There were so many memories, each moment more beautiful and magical and heart wrenching than the last. Maverick was kind and good and everything that was right in the world. He was a prime example of not letting your past define you. The bravest, strongest man I knew… And I’d left him.
Left him in the middle of the night, like a fucking coward.
A wave of disgust and self-loathing surged through me, strong enough to choke the air from my lungs. My vision was blurring, my nerves growing all tingly. Fuck. What was happening to me? I pulled off to the side of the highway and slammed the car in park as sound morphed and wobbled, a loud ringing filling the silence.
“Fuck. Fuck.” My breath sawed in and out of my lungs, my chest heaving from the effort. I looked to Brandy in the passenger’s seat as she let out a whine. I tried and failed to focus my breathing as I reached out a hand to pet her. The ringing wouldn’t stop, and I felt hot and cold all at once. What the hell was happening? She crawled over the center console and placed her head on my stomach. I ran a hand over her fur, over and over again, forcing slow, deep breaths down my lungs.
Tears welled and blurred my vision once more as I pressed my head to the steering wheel and let out a gut-wrenching sob. God, it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad.
Why did it have to be like this?
Go back.The words were like a caress from my subconscious.
I wanted nothing more than to listen, but…but going back wouldn’t change anything. I was a danger to Maverick and his family. Nate wouldn’t stop. The stupid texts I kept getting from random numbers were proof enough.
I thought of Maverick, my heart breaking just a bit more. Had he read the letter yet? I bet he had. I glanced at the clock on my car. 9:36AM. There was no doubt in my mind he was already awake. He’d had to have read it by now.
I wondered how he was handling it. Guilt racked through me, pummeling the air from my lungs so thoroughly that I saw stars for a moment and thought I might pass out. He probably hated me. I honestly hoped he did. I deserved it.
My cell phone buzzed somewhere in the cup holder. Probably another threat from Nate. But the buzz was different.A call, then. A whirlwind of emotions stirred in my chest. Hope and dread, curiosity and fear. Was it Nate? Maverick?
Curiosity got the best of me in the end, and I reached for my phone, my head still resting against the steering wheel. I couldn’t lift it; my limbs had turned to mush. The will to move, to do anything more than just merely exist was too much.
I frowned at the familiar name on my phone.Charlie.I shouldn’t answer. I didn’t want to deal with her questions, her anger. She’d no doubt be furious. But it’s like my brain and mind weren’t in agreement.
My thumb hit the green answer button.
“I’m not comin’ home, Charlie,” I sobbed out by way of greeting.
“I know. I wanted to make sure you were okay. How’s baby girl?” Charlie’s voice was soft, understanding on the other line. And that was somehow worse. I didn’t deserve her sympathy, her kindness.
“We’re f-f-fine,” I replied, struggling through the words.
“Breathe, Chey. It’s okay. Just breathe.”
I wiped uselessly at the tears leaking down my face. It’s like my tear ducts had broken and liquid just flowed from them endlessly now. “It’s n-n-not o-k-kay. I fuckin’ left him!”
“I know.” Her voice was sad. “He told us. He said Nate threatened you?”
I huffed a bitter laugh, sniffling as I said, “Oh, yeah. About a dozen fuckin’ times.” My phone buzzed and I glanced down to see yet another random number show up as a text notification across the top banner of my phone. “Make that thirteen now.”
“Chey…” Charlie loosed a sigh. “I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t want to leave,” I whispered, leaning back against the seat and closing my eyes. Brandy’s head on my stomach helped soothe some of the ache inside me. “I love him…but I’m scared.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “H-how is he doin’?”
I had to know. I knew it was torture. I knew it would do me no good, but I…well, I needed to know.
Another sigh. “About as good as you’d think.”
Which meant fucking horrible. Worry and guilt swirled in my chest, filling my lungs like smoke. I let out a sob. And through it all, Charlie just listened, the other end of the line remaining quiet. She didn’t push me or try to pry. Before I knew it, my sobs turned to whispers, then whispers to words. “...He bared his scars to me, Charlie. He told me everythin’...and I just left.”
“You can come back…” Her voice was soft, hesitant, as if she wasn’t quite sure she should say the words aloud, but couldn’t help it.
I scoffed. “Everyone would hate me.Hewould hate me.”
