading to the kitchen, Aspen springing up to follow.
“Traitor,” I say under my breath, but find myself smiling.
It’s been five days since my surgery, and I won’t lie, having Caleb and Jessica here both hovering was becoming suffocating. I get it, if it were either of them, I’d be the same. They will always be my priority.
But then I feel guilty when I find myself getting annoyed with them just for asking if I’m okay or if I need anything. I’ve had to rein in the urge to come back with a sarcastic comment or lash out. I’ve had to bite my tongue worried I might snap and that’s not my intent. It’s why I was glad to have a few hours at home without them, as selfish as that sounds.
I scrub my palm over my jaw, listening to Maggie talk to Aspen as she potters about in the kitchen.
She returns a few minutes later, carrying a tray. It wobbles in her hold, the sound of the china teapot lid rattling has me on edge, worried she’ll drop it and the last thing I want is for her to scald herself.
Thankfully, she places it down on the table without incident before joining me.
“Just letting the tea steep,” she says, her hand going to my knee. “How are you doing, my boy?”
I could argue that I am anything but a boy, but I know it’s a term of endearment and she says it with love.
“I’m fine Maggie. You didn’t have to come over to check on me,” I say as she reaches out to add some custard creams to the plate.
Aspen wags her tail, and Maggie reaches into her pocket and pulls out a dog treat.
“You spoil her,” I say as she holds it out for her.
“She’s my grand-pup, of course I do, it’s my right.”
I mean, I can’t exactly argue with her there.
