Jessica mumbles what I think is, “I love you both too”, but slumber soon takes her under and even though I close my eyes, sleep doesn’t take me quite so kindly.
Chapter Fourteen
NOAH
I leave the consultant’s office, my mind whirling with a myriad of despair and fear over the diagnosis.
Breast cancer.
I have breast cancer.
And yet, I’m not surprised.
Deep down, I knew.I fucking knew.
The idea of surgery fills me with dread, but it’s a must. I just hope it hasn’t spread and that it’s been caught in time.
I need to tell Caleb and Jessica. I know I do. But the thought alone of seeing their faces is enough to have me going in the opposite direction. I just need a little more time to get my head around it, and then I’ll tell them the hard and brutal truth and then my behaviour will all make sense, and that guts me.
But how do you tell the two most important people in your life that your fears are realised? Cancer isn’t just a possibility, but a reality. I shake my head at the idea of my body being forever altered. Will they look at me differently? Will I repulse them? My inner turmoil is dragging me in a downward spiral. But there is no other alternative but surgery—vanity or my life.There’s no contest, really, and yet I find myself thinking of the most mundane things in the grand scheme of things.
When Elliot was hurt in the line of duty and he lost a limb, I didn’t see him any differently. Yet, here I am already questioning how they’ll perceive me, my kindred spirits, my soulmates.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath and make my way to the underground car park.
I’m aware I probably shouldn’t be driving, but I need to get away. I just need to clear my head.
I drive with no destination in mind until I’m pulling into the underground carpark of a familiar building. I park and make my way inside, surprised when I even gain access after calling the lift, and then I find myself outside Elliot’s apartment door. Somewhere I’ve not been in a really long time. I just came here on autopilot. I don’t even know how I got here or why I even came. I should be at home speaking to Jessica and Caleb, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to share this with them.
I raise my hand to knock, but before my knuckles even connect with the door, it opens with the man himself standing in front of me. And I realise he likely saw me on the surveillance cameras. Of course he did.
He cocks his head, eyes assessing, and instantly reaches out his hand, putting it on my shoulder, as he pulls me inside.
“What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
And that right there is Elliot, the friend I know and love. The one who was always so intuitive without me even having to utter a word.
Or maybe it’s my expression.
I shake my head, my lips parting to answer him, but I’m rendered speechless.
He guides me to the living room, that is so familiar and yet completely different. Leading me over to the sofa, he urges me to sit and joins me, his face filled with concern.
“Noah, what is it? Do you need me to call Jessica or Caleb? Has something happened?”
I suck in a huge gulp of air and expel it on a long exhale.
It takes a few tries before I finally manage to blurt out, “I have cancer… breast cancer, just like my mum.” He knows how she died, not that we talked a lot about my upbringing when we were together, but he knows enough.
A myriad of emotions cross his features at my admission.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Noah. What can I do? What do you need? A drink?”
I let out a sigh and then a chortled laugh and nod. “Yeah, I could use a drink.”
He squeezes my thigh before pushing to his feet and making his way over to the sidebar with the crystal decanter, pouring us each a generous measure of whiskey. He hands me one of the tumblers, and we both throw them back.
I cringe and shake my head before holding mine out for another one. He pours me another, and I slowly sip this one, conscious of the fact it might make a reappearance if I’m not careful. I haven’t eaten today, my nerves making my stomach churn with uncertainty.
