“N-no, I…” I didn’t miss the way his voice dipped and cracked. “My…uh…my sister’s name was Ellie Mae.”
My breath hitched, tightening in my chest. “I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know.” Cash had mentioned his sister’s name before, once or twice, but I didn’t recall that her middle name was Mae. It had been so long since we’d talked about Maverick’s past though that I could have maybe just forgotten. I wouldn’t forget something like that though. Not something as important as that.
Families were still a soft subject for Mav and I—well, mostly him. Dredging up those dark memories, reliving the past was hard…on both of us really. And as long as he didn’t force me to bring them up, I wouldn’t do that to him either.
Blowing out a breath, I pressed a reassuring hand over his. “I’m sorry. I get if that’s too hard for you. We can think of somethin’ else. We got ti—”
“No.” Maverick’s tone held a desperate, yet final note to it that made my heart crack. He met my stare. “Ain’t much good came out of my family, but I’d be honored to have this little girl share the same name as my sister.”
My heart shattered entirely at the fierce love written so plainly on his face. I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, trying to assure him with my touch when words seemed to fail me. I didn’t know what to say to that, but I’d be damned if I didn’t give him this after he’d given me so much.
Maverick remained quiet throughout dinner and excused himself as quickly as he could to retreat to the barn with Cason for a lesson while Charlie and I offered to stay and clean up. I’d noted the shift in him immediately, but hadn’t wanted to say anything until it was just the two of us. He did this from time to time—withdrew into himself and got really quiet. Well, okay, quieter than usual. He was always quiet, sometimes almost painfully so, but then there were times like this where the silence was so cold and hollow that I feared he might slip into one of his silent episodes again.
I wondered if it was the mention of his sister that did it this time, or if there was more to it than that. Worry niggled at me, but I pushed it down. One thing I’d learned about Mav was that he’d talk when he was ready. Push him too much and it would only take longer. He’d dig his heels in and get really stubborn.
I understood that all too well.
By the time Charlieand I finished and made our way to the barn to get Maverick and Cason, it was late. Cold had finally won out against the relentless Texas heat, the evening air bringing a sharp, chill crispness to it that I appreciated. But too much colder and I’d be an unhappy camper. I liked the warmth—like a little cactus, I thrived in heat. Not cold, harsh temperatures.
I pulled my jacket around me tighter and glanced at Charlie. “Ryder comes home this weekend, right?”
Her smile lit up the dark, the excitement written in every inch of her. “Yes, thank God.” My brows knit together in question and a sheepish look replaced the excitement on her face. “Sorry, I know that sounded bad. I’ve just missed him, and with being so far along I haven’t wanted to travel that far. I mean, I know we still have about a month left, but… I don’t know. I still get so sick and I don’t want him to have to worry about that as well as competing.”
I met her gaze, offering her a soft, reassuring smile. “That makes sense. He’s home from here on out till the baby comes, right?”
She nodded, running a hand through her hair as a broad smile lit up her face once more. “Yes. I’m excited for him to be home for more than just a few days here and there. There’s so much to do and so little time. I can’t believe they’re almost here.”
I blew out a breath, mist forming in the air. A mixture of unease and excitement sprung to life in my chest. “I know. It’s crazy.”
“You ready?”
I barked out a laugh. “Fuck, no. Are you?”
She let out a chuckle. “Not at all. Some days I just want this pregnancy to be over and I’m like, okay, I’m ready, but then I think of things like feeding schedules and diaper changes and percentiles and I start freaking out. Not to mention the actual labor.”
The uneasy feeling in my chest roiled, before settling a bit at the realization that Charlie, for as put together as she seemed, also felt the same. At least I wasn’t alone in this. I couldn’t imagine being in this position by myself.
“Same, girl. Same.”
Chapter forty-four
West Texas Weather
Maverick
Iwas halfway throughCason’s lesson when a black Lexus pulled up by the barn. Deja vu hit me for a moment, and I imagined Ashleigh’s tall frame sliding out of the vehicle, but it wasn’t her.
Thank the Lord.
Though, I wasn’t necessarily in the mood to deal with the person who slid out of this car either. Cash hopped out, leaning over to kiss whoever drove, before closing the door and sauntering my way. So that’s why he hadn’t been home for dinner. My nerves coiled and writhed within me. I wasn’t really in the mood for any of his antics. Which wasn’t fair. He hadn’t said a word and I was already annoyed.
I wasn’t even mad at him though, or really mad in general for that matter. I was just…I don’t know. In my own head, I guess. I felt like I was a soda can that’d gotten all shaken up, and was just sitting, waiting to either flatten out or explode.
Right now, I wasn’t sure which way it would go. And I didn’t want Cason to see how I acted when I got angry.
Flickers of ugly memories struggled to rear their heads. I fought them, pushing them deep, deep down, but a few trickled through.Dad’s yelling. The sound of beer bottles shattering. The boom of my father’s fists against the wall. I shuddered, trying to shake out of my mind.
I’d never laid a hand on anyone like my dad did, but his anger ran through my veins. It was a part of me. One I hated, and tried as hard as I could to keep at bay.
