Ulla studied his face, her eyes racing across his features.Bastion understood what the invitation meant.It terrified and thrilled him in equal parts, like a bubble about to burst.
She swallowed and shook her head.
I know your offer comes from a place of sincerity, but I only communicate that way when it’s absolutely necessary.
Disappointment crumbled within him.“May I ask the reason?For my own understanding?”
Ulla cocked her head, regarding him with quiet surprise.Suddenly, he became aware of a question racing through his mind over and over.
Can I trust you?Can I trust you?Can I trust you?
Bastion didn’t know if the thought was his or hers, but her pupils dilated, and she walked away, taking his breath with her.
Ulla wrote at length.From the way she paused, frowned, and continued, Bastion could tell she was choosing her words carefully.He waited, working to tamp down the anxious fluttering in his throat.
When she finally handed him the book, he almost didn’t want to read it.
I was eight years old when I realized the cacophony of voices in my head wasn’t normal.That my family, my pod, anyone who cared to listen, was privy to my every thought.It took me years to learn how to shut them out because no one would teach me.“What’s the point when our telepathy solves the problem?”my father said.When I finally did master the skill, I vowed that no one but my mate would know my thoughts so intimately again.
By the time Bastion finished reading, he understood.
“That’s why you’re alone.”
Ulla took the book, a bitter frown creasing her face.
If you don’t know the sound of your own voice, it’s difficult to distinguish which thoughts are yours and which aren’t.I wanted to find out who I was without the input of so many others.
“And your pod thought that was unnecessary?”
Ulla added a line and showed him the page.
Bart is the only one who would help me.
Bastion laced his fingers together, scraping his thumbs against his palms.For a moment, he was back at the inn, dancing with her, shocked to learn that the burden of her loneliness matched his own.
Finally, he said, “You’re very brave.I don’t know if I could do what you’ve done.I think, maybe, training to be a knight was always about being accepted.I had no one and didn’t belong anywhere, but if I passed, it wouldn’t matter because that’s something no one could take from me.But now…” He shrugged.“I’m a ship with no wind in my sail.”
Bastion looked down at his empty hands, covered in rough calluses, the physical testimony of his diligence and determination.Why did he need someone else to proclaim his worth when he had proof right here?
The book disrupted those thoughts as Ulla laid it in his palms.
Do not betray yourself to be understood or accepted.Make your own wind.
The words were large and bold, mirroring the expression she now wore.The intensity of her gaze and the determined set of her mouth bolstered him, and for just a moment, Bastion saw himself as she did.
Strong.Capable.Brave.
Chapter 13
Bastion pressed the journal into Ulla’s hands, knowing it was far more useful to her.She took it slowly, her eyes lingering on his chest.She left him to bathe and dress, the suspicion she’d arrived now replaced with curiosity and, maybe… something else.
Finally clean and dry, Bastion listened to his stomach and followed his nose downstairs.All his own thoughts dissipated as soon as he stepped into the Great Hall.
It vibrated with people, their eyes darting this way and that, like stones skipping over water.Fear hung in the rafters with the chandeliers, empty of light.
Most of the chairs and long tables had been tipped against a back wall.Those that remained lined the center of the room, with regular breaks between clusters.Scattered along their length sat pitchers of water and bowls filled with baked goods and winter apples.To either side, hundreds of makeshift beds crowded together in neat rows with a precision he knew had everything to do with Nesrin.Kitchen staff tended two of the four oversized fireplaces, roasting pigs.Despite how warm and inviting the Great Hall felt, people looked lost and afraid.
Through the crowd, Bastion spotted Nesrin talking to someone.
