I let out a low breath and closed my eyes. I was drained. Completely done. If a muthafucka wanted to break in here right now and take my head off, a nigga wouldn’t even be able to fight back. I was done for.
Eventually, ‘Nelle slid off me and laid her head on my chest. I tried to move my hand to run it through her hair, but as soonas my fingers touched the top of her head, my hand just stayed there.
She ain’t say nothin’ and neither did I. We just passed the fuck out.
It was time to leave Sha’Nelle and go back home and I ain’t even gon’ lie, I wasn’t feelin’ this shit. I had responsibilities waitin’ on me, I had real life sittin’ back at home with my name on it, but none of that was hittin’ right now with ‘Nelle sittin’ beside me in this car.
I had my hand wrapped around hers while I drove, my thumb movin’ over the back of it every now and then like I needed to keep remindin’ myself she was still right here. Neither one of us was really talkin’, and it wasn’t awkward or tense or none of that. It was just quiet in a way that said we both knew what this was and neither one of us wanted to say it out loud.
The closer I got to her mama’s house, the more I felt that shit sittin’ on me. I kept my eyes on the road, but I ended up glancin’ at her anyway, and soon as I did, she looked right back at me like she already knew I was about to.
“I’m gon’ miss you,” she said, and her voice was soft, but it still hit.
I tightened my grip on her hand just a lil’ and let out a breath through my nose. “I’m gon’ miss you more,” I told her, and I meant that shit. “But I’m comin’ right back. Soon as I handle what I need to handle.”
She nodded like she accepted that, and I respected her for not pressin’ me about nothin’. She ain’t ask about the baby, sheain’t circle back to that conversation and she ain’t make me feel like I had to explain myself again. She just stayed right here with me in this moment, and that alone had me feelin’ better.
I pulled up to her mama’s house and put the car in park, but I ain’t move right away. I leaned my head back against the headrest and stared forward for a second, lettin’ everything settle, then I turned my head to the side to look at her without liftin’ it.
I held my hand out to her, not sayin’ nothin’, but just waitin’.
She looked at it for a second, then slid her hand into mine, and I brought it up and kissed the back of it slow. She smiled at that, then leaned in and kissed the back of my hand right after, like she was meetin’ me in the same place. That’s what she always did, though.
If I gave her somethin’, she gave it right back. If I moved one way, she moved with me without makin’ it complicated. She matched my energy in a way that didn’t feel forced, and I could see clear as day why my people fucked with her the way they did.
I let her hand go after a second, even though I ain’t really want to, and got out the car. Soon as I stepped around to the passenger side and opened her door, I reached for her again and she took my hand without hesitatin’, lettin’ me help her out.
As soon as she stood up, I pulled her into me and had her back pressed against the car with my hands braced on either side of her on the roof while she leaned into me.
I leaned in close with my mouth right by her ear, and I ain’t even say nothin’ at first. I just stayed there, feelin’ her body pressed into mine.
She grabbed the bottom of my hoodie and tugged on it. “You smell good,” she murmured, her voice low. “I’m gon’ miss your scent.”
That shit did somethin’ to me, but I ain’t say nothin’. I just turned my head and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck.
Her arms came up around my neck right after, pullin’ me in, and when our lips met, we started tongue kissin’. She tasted like everything I wasn’t ready to leave, and the way she held on to me made it worse.
I tried to pull back the first time, but she followed me, so I kissed her again. Then again. Each time I told myself I was about to stop, I didn’t.
I let my hands slide down her sides, pullin’ her closer, and she melted into me like she wasn’t goin’ nowhere. Our mouths stayed connected, and I could feel myself gettin’ pulled right back in.
I finally pulled back just enough to rest my forehead against hers, breathin’ low. “If I don’t leave right now, I ain’t gettin’ on that plane,” I said.
She smiled into my lips. I kissed her one more time anyway. Then I forced myself to step back.
I walked to the trunk, popped it open, and grabbed her luggage, rollin’ it up to the front door while she walked beside me. It felt regular and simple, like we wasn’t standin’ in the middle of somethin’ that neither one of us wanted to end.
When we got to the door, I turned the suitcase toward her and handed it off, but before she could even say somethin’, I reached for her again and pulled her into one more kiss. This kiss felt like we both knew this was the one we had to hold on to until the next time.
“I’mma call you before I get on the plane,” I told her, my voice low.
She grabbed my hoodie again, holdin’ on to it like she ain’t wanna let me go just yet. “Okay,” she said, and that was it.
I stood there for a second longer than I should’ve, lookin’ at her, tryna memorize every part of her face, then I leaned in and kissed her again. And again….and again.
Every time I pulled back, she pulled me right back in, and I let her, knowin’ I wasn’t helpin’ the situation at all.
Eventually, I had to stop myself. I stepped back, took one more look at her, then turned and walked back to the car before I changed my mind.
