“Bitch, I am,” I said, already reachin’ for my phone, my thumb movin’ quick while I uploaded it without even thinkin’ twice.
One after another, I kept postin’, switchin’ between videos and pictures, catchin’ every angle without even thinkin’ twice about it. Everything was hittin’ how I wanted it to, from the way my body moved to how I looked on camera, and I wasn’t focused on nothin’ but enjoyin’ myself and stayin’ in this moment.
A nigga ended up slidin’ up on me not too long after, real smooth with it, and I let him talk. He bought me a drink, then another, and I didn’t shut him down.
At one point, he leaned in a little closer, sayin’ somethin’ in my ear that made me laugh, and I felt myself relaxin’ into it more than I expected.
When he asked for my number, I didn’t even hesitate. I pulled my phone out and gave it to him like it was nothin’, like I hadn’t just spent all this time goin’ back and forth with myself about Renza. In that moment, it felt easy, and I wasn’t about to sit here overthinkin’ it or second guessin’ why I was doin’ it. At this point, I wasn’t thinkin’ about loyalty or history or none of that. I was thinkin’ about the fact that I deserved to feel wanted without confusion attached to it.
More time passed, and I kept postin’. Every now and then, I’d click through my viewers, and every single time I saw Renza name sittin’ there.
I kept clickin’ through my views, and every time his name popped up, I rolled my eyes a little, but that half smile still came anyway because I already knew what he was doin’.
He was sittin’ there watchin’ everything I posted; every video, every picture, and takin’ it all in like he hadn’t been the one actin’ confused about me this whole time. I’m not even gon’ lie… I liked that he had to sit there and see me like this without sayin’ a word about it.
By the time I was at the bar again, talkin’ to the same dude, laughin’ at somethin’ he said, I felt good. He had been buyin’ me drinks all night, so when the bartender came back, I leaned forward.
“Put his next one on me,” I said.
He looked at me, surprised. “You ain’t gotta do that.”
“I know,” I replied. “I want to.”
He smiled, noddin’ slow. “I like that about you so far.”
I shrugged a little. “I’m fair.”
We kept talkin’, and I felt his body lean a little closer, his voice droppin’ like he was gettin’ more comfortable, but then somethin’ about the space around me changed in a way that didn’t match the music or the crowd. It was subtle, but I felt it anyway, like somebody had stepped too close behind me and didn’t care about personal space the way everybody else in the club did.
At first, I tried not to think too deep into it because it was packed and people was movin’ around nonstop, but that feelin’ didn’t go nowhere. It stayed right on me, heavy enough to make me pause mid-conversation, and I knew before I even turned around that whoever was behind me wasn’t just another random body in the crowd.
Soon as I turned around and saw Renza standin’ there, everything else around me faded into the background, and the look in his eyes caught me off guard in a way I wasn’t readyfor. It wasn’t the same energy he usually gave me. It wasn’t that smooth, easy way he moved when he was tryin’ to calm me down or pull me back in.
His eyes were dark, pissed, and locked in on me like he had been standin’ here watchin’ for a minute, takin’ in everything I was doin’ before I even realized he was behind me.
Before I could even open my mouth, he snatched my clutch off the bar and reached for my arm.
I jerked back instantly. “Nigga, hold up! Don’t be fuckin’ grabbin’ on me like that, Renza!”
He stepped closer anyway with his jaw tight, and eyes runnin’ over me from head to toe.
“You in here dressed like this,” he said, his voice sharp. “Shakin’ yo’ ass and postin’ that shit everywhere like you ain’t got no fuckin’ sense.”
I blinked, caught off guard. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me! What the fuck wrong with you?”
“If you would stay the fuck off my page, you wouldn’t know what the fuck I got goin’ on,” I shot back, my voice louder now.
The dude beside me stepped in, hand comin’ up. “Aye, chill?—”
Renza didn’t even acknowledge him. He already had his hand locked around his throat, liftin’ him just enough to take control of the space before he started beatin’ his ass. His punches was heavy, landin’ clean like he knew exactly what he was doin’, and it only took a few hits before the dude’s body gave out and dropped. But Renza didn’t let it end there.
He followed him down, still on him and swingin’, his knuckles connectin’ over and over to his face. It got real quiet around us real fast once people realized Renza wasn’t just fightin’. He was tryin’ to hurt this man for real.
My heart was poundin’, people scatterin’, drinks spillin’, music still playin’ like none of this was happenin’, and I just stood there watchin’ in disbelief.
Renza finally grabbed the man by his shirt and dragged him closer, droppin’ him right in front of me. His face was already swollen with one side puffed up bad. Blood ran from his nose and smeared across his mouth. His body just lay there loose like he was completely out of it.
