They said she needed blood, and she had been in and out ’cause of the medication, but she was talkin’, she was responsive and that was enough for everybody to breathe a lil’ easier.
I sat here most of that time with my elbows on my thighs, my hands locked together and my duffel at my feet, just watchin’ everything movin’ around me. Nurses was goin’ back and forth, people was comin’ in and out, phones ringin’, voices was, but my mind wasn’t on none of that.
I kept goin’ back to the same shit.
Somebody ran up in her spot.
Somebody put hands on her.
Somebody pulled a gun and shot her, then had the nerve to take money out her safe, not knowin’ who the fuck they stole from.
That part kept playin’ over and over in my head, and the more I sat with it, the more I felt that pressure buildin’ in me.
Another night came and went, and by that point, reality started settin’ in for everybody. They couldn’t just sit in the hospital forever, no matter how bad they wanted to. They still had kids at home dependin’ on them.
From what Toni was sayin’, she had already brought up Sha’Nelle comin’ back to Trill-Land once she got discharged.
Toni ain’t trust nobody out here. After what just happened, her mind wasn’t sittin’ right with leavin’ Sha’Nelle in this city without protection. And that’s what made me step in.
“Shid…I’ll stay,” I said, simple as that.
Toni turned and looked at me like she ain’t expect that to come out my mouth. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” I replied, not even hesitatin’. “I ain’t got nowhere else to be, and I already know ain’t nobody touchin’ her while I’m here.”
Kay’Lo looked at me for a second, then nodded like he understood exactly what I meant without me explainin’ it.
Pressure stepped in closer too. “We gon’ be on your line,” he said.
“I know,” I answered, already expectin’ that.
I had what I needed. I had my bag with my guns in it. I had my money, and I knew how to move in any city I stepped foot in. I wasn’t worried about where I was gon’ sleep or how I was gon’ get around.
Toni stepped up and hugged me tight before she pulled back. “Thank you,” she said, her voice softer now.
I just nodded and let her have that. They ain’t drag it out after that. Everybody said what needed to be said, and then they started headin’ out, one by one, until it was just me sittin’ back in the lobby again.
The only difference now was, I wasn’t just waitin’ no more.
I leaned back in the chair and ran my hand over my face, lettin’ everything settle for a second before I reached down and grabbed my duffel. My fingers rested on the zipper for a second, not openin’ it, just feelin’ the weight of what was in here.
I sat like this for a minute, thinkin’ through my next move. Then I stood up, walked over to the desk, and got that visitor pass.
It was time to go see Sha’Nelle.
Greystone Hospital
Gettin’ robbed and shot really fucked my head up in a way I ain’t even know how to explain.
I done been through shit before. I done argued, fought, stood ten toes in situations where most bitches would’ve folded and I never once felt like I couldn’t handle what was in front of me. That wasn’t just who I was. I wasn’t scary, and I damn sure ain’t run from shit. But gettin’ shot scared the fuck outta me.
That moment kept replayin’ in my head no matter how hard I tried to push it out. I couldn’t stop thinking’ about the way them niggas busted through my door, and how everything happened so fast. It was the sound of my own heart poundin’ in my ears while they had guns in my face like my life ain’t mean shit. I could still feel the pressure of it, and see it clear as day, andno matter how much I told myself I was okay, my body knew I wasn’t.
My shoulder throbbed under all these bandages. It was that dull, deep pain remindin’ me that it really happened and that I really got hit. The doctor had already told me how close I was to dyin’ without actually sayin’ those words. I was explained how the bullet went in through the back of my shoulder and came out clean, missin’ my heart by just enough to keep me here.
Just enough…. That was crazy.
That part alone had me sittin’ up at night, thinkin’ about how different this could’ve went if it was just a lil’ off. I ain’t even like goin’ too deep into that thought, ’cause it made my chest feel tight.
