It took a few tries, but with each inhale and exhale it got easier to breathe, to think. “I’m sorry,” I finally managed to whisper.
He wiped the tears spilling down my cheeks with his thumbs before pushing my hair back off my face. “You ain’t got nothin’ to apologize for. I’m just glad you came when you did.”
I sniffled. “What happened?”
“I was just about to come find you, then she was there gettin’ all handsy. When I told her she needed to leave she just got more aggressive.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Quinn. Really.” His tone was stern but gentle. “We should probably go talk to your dad, though. Get this all sorted before Georgette spins more lies.”
“Let her. If my dad believes her over me, then I want nothing to do with him.” There was no way in hell that my dad would buy her bullshit once I got involved. She could weave the most extravagant tale, but at the end of the day, my dad wasn’t an idiot. Besides, I didn’t want to leave until Hux and I had figuredthings out. I hated this feeling. This hollowness in my chest that I'd felt after last night. I needed to know where we stood.
Looking up at him, I said softly, “You hurt me last night.”
His hands dropped to his sides and he let out a defeated sigh as he looked skyward. “I know. You don’t know how much I regret what I said, what I did, how I treated you. I was—” He swallowed hard and raised his hands toward his head, pulling his ball cap off with one hand and spearing his fingers through his hair with the other before righting it once more. “I was a fuckin’ idiot. I was drunk and belligerent, and I promise you I ain’t ever gonna do that shit ever again.”
“Drink, or ride, or yell at me?” I found myself asking.
“Any of it. All of it. Whatever you want.”
My eyes welled with tears once more. “Was that the real you last night?”
“No. No, I promise. I ain’t gonna lie though, I’ve gotten too drunk on more than one occasion, and my anger is something I fight with daily. But last night… That ain’t me. I don’t want that to be me. I swear, Quinn.” There was a desperate note to his voice I’d never heard before, and it broke me.
“I’m not going to be your punching bag, Hux. I’m already that for everyone else, it seems.”
“I don’t want you to be that. I fucked up. Never again, I swear.”
Did I believe him? I wanted to believe him. I think I believed him. But doubt lurked in the shadows of my mind. What if this was just the start?
Chapter thirty-two
Save Me
Hux
Every minute that tickedby felt like I was losing her. Second by second. Inch by inch. I’d seriously fucked up. The sadness in her voice, the way she seemed so closed off and just…dead inside. It’s like she’d lost all her light and warmth.
I had made her feel that way.
“I’m not going to be your punching bag, Hux. I’m already that for everyone else, it seems.”
That broke my heart. That she felt she was nothing more than that to people. That she’d come to expect that type of treatment from others. And I’d gone and proven I was just the same as everyone else.
I longed to reach out and touch her. To draw her into my arms, hold on tight and never let go. But the brokenness inher voice gave me pause. I didn’t want to push her away when everything we had was so up in the air.
“I don’t want you to be that. I fucked up. Never again, I swear.”
She blew out a shaky breath that danced across my skin. “I want you to know that I have no doubt you’d be able to ride again. I believe in you. I always have. You are brave and talented and so, so incredibly resilient and capable, and you’ll excel at anything you set your mind to. But at the end of the day Hux, that’s not enough for you, is it?”
My brows scrunched together, her words hitting me like a sledgehammer, knocking the wind from my lungs.That’s not enough for you.
She was done, wasn’t she?
I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. It didn’t matter though, in the end, as she continued, “Me believing in you isn’t enough. You need to believe in you. That’s the root of your anger, isn’t it?”
A lump lodged in my throat, and my lungs screamed for air that I couldn’t manage to suck down fast enough. My eyes stung. How fucking right was she? It wasn’t some secret how much I hated my circumstance. How much I hated what I’d become. It didn’t matter if I could navigate a grocery store decently without my vision or that I could ride a horse, or feed, or paint. None of that mattered, because at the end of the day, I was still the blind guy. I didn’t want anyone’s pity or them saying I was so brave because of my circumstance. I just wanted to be me.
