I can’t do more. I don’t have the strength.
Kaden lay still but his heart was beating, his chest still rising and falling.
Joe moved, followed the plan. Still semi-formless, he slid under the wall into the next cubicle, then the next, dragging the towel behind him. There was a mess. Blood. Clear fluid. The smell was sharp and metallic. Not pleasant.Breathe!He sucked in air, then coughed at the sensation of his lungs filling. The next breath came more easily, the one following was automatic. He wiped away what he could as he went, but his hands were clumsy, his movements imprecise. Acute anxiety was making his heart ache so much, he wanted to tear it from his chest. Not a good idea.
If he could have helped Kaden, he would have. But the best help now would come from doctors. Even as Joe struggled tofind and hold his human form, he heard the bathroom door open.
“Are you okay in there? Do you need help?”
A bang. A pause.
“Oh Christ!”
Joe forced himself to focus inward. Kaden had help. Now Joe had to help himself. His body was smeared with blood and other substances. His limbs didn’t bend or respond the way Kaden’s had, but at least he had a single heart, a head, arms, legs and genitals. Outside, voices rose and anxiety stopped him breathing for a moment. But they took Kaden away, the sounds fading down the corridor and Joe sagged with relief, breathing again.
There was nothing more he could do for Kaden—except hope. That part of one of his former hearts that he’d left inside Kaden would help. If doctors got oxygen to him quickly enough, he would be fine. He would. He had to be.
Though Joe desperately wanted to be sure. How, he had no idea when he could barely move.
Someone came into the bathroom and he froze again.
“What’s all this on the floor?” someone said. “Gooey stuff. Blood.”
“Looks like he threw up. Probably swallowed something he shouldn’t have. Some drug or other. At least he managed to pull the cord. We need a cleaner in here. Grab his backpack. Let’s find out who he is.”
A door opened. Closed. Silence settled once more.
Joe tried to clean himself, and as he dragged the towel over his body, he marvelled at what he’d become. Fingers that didn’t quite obey, not yet. But there were ten of them and ten toes. He was too thin. No hair on his body but he could feel hair on his head. He ran his fingers over his face. Eyelashes, eyebrows, nose, ears. The fact that he’d managed this at all felt unreal. His skin looked translucent, but it was gradually changing tohide the blood vessels under the surface. His bones would be hardening, his muscles strengthening. He had to wait until he felt ready.
It took him a long time to get dressed. His hands shook. His fingers slipped. He got stuck in the T-shirt, the sweatpants clung to his damp legs. During it all, he was acutely aware of a cleaner coming in, mopping the floor, humming faintly, then leaving while Joe stayed absolutely motionless. His heart thundered, but no one knocked on his stall door.
Tying the trainers was impossible. Difficult enough to get his feet in them. He tucked the laces in instead. Finally, he pulled on the hoodie, then the backpack and struggled to his feet. The only way he could stay upright was by leaning heavily against the wall. He doubted he could walk. But he had to try.
The thought of opening the door terrified him, but he couldn’t stay in there forever. After he’d checked on Kaden, he’d follow the plan.
When he was sure the bathroom was empty, he opened the door, lifted his foot—and fell headlong. Even though he’d half-expected to collapse, he didn’t manage to save himself. Pain tore through him as he hit the floor.Fuck!They didn’t have words like that on his planet. He liked that word. It said everything. Exasperation, annoyance and sometimes bliss. Gasping and shaking, he dragged himself upright again by clinging to the sinks. He didn’t look in the mirror. He couldn’t. Not yet. His fingers told him he had a face, but what if he was a monster?
I’m already a monster for what I’ve done.
The thought sobered him, but he still didn’t look.
Keeping one hand on the cold porcelain, he used the other to turn on the tap. The joy of finally being able to do this for himself was lost in the awareness of him having hurt Kaden.Please let him be okay.He splashed water over his face and over his hair, scrubbing blindly, rinsing away the slick remnants ofwhat he’d been before and what he’d brought out of Kaden’s body. When the water ran clean, only then did he dare lift his head.
Success or failure?Will Kaden like me?
Joe gulped when he saw Kaden’s dark hair and green eyes staring back at him. But they were the only things that were similar and even the eyes weren’t the same shade of green. Kaden’s were darker, Joe’s brighter. He’d managed to make his skin light brown. Bigger eyes, a wider mouth, narrower chin, sharper cheekbones. He was different enough. No one would mistake them. No one would think they were brothers. He ran his fingers over his teeth. Far less than he used to have. He’d not let Kaden see his razor-sharp teeth when he’d shown him an image. He wouldn’t have liked them. These teeth felt strange, not sharp, more even than Kaden’s.
Can I smile?He wanted to smile at Kaden. He wasn’t going to even think that he might not be all right. As long as he was alive, Joe would find a way to help him. He looked in the mirror and tried to smile.Oh. That’s creepy.Too many teeth on display. He tried again.Better.
He bent to retrieve the plastic envelope, but then thought again. Maybe it would be better left until he was sure Kaden was all right. It was safe there. Joe pulled up his hood and used the sinks for support as he tried to make his way out of the bathroom. Two steps taken while he was still holding tight were enough to tell him he wasn’t going anywhere without help. He had muscles but they weren’t doing what they were supposed to. Maybe the signals from his brain weren’t transmitting properly. He forced himself to practise moving while there was no one around. But even taking one step without support led to another fall.He sat on the floor and tried to speak, wincing at the sound that came out of his mouth. That wasn’t right. No one would understand him.Fuck!
How could he check on Kaden if he couldn’t walk or speak?
Find a way.That had been his mantra for most of his life.
Find a way out of trouble.
Find a way to cope with hisother.
