Every moment felt precious. And still, beneath it all, Joe carried the quiet fear of not knowing enough, that he was missing something vital.
“Thank you for helping me learn Pashto,” Kaden said suddenly. “And all that stuff you read…especially about volcanoes. You won me money in the pub quiz.”
Joe didn’t understand how Kaden could thank him for anything. It was Joe who owed Kaden everything. A chance at this world. Atlivingin it. Even if it ended tomorrow, his only regret would be hurting Kaden. Always hurting him. Joe desperately wished he could hold him properly. Wrap him in his arms. Feel the reality of contact instead of this shared existence. Instead, he settled for what he could do, which was to softly trace along Kaden’s back from the inside, a gentle pressure, hopefully do more than remind Kaden he was there. And promise himself that if he survived, he’d make sure that Gash and Lanu didn’t.
Kaden sighed. Then suddenly choked.
What is it? What’s wrong?
“Oh God… I don’t think about it, and then I suddenly do.” His voice shrank to a whisper. “I might die, mightn’t I?”
Joe stilled. There was no way to answer that without breaking something. But lying would be worse. Kaden already knew that might happen.
You might die.
The words felt heavy but unavoidable.
“You too?”
Yes. But I will do everything I can to stop that happening.
The truth beneath that remained unspoken: that Joe would die before he let that happen to Kaden.
“If it’s my last day, it’s been a good one.”
Joe couldn’t answer. There was too much inside that sentence.
On the bus back in London, heading toward the hospital, a thought struck Joe suddenly.
You might need a reason for being in the hospital.
“I can say my pacemaker felt wrong. Like a blip. There probably will be one when you come out.” He gave a small, quiet chuckle.
Maybe.But not if Joe could help it.
“I wish you could hold my hand,” Kaden said softly.
Joe focused everything he had into that moment, sending sensation through Kaden’s fingers, a gentle tightening, an echo of touch from within.
Kaden exhaled. “Talk to me.”
About what?
“Your planet. You’ve not said much. I wish I could see pictures.”
Joe hesitated, then let the images form.
Our cities stretch in long lines across the land, like spokes from a wheel. Fifty storeys high. Connected by transport routes that never stop moving. We grow food in protected zones. Everything is precise and controlled. We live in small pods. We know only those around us. Those we work with. Those engineered in the same way.
“Engineered to be a protector or a hunter or one of the other roles?”
Yes.
“Do you miss it?”
No.
“Can you show me what you look like?”
