“I really thought…” I paused, swallowin’, tryna keep my voice as calm as I could. “I really thought I was watchin’ my grandma die right in front of me.”
Kelli ain’t flinch but just looked at me.
“My mama was right there oilin’ her scalp like everything was normal,” I continued, my voice softer now. “And then, all of a sudden, Grandma Glo couldn’t talk right. Her words got stuck, her face changed, and then she just… went quiet. I ain’t never felt no shit like that before, Kelli.”
Kelli leaned his elbow against the door with his eyes still on me. “That’s just your heart,” he said, low and sure.
I nodded, blinkin’ a few times while I stared out at nothin’ in particular. “For real… my grandma means everything to us. She the one who held shit together when everything else was fallin’ apart. She really is my heart… and I ain’t ready for nothin’ to happen to her.”
Kelli ain’t rush to say nothin’. He just looked at me for a second real calm, like he was lettin’ me get all that out before he stepped in it.
“She still here,” he said, glancin’ back up at the sky before lookin’ at me again. “And you got time to be there with her… do what you feel like you need to do.”
I let that sit with me for a second, then I nodded slowly. “Yeah… you right.”
I looked back out at the city lights, sighin’ deep. “But it still made me realize somethin’… I need to go home.”
Kelli ain’t look surprised. “I get it.”
“I can’t be out here actin’ like everything sweet when she in the hospital after a mild stroke. I wanna be there when they discharge her. I wanna make sure she straight and make sure my mama ain’t carryin’ everything by herself. I just… I need to be there.”
“You do, and you will be there the way you suppose to,” he replied, real calm.
I glanced at him, smirkin’ while I shifted in my seat, so I was turned more toward him. “You agree with me a lot.”
Kelli’s hand slid off the wheel for a second and rested on the middle console, close enough to mine that I felt it before he even touched me.
“I don’t be agreeing just to agree,” he said, his voice low. “I can’t argue with you when you makin’ sense.”
I huffed a soft laugh, shakin’ my head while I looked down at his hand next to mine. “Mmm… see, that’s what I like about you.
His fingers brushed against mine real light at first, like he was givin’ me room to move if I wanted to, but when I ain’t pull away, he let his hand settle over mine.
Kelli stared at me then with that quiet look in his eyes, sayin’ way more than his mouth ever did.
“I pay attention to you,” he said.
I felt his words hit my chest before I could even react to it, and I had to look away for a second, starin’ out at nothin’ just so he wouldn’t see how much that actually did somethin’ to me.
“Yeah…” I murmured, squeezin’ his hand without thinkin’ about it. “I see that.”
“I’m probably gon’ get a job when I get back too. Get myself together for real. I ain’t tryna just be floatin’ through life forever, even if Toni and Kay’Lo make it easy to do that.”
Kelli glanced at me, then back up at the sky. “I don’t think you’re just floatin’,” he said.
I turned my head slow, lookin’ at him. “What I’m doin’ then?”
“You came out here for your cousin,” he said. “She needed you. All that shit going on with ’Lo… that case… that wasn’t light. You was where you was supposed to be.”
I ain’t say nothin’ right away but just watched him while his thumb kept draggin’ real soft across my skin. I could feel how grounded he was in what he was sayin’.
I smiled slow, shakin’ my head a lil. “Yeah… you different.”
He ain’t react to that for real but just let his hand slide from mine for a second so he could reach over and move a piece of hair off my shoulder, his fingers barely brushin’ my skin before he let his hand fall back down.
That small shit right there did somethin’ to me, but I kept it cute.
I leaned back in the seat, still smilin’. “I ain’t gon’ lie, though… I’m really gon’ miss this.”
