He didn’t respond right away, and that pause sat there longer than it needed to. It stretched out just enough for me to feel it settle in my spirit.
That’s when it hit me that I might’ve touched on somethin’ deeper than I meant to because Renza wasn’t the type to sit in silence when it came to me. He always had somethin’ to say, whether it was a joke, a slick comment, or some way to flip the moment and keep it movin’. That was part of what made him easy to deal with. But this time, he didn’t do none of that.
He just sat there, quiet, lookin’ ahead like he was tryin’ to sort through what I said instead of reactin’ off it. That alone told me this wasn’t somethin’ he could brush off or laugh through.
The silence didn’t feel normal, and it didn’t feel light either. I could tell by the way he held himself that he didn’t quite know how to take what I just put on him.
I sat there, waitin’ for him to joke, to brush it off, or say somethin’ to lighten it up the way he usually would, but he didn’t do none of that.
Instead, he stood up from the bed, moved past me without that usual energy he carry, and came back just enough to press a kiss to my forehead, and even that felt different from how he normally touched me.
“I’mma go take a shower real quick,” he said, his voice calm, but it ain’t have that warmth in it that I was used to hearin’.
It was flat as hell.
I looked up at him, tryin’ to read where his head was at, but he had already turned away. He walked over to his dresser, grabbed a shirt, then reached in and pulled out a pair of briefs before handin’ them to me.
“You ain’t bring nothin’, so just wear this,” he said.
I took them from him, noddin’ a little. “Thank you.”
My voice came out soft, and for the first time since we walked in here, I felt that small shift in my heart because knew I might’ve pushed him. And I really didn’t even mean to do that. I was just expressing how I felt. I just wanted Renza to consider some things. He was always claimin’ he loved me, and wanted to be serious about me, so I figured he would understand where I was comin’ from.
He didn’t say anything else. He just walked into the bathroom, and I sat on the edge of the bed, watchin’ him go.
For a second, I thought about gettin’ up and followin’ him into the bathroom, slidin’ in the shower with him the way I normally would, and lettin’ that be the thing that smoothed everything over between us. Most times, that’s all it took with me and Renza.
But this time felt different. I could tell by the way he walked off that he wasn’t lookin’ for me to come behind him, and hedidn’t say nothin’ to pull me in with him either, which made me pause instead of movin’ off instinct.
He didn’t even glance back at me, not once, and that alone was enough to make me stay right where I was sittin’. I didn’t know if followin’ him would make it better or push him even further into whatever space he had just slipped into.
I stayed on the edge of the bed, holdin’ onto his shirt and briefs, listenin’ to the sound of the shower starting. I sat in the quiet moment, tryin’ to figure out if givin’ him space was the right move or if I had already let too much distance settle between us.
The more I thought about it, the more I started questionin’ if I handled this situation the way I was supposed to or if I let my feelings get in the way of how I came across.
The truth was, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was comin’ at Renza or tryin’ to tear down how he lived. I was startin’ to realize how it could’ve been taken, especially with the way he shut down instead of meetin’ me with that same energy he usually gave me.
Renza wasn’t the type to go quiet on me, and I knew that about him more than anything, so the fact that he chose silence let me know I had hit somethin’ deeper than I meant to.
I leaned back on the bed, lettin’ out a slow breath while I stared toward the bathroom door, listenin’ to the water hit against the tile, and it made me realize that for once, I didn’t know what he was thinkin’. I didn’t know how he was about to come back out to me.
A whole hour passed, and Renza still hadn’t said much to me.
He had spent about twenty minutes in the shower, and when he came out, I sat at the edge of the bed longer than I should’ve, hopin’ he would say somethin’, or even look at me in a way that felt familiar, but he didn’t. He just moved around the room, calm and quiet, like his mind was somewhere else, and that alone had me feelin’ unsettled in a way I wasn’t used to with him.
After a while, I couldn’t just sit here no more, so I got up and made my way to the bathroom.
Soon as I stepped inside, I slowed down a little, takin’ it all in.
His bathroom was clean in a way that felt natural, like this was just how he lived.
The counter was clear except for the things he actually used. There were a few bottles of cologne lined up neat with dark glass and gold tops that smelled rich without even openin’ them. His brush sat off to the side with his grease, everything place in a way that turned me on.
Even the air in here smelled good, fresh, masculine and expensive.
There was a smaller towel already laid out across the sink for me, folded neat, and a fresh bar of soap sat right next to it, unopened, like he already knew I’d be in here behind him.
I opened it, stepped into the shower, and turned the water on.
