I'm doing my best not to freak her out, or overstep. I've never dated a divorced woman, never dated someone who had a child. So I tell her all of that, and end it with what I hope is the right thing to say. "There are no rules here."
"Okay." She nods, seeming to relax. Her shoulders aren't at her ears any more. They're down, and she seems to be breathing easier. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me. We're two people trying to figure out where we are, and maybe you're trying to figure out who you are. None of that is bad, and it could be scary, but we're going to do this together." I hope with everything I have that she's willing to take this step this with me, she's willing to give me the parts of herself that she keeps so close to the vest. "So tell me, what are we going to do while we wait for this lasagna to bake?"
Her eyes are bright as she looks around the kitchen, and then I can see when she makes the decision. "Outside. On the back porch with wine."
"Perfect." I rock back on my heels. "Go ahead out there, I'll bring the wine, and we can light the fire pit."
She walks up to me, as close as she can be without touching me, then she raises on her tiptoes. Without warning, she brushes a kiss against my cheek. "Thanks for knowing what I need, even when I don't. I appreciate this, Mark."
There won't be anything I can say that will make this moment any better than it already is. So I give her a smile. "Be out there in a few minutes."
"I'll be waiting."
Watching her walk out the back door, I close my eyes and inhale deeply, thankful that I was able to calm her fears. It would've been very easy for her to walk out of here, and decide to never come back. But if she's willing to give me a shot, then I'm going to rise to the challenge.
Chapter Three
Trish
It's quiet on the back porch as I wait for Mark to make his way out here. Honestly though, it's what I need, after I worried so much about coming over tonight. It gives me a few minutes to calm my nerves and relax. It would've been so easy for Mark to decide I'm not worth the trouble, or he doesn't want to deal with my awkwardness. I'm thankful he didn't let those things deter him. Many men would have, hell they already have. I've done a few things, like speed dating, and then I was on the apps for a hot second.
Any time I got worried, and would start to let my nervousness show, those men would be gone.
My confidence has suffered for a long time, and not just because of the marriage I had to let go of. Every single time I've tried to move forward since then has been a fucking disaster, so I'm hopeful for whatever this is with Mark. He doesn't seem like the type of man who would let my feelings get in the way of what we could have.
At least I hope he isn't.
I take a drink from my glass of wine and send up a prayer that it'll calm my nerves. If I was the type to hit a vape or smoke a cigarette, I'd be doing either one of those things right now.
Instead, I try to focus on what's around me. That's when I take in the surroundings.
The back porch and yard are much bigger than I expected them to be. It's been kept in really good condition, and it's what I wanted when I was married to my ex-husband. In fact it's what I begged him for. He always said there was something else that had to be done, though. Something else that would take his attention away from what I wanted and needed. We never, not once, made each other a priority and that's exactly why we didn't last.
The back door opens, and Mark comes out. My eyes move to him, and I lick my lips as my heart speeds up.
"You okay?" He asks, walking over to sit next to me, holding a bottle of beer.
"Yeah, sorry," I sigh. "I'm not used to any of this. I know you've said I don't have to apologize, but I kind of do. The me before I got married, and the me after my divorce are two very different people. My confidence is gone, and I have no idea how to talk to men any more. I'm sorry."
He reaches over and grabs my hand, making circles around my knuckle. "Please stop apologizing. I get it. I had a heartbreak too, when I was younger. Not like yours, obviously, but it really rocked my confidence, and it took me a long time to get that back."
I open my mouth to say that he probably already had a lot more confidence than I ever did, but he reaches over and puts his finger over my lips.
"Stop comparing yourself to other people, Trish. It takes you however long it takes you, and I'm here to tell you I'm in it for the long haul. I like you."
"I like you too," I admit.
"Then let go of all these preconceived notions about how you think life and timelines should go. I'm here to tell you that we can go at our own pace, and that can be either as slow or as fast as we want it to be. Just because you got married, got divorced, and have a child doesn't meant anything, other than the fact you've lived life."
The way he's said those words brings tears to my eyes, and I take another sip of my wine. "I have lived."
"And you're lucky to have done so. There are so many people in this world who never get a chance to live. They stay stuck in their own little bubble, never leave it, and never learn to deal when things get hard. Please don't think I'm trying to downplay what you've been through. Truth be told, I don't know what it all even is. Just what I've heard Gunner talk about. You can tell me if you ever want to. But what I'm trying to say is there's a beauty in living life, even if it's not the life we all thought it would be."
I'm quiet for a full minute as I think about what he's said. He's right. There is a beauty in life, even if that life isn't what I imagined. I have a beautiful daughter, friends, family that loves me. Things could be worse. "You're right. I need to take life by the balls, and get what it is I want."
He nods, taking a drink of his beer. Leaning forward, he puts his elbows on his knees. "And what is it that you want, Trish?"
