Joe huffed, but some of the tension eased from his shoulders. “I’ll try to keep my existential crisis quieter next time.”
Kaden’s lips twitched. He pushed himself up a little. “You disappeared.”
“Only into the bathroom. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” A pause. “You said something. Last night.”
There it was.
Joe’s stomach flip-flopped, but he didn’t look away. “I said a lot. I moaned a lot and whimpered. Gasped too, I think. There was a lot of whimpering.” He chuckled. “It was all good. I liked it. Everything. What you did… It felt perfect. You felt perfect. I meant what I said. I need to shut up and I can’t. Sorry. That feels a human thing.”
Kaden sat up fully now, dragging a hand through his hair, suddenly looking less certain than Joe had ever seen him. “You didn’t just say it because…”
Joe let out a breath that felt like it had been stuck in his chest since the moment he’d woken up. “I meant it.”
Kaden looked down for a second, then back up at Joe. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
I know. No, don’t tell him that!“Oh. I should be glad but I’m sad too. You deserve to be loved.”
Kaden huffed out a small laugh. “You probably knew no one had ever said it.” His gaze flicked back up, steadier now. “You always figure things out, know stuff I didn’t think you’d know. I forget sometimes that you were inside me, reading me. If you learnt English from me, what else did you find in my head?”
Joe thought quickly. “Not how to tie shoelaces, clearly.”
Kaden smiled.
Joe stepped a little closer. “Is it bad that I love you?”
Kaden shook his head immediately. “No.”
For a moment, neither of them moved. Then Kaden’s fingers caught Joe’s wrist, and tugged him forward until Joe had no choice but to follow. The mattress dipped under his weight, the space between them closing until it barely existed at all.
Kaden’s thumb brushed over the inside of Joe’s wrist, and Joe felt it everywhere.
“You don’t have to take it back,” Kaden said.
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“Good.”
Joe swallowed. “You don’t have to say it back either.”
He searched Kaden’s face for hesitation, for doubt, anything that might tell him he’d gone too far.
Kaden held his gaze for a long moment. There was something fragile in it. Then Kaden quietly said, “I know.”
Joe swallowed, the words rising up again, impossible to keep in. “I will always love you. I owe you everything, but it’s not just that. You make me happy. I didn’t think I could ever feel like this.” He let out a small breath. “You listen to me. You make me feel…real. As if I matter.”
Kaden’s grip tightened slightly.
“You help me to be the person I want to be,” Joe went on. “And I want to look after you. Protect you. I used to hate that part of me, the protector, but with you…” He shook his head faintly. “Now it feels like something good. I can look after you through the part of me that’s still inside you. I won’t do anything without making sure it’s what you want. I can’t make you live forever. I doubt I’ll live longer than you. But I can keep us both healthy.”
Kaden didn’t interrupt. Didn’t look away.
“The hospital knew my blood wasn’t quite right, but it will be normal by now. No one will ever know how I came to be what I am. Only you and I. You could tell your dad if you wanted to.”
“No. It’s a burden he doesn’t need. I don’t know if he’d believe us or not. But he’ll see that you love me. He’ll understand that. He’ll love you too.”
“You’re kind,” Joe said. “And funny. Strong in ways you don’t even see. You give so much to people. To me.” He hesitated, then forced himself to keep going. “And I know I hurt you. What I did— I didn’t have the right. I didn’t have your consent, and I’llregret that for as long as I exist. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.”
