Then he stopped. He just… stopped.
His lips pulled away from mine, his hands fallin still like he had to catch himself, and I blinked up at him, my chest still movin’ from the way I had just been breathin’ him in.
“You good?” I asked, my voice softer now, not accusin’, just… askin’.
“Yeah,” he said, but he was already movin’ off me, standin’ up at the edge of the bed like he needed space from me all of a sudden.
That shit sat on me in a quiet way. It was enough to make me pause and look at him different, tryna figure out what just changed without askin’ him to explain it.
I pushed myself up a lil’, brushin’ it off before it could turn into somethin’ else. “My bad,” I said, like maybe I had pushed it too far.
He looked at me quick, shakin’ his head. “Nah, don’t do that. You don’t gotta apologize for nothing.”
I nodded, lettin’ that be that, even though I still ain’t fully understand what just happened.
He got in the bed with me after that, pullin’ me into his chest like he ain’t just stop us from goin’ somewhere else, but I let him hold me. I let myself settle back into him without questionin’ it, ’cause I wasn’t about to make it weird. If he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready. And I cared about him enough to respect that without pressin’ it.
His lips touched the top of my forehead, his arm draped over me, and after a while, everything in my body just started to shutdown. The liquor, the weed, the long night… it all caught up to me at once, and I drifted off right there with him holdin’ me.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how still everything felt around me. For a second. I just lay there, blinkin’ my eyes slow while I stretched out and tried to come back into myself.
My body was heavy in that lazy, slept-good kind of way, but somethin’ felt off, and I ain’t even realize what it was until I turned my head, expectin’ to see Kelli right here next to me. But he wasn’t.
I pushed myself up, lookin’ around the room like maybe he was in the bathroom or movin’ around somewhere and just out of my sight, but nothin’ moved and nothin’ made a sound, and that’s when it really hit me that he wasn’t in here at all.
I sat here for a second longer, lettin’ it settle instead of jumpin’ to conclusions, ’cause my mind ain’t even go straight to nothin’ negative. I figured he stepped out, probably went to grab somethin’ to eat or handle somethin’ quick, and I ain’t see no reason to make it bigger than what it could be.
So, I just stayed there, rubbin’ my hand over my face and sittin’ in that quiet for a minute while I woke up all the way. I decided not call out Kelli’s name and just give him a second to walk back in like I expected him to.
My phone lit up on the bed, so I reached for it. When I saw Kelli’s name, my heart did that lil’ jump I wasn’t even ready for yet.
I opened it, sittin’ up straighter without even realizin’ I had moved, and my eyes started movin’ across the screen slower the more I read.
Kelli: I paid for another night in the room for you, so you don’t gotta rush out. And if you need a ride home, I already set that up too. You good either way.
Kelli: I’m sorry for leaving like this. I didn’t wanna wake you, and I didn’t wanna stand there looking at you and not say this right.
I swallowed, my thumb hoverin’ over the screen while I kept goin’.
Kelli: I got so much love for you, Sha’Nelle. I need you to know that part first before anything else.
That alone made me sit back, my back hittin’ the headboard while my eyes stayed glued to the rest of it.
Kelli: But I’m not right in my head right now. I know that, and I’m not gon’ sit here and act like I wouldn’t end up fuckin’ this up if I let it go where it was starting to go last night.
Kelli: You don’t deserve that from me. You don’t deserve me trying to figure myself out while I’m already in the middle of you.
My grip on my phone tightened without me meanin’ to.
Kelli: I care about you too much to turn what we got into something messy or something that ends with you looking at me different. I couldn’t take that from you.
Kelli: And I know I should’ve said this in person. I do. But I wasn’t gon’ be able to get it out the right way standing in front of you, and I didn’t wanna lie to you or say some shit just because you was right there looking at me.
Kelli: So I left.
There was a pause in the messages, like even he ain’t know how to end it.
Then the last one came through…
