“Please don’t do that, Noah, don’t hide from me.”
I want to say I’m not, but it would be a lie. I just feel so vulnerable, exposed, even wearing clothes, and I wonder if I’ll ever be the same again.
“You’re still you, Noah, nothing’s changed. I love you irrevocably. A cancer diagnosis doesn’t change that.”
The conviction of his words has my heart racing.
“I know,” he continues, “that I can’t begin to understand or comprehend what a mind fuck this all is, but if you can believe one thing. It’s that we love you, with every single atom of our being. It goes beyond the physical. I enjoy the art of sex, specifically with you and Jessica, but it’s more than that.”
“I know, and I don’t mean to pull away. There are moments I almost forget about it entirely, and then it hits me all over again. Like first thing in the morning, and for a few blissful moments, everything is exactly as it should be. And then it hits me all at once, like a sledgehammer to my senses, and I can barely catch my breath. But then you and Jessica ground me.”
He leans his forehead against mine.
“You can lean on us always, Noah. You’re not alone.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I soak in his strength.
“I know, thank you.”
Caleb grips my jaw, his eyes boring into mine. “Never thank me, not for that, Noah. I know I can’t fight this battle for you, but I’ll be right beside you and so will Jessica.”
He leans in and kisses me with such ferocity that I believe him with every fibre of my being.
Chapter Thirty-One
JESSICA
To say the past few weeks have been hectic is an understatement, but this past week has been absolute chaos. I still can’t believe we pulled this off in such a short amount of time, and tomorrow we get to say our vows.
Noah is scheduled for surgery in less than a week. I worried that this might be too much for him, but if anything, I think he’s thrived on keeping busy.
“You okay?” Lily asks as she brings me over a glass of champagne.
“Yeah, just equal parts nervous and excited.”
Caleb and Noah insisted we all stay in our respective rooms, a way of keeping that tradition of not seeing the bride or grooms until the ceremony. I tried to argue the point, but they wouldn’t have any of it. It’s just one night, but I feel their absence, and I wonder if I’ll even be able to sleep tonight.
I opted for a slumber pamper night with the girls, so it’s not like I’m alone per se, and if Lily is giving up a night with her guys to spend it with me, I should count myself lucky to have such good friends.
Friends… it’s weird but I feel like I’ve always known them, that our friendship was pure happenstance. To me, they are the epitome of friendship.
“You know, when I was with Curtis,” I swallow, his name bitter on my tongue. “I lost a part of myself, cut myself off from my friends. I became someone I didn’t recognise.”
Avery reaches out, her hand moving to my ankle as Lily reaches for my hand.
“And then Caleb and Noah took me in, helped me heal. Even when I thought I wasn’t worth fixing. With them I’ve learnt to love myself again.And then you girls came into my life and all my broken pieces slowly began to heal. I’m not the same as before and I wouldn’t want to be. I’m not that girl anymore. I know healing isn’t one dimensional. But you’ve shown me true friendship, accepted me for me, my faults and all. I don’t have the words to thank you enough.”
Lily’s eyes well with tears. “You don’t have to thank us for anything, Jess. Our friendship isn’t conditional. It’s not every day you find your people, so when you do, you handle them with care.”
Avery sniffs, wiping under her eyes. “Seriously you guys, whatare you doing to me? You’re really pulling on my dark heart strings, you know that right?”
I shake my head. “You’re all heart, Avery.”
She tries to brush it off, but Lily speaks up, “Stop with the self-deprecation, Avery. She’s right, you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever met.”
I nod, because she really does. She’ll be your biggest cheerleader, biggest advocate. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past her to walk on hot coals if it meant protecting the ones she loves.
She shakes her head and knocks back her champagne. But I know how hard it is to take compliments. I know it’s something I struggle with too.
