“Seems like this Ashleigh person really wants to talk to you.” I didn’t hold back the venom in my voice.
Maverick’s throat bobbed, his hand slipping from mine as he fidgeted with his hat. Worry danced in his eyes as he met my stare. His silence made my anger boil hotter and hotter, until my emotions came spilling over the top. My words were full of fury and hurt when I spoke next. “Who is she to you, Maverick?”
I needed to know what he thought of her. What threat she posed. What problems I was looking at because of her.
He shook his head, his gaze pleading.
I clenched my fists, my jaw tightening for a moment.
“No. I need more than that, Maverick.” I needed more than a head shake or nod. “Your aunt and Cash have both told meplentyabout her. I know what she did to you last Christmas. I know that y’all had been talkin’ again and she screwed you over and that’s why you went out last Saturday.” Tears pricked in my eyes, and damn it, but my voice quivered as I asked, “Is she gonna cause problems between us?”
Pain shone in his gaze, hung in every nook and cranny of his entire being. It radiated from him as his lips parted and he blew out a breath.
“Please,” I breathed, tears blurring my vision. “Please, talk to me. Or just…I don’t know write it down. Text it to me. Fuck, for all I care, pull off to the side of the road and write it in the fuckin’ dirt. I just—I need to know.”
I needed him to reassure me that she wouldn’t be a problem.
His brow furrowed, the scowl on his lips causing deep, angry grooves on his harsh, handsome face. His jaw clenched and unclenched as we sat in deafening silence.
“Look… I don’t need you to talk today. Or tomorrow. Or even a month from now. If you never talk again well, I’m sure we can make it work. But I need to know what that girl means to you, Mav. I need to know that what I feel for you is worth fightin’ for. I need some reassurance.”
I guess this was the defining moment. The deal breaker.
Had someone told me last Saturday that in a week from now I’d be wanting to dive into a relationship after barely dating someone, I’d have laughed in their face. Yet here I was, very much standing on the precipice of that decision. Trying to decide to jump all in or walk away.
Ineededan answer.
Was I being irrational? Insensitive? Was I being unfair and selfish? Maybe. Probably. But I couldn’t back down now. No—I wouldn’t.
I know he’d been through a lot this last week. And I couldn’t even begin to fathom the toll it had taken on his past trauma, but I couldn’t be with someone if they couldn’t give me all of them. And if he couldn’t reassure me in some way or form of my fears, well, then he couldn’t give me that.
He reached a hand out, brushing his thumb across my cheek to wipe away one of my tears. I watched the silent battle play out on his face. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Determination. Pain. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it once more. My heart clamored in my chest, beating so wildly against my rib cage I thought I might crack a rib.
“Please,” I whispered, gripping his wrist and leaning into his soothing touch.
But the longer we drove, the louder that silence got. He remained closed off to me. Distracted.
This was what I got for putting myself out there. For taking a risk. This was why hookups were so much easier.
No more. No more relationships. No more letting my stupid, weak heart get in the way.
Maverick tapped my leg, urging me to look at him. I whirled his way, ready to snap out some nasty, mean response, but it died on my lips as I saw the sorrow on his face. Sadness swelled within me, washing away the anger and leaving nothing but desolation in its place, fizzling out in the aftermath.
I knew he wanted to talk. I knew he was trying. And I’d told him the truth earlier, if he never talked again that would be okay. I wasn’t upset that he wasn’t talking. I was upset that even though he held my hand, even though his touch made me burn with need, I didn’t know how he felt about me. I knew that actions spoke louder than words, and I knew it might be selfish of me, but right now I needed more than actions. More than what he could give.
Chapter twenty-six
Cowboys Never Cry
Maverick
Ifucked up. Everysecond, every mile we drove in silence towards the ranch I felt Cheyenne withdrawing more and more. I’d lost her, before she was even really mine.
Fuck.
It’s like all the light had left her. Like when storm clouds swallowed up the sun.
The worst part about this was it was my own damn fault.
