Belatedly, Daniel sat.
Mr Grigsby looked at him steadily.
It was by far not the first time his guardian had looked at him, but it was perhaps the first time Daniel felt truly seen by him.Never before had those watery blue eyes appeared so perceptive.The effect proved equal parts unnerving and, queerly, exhilarating.Beneath their gaze Daniel knew not how to begin.
Fortunately, Mr Grigsby broke the silence.
“Mr Hull has enlightened me on certain matters,” he said with a faint yet courageous smile.“Matters which I did not realise until today lay within his purview—but then again he comes from a land rather different from our own.”
Daniel knew he must reply.Still he couldn’t make himself speak.
Mr Grigsby smiled on regardless.“Daniel is a fine name.”
Daniel wished he could trade the lump in his throat for a true Adam’s apple.
“A very fine name for a gentleman like yourself,” Mr Grigsby continued, which served to stoke the flames in Daniel’s eyes and throat and heart.His words and tone were kind but there was a grief in his gaze still.His expression sobered as he spoke on.“I’ll not ask why you never told me of it before.I understand it is my own failing to prove myself trustworthy enough to confide in.”
It wrenched Daniel’s heart to hear it, though he knew it to be true.He knew not how to tell Mr Grigsby that, ever since the deaths of his parents, Mr Grigsby was the sole person who seemed to care for him as a parent ought.Mrs Bailiwick saw him as a number in a ledger—a favourite number, certainly, but only for the funds it represented and the distinction the number’s presence brought to her academy: the sole child of the dearly departed Mr and Mrs Durst (who were as decent as they were wealthy) had been entrusted to her care.The less said of what Tolhurst—who ought to have been his uncle—thought of him, the better.
But from the moment of his parents’ passing, Mr Grigsby was the only person who asked after how he felt and seemed to actually hear his replies.Who, when he realised his ward liked to read, switched from gifts of finery at birthdays and Christmas to gifts of books, and moreover asked what Daniel thought of the books and tailored subsequent presents accordingly.On any other day Mr Grigsby’s gaze would’ve fallen by now to the cover ofThe Monasteryand he would’ve enquired what Daniel thought of it and listened in eagerness to the answer.
Instead his guardian’s eyes remain fixed upon him, with a gravity that Daniel had never known from him until now.
Then they teared up.
“Forgive me, my boy—” Mr Grigsby began.
My boy.Words Daniel had never dared to dream of hearing from his guardian’s lips.To hear them now threatened to overthrow all his equilibrium.He shoved the lump in his throat down into the howling void in his chest.
“It is I who must beg your forgiveness,” Daniel protested.“For bringing you to such grief.”
Mr Grigsby blinked in bewilderment, then shook his head.“My dear boy?—”
Not just his boy, but hisdearboy.Words that would’ve been mere noise, forgotten the moment they were spoken, to the likes of Lofthouse or any other man.Words more precious than all the pearls in the sea to Daniel.And almost too much to bear.
Mr Grigsby continued with a solemn sincerity the likes of which Daniel had never heard from before this day.“You have never brought me to grief.”
Daniel sincerely doubted that.So much so that he couldn’t prevent himself from replying, “Not even when I ran away?”
Mr Grigsby baulked.A faint smile flickered across his careworn countenance.“Well, yes—I was a touch alarmed on the day—but Lofthouse cleared the matter up soon enough, and ever since—well.I think we may both agree, to see you now, that it was the best thing for you.Really the only thing you might’ve done under your own power.”
Daniel had never dared to dream he might ever hear his guardian say he’d done right.His eyes burned.He sternly reminded himself that gentlemen did not cry.Though all the warriors of Homer did.And he could think of no one more a gentleman than his own guardian, who even now gazed upon him with glistening eyes.
Mr Grigsby held up admirably as he spoke on.“No, all my grief is for my own acts.Or rather, the lack thereof.I’m only sorry that I didn’t realise your plight sooner.I might’ve done more to aid you instead of making matters worse.”
Daniel was likewise sorry for this.But he knew it wouldn’t help anything to say so now.So instead he replied, “You did aid me.Do you recall the clothes you gave away to indigent sailors?”
Mr Grigsby blinked.Then looked him up and down.His eyes alighted on the familiar coat and trousers, their hems and seams taken in by Sukie’s skilful hands.A laugh burst from him.“By Jove!”
A single tear escaped down Daniel’s cheek as he smiled in return.He hastily scrubbed it away and gave thanks it had emerged in a moment he could excuse as mirth.
“It does me a world of good to see what a wonderful young man you’ve grown up to be,” Mr Grigsby continued, as though Daniel’s heart weren’t already threatening to burst in his chest.“Mrs Durst speaks very highly of you—as well she might!You’ve built a wonderful life together here,” he added, with an admiring glance over the parlour.Then, returning earnestly to Daniel, “She tells me you’ve attained a clerkship in town?”
The throat-lump silenced Daniel once again.He nodded, blinking hard against the scalding tears that threatened to spill.
Mr Grigsby smiled on.His eyes alighted upon the abandoned novel at last.“And still fond of Scott, I see!Did you ask Lofthouse about it when he visited?He’s something of aconnoisseurof the chivalric himself.He didn’t like to speak on it when he was in my employ, but he’s bloomed now that he’s cast off my shadow.Rather like yourself, I’d wager!”he added with a chuckle.“I daresay you’re both better off.”
Daniel wanted to say that he hadn’t wished to cast off Mr Grigsby’s shadow.That he’d only abandoned his guardian under duress and would fain have returned to him if he’d only known how his truth might be received.He wanted to say that he loved the old man and that he could hardly voice the joy he felt to see him again, to speak truthfully to him at long last.That now that they both knew all, he wanted only to bring him closer by any possible means.
