Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
I’on even know why Sha’Nelle asked me about Reni, but for some reason, that shit was stickin’ to a nigga like glue.
I had brushed it off like it wasn’t nothin’, said what I needed to say, and kept it movin’ like I always do, but the second I stepped away from her and went in my room, that question came right back and sat on my chest like a weight.
I ain’t even turn no lights on, but just walked in, shut the door behind me, and took my clothes off. I sat on the edge of the bed for a minute, rubbin’ my hands together, tryna shake the feelin’ off me.
Don’t get it twisted, it wasn’t like a nigga was confused about his life. I knew who I had, and I knew who I wanted. I knew who had been holdin’ me down and who was loyal beforemuthafuckas started comin’ around for what I had instead of who I am.
Reni had been solid, and a nigga like me ain’t just throw that word around like it ain’t mean shit. She knew how to deal with me when I was on edge, just from runnin’ wild, killin’ for those I loved. She knew how to talk to me without backin’ down, and how to press me when I needed it.
So, nah… I wasn’t sittin’ here questionin’ my girl.
But that ain’t change the fact that Sha’Nelle asked me that shit and looked at me the way she did when she said it.
I leaned back on my hands, lookin’ up at the ceilin’, replayin’ the whole night without even meanin’ to. The laughin’, the talkin’, the way we kept cuttin’ each other off like we already knew where the other one was goin’ with it… it was wild.
Every time I kicked it with Sha’Nelle, whether we was arguin’, gettin’ on each other’s damn nerves or jokin’, she never made me feel like I had to be somebody else just to be around her. That wasn’t no regular shit to me, so it was hard for me to not feel it.
I had been around women my whole life, and most of ’em came the same way. They flirted, laughed a lil’ extra at shit that wasn’t even that funny, and found lil’ ways to be close to me like I wasn’t gon’ peep what they was doin’. I always let that shit roll right off me ’cause it never moved me like that, and it never really did.
But ’Nelle…
It was the way she sat there and actually listened when I talked, even when she joked it off. It was the way she laughed at the dumb shit I said like she couldn’t help it. It was the way she looked at a nigga sometimes and then looked away like she caught herself doin’ too much, and I always caught that shit even when she thought I didn’t.
I let out a slow breath and sat up, draggin’ my hands down my face.
That’s exactly why I brought my ass in here…
Shid… it was outta sight, outta mind. That’s how I had been movin’ for a while, and that’s how I needed to keep it.
I reached over and grabbed my phone, starin’ at it for a second before I unlocked it and scrolled down to Reni’s name. It was late. I already knew that, but I ain’t care. I needed to hear her voice and to ground myself in somethin’ that made sense.
The phone rang a few times before she picked up, and as soon as she did, her voice came through low and heavy with sleep.
“…Hello?”
I smiled without even thinkin’ about it. “What you doin’, baby?”
“…I’m sleep,” she mumbled.
I leaned back against the headboard with one hand behind my head. “I can hear that.”
“You woke me up,” she said, and I could hear the slight irritation in it even through the sleep.
“I know. My fault,” I said, softer now. “I just wanted to hear you, baby. I miss you.”
There was a pause on her end, and I could hear her movin’ around in the bed. “You ain’t have time to hear me earlier?”
I smirked a lil’ and shook my head. “Baby, my phone was sittin’ outside on the table all day. I ain’t even been on that shit like that.”
“Mhm,” she hummed, and I already knew she wasn’t fully buyin’ it.
“I’m serious,” I went on, sittin’ up a lil’. “I been out here with the fam, drinkin’, chillin’. I wasn’t duckin’ you or none of that.”
She ain’t say nothin’ right away, and that silence told me more than any words she could’ve said. I rubbed the back of my neck, lookin’ down at my lap for a second.
“I wish I was layin’ up with you right now,” I added, lettin’ that sit between us.
