She sighed. “Thank you,” she said. “It means a lot to me that you understand.”
“I didn’t say I understand.” He grinned. “Only that I was willing to help. But I’ve given up on the idea of understanding you, Prudence. You’re an enigma to me.”
She smiled back. For a moment, she just lingered, looking at him, saying nothing, not pulling away.
Finally, she stepped back. “I’ll leave you to your work,” she said.
And a part of him wanted to stop her. To tell her that she didn’t need to leave, that he was happy for her to stay with him, and that her company was nothing but a pleasure.
He gritted his teeth and stopped himself. This wasn’t a moment that required her to stay. She had been reassured about the cat. The only reasons he might have for her to stay here now were selfish ones, and he wouldn’t try to compel her to stay just because it would make him happy.
I have to stop being in conflict with myself about this. I’ve already decided that this isn’t going to be that kind of marriage, and if I act as though it is, I’ll be giving her false hope. She deserves straightforward treatment from me.
He returned his desk, allowing her to take her leave, keeping his head down until she was gone. He knew that if he looked up at her, he ran the risk of changing his mind and calling her back, and he didn’t want to do that.
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
He was in over his head with all of this, and the more time went on, the more aware of that fact he became. He had been so sure of the idea that he would be able to manage this marriage, that he would be able to bring this woman into his house and be married to her with no fuss or expectation. And then, gradually, things had begun to change.
He cared for her now, and there was nothing he could do to take that back. He was just going to have to find a way to live with it—and to keep it from impacting her as much as it had already began to impact him.
This is dangerous. It’s dangerous for both of us, and I can’t allow myself to get carried away.
He looked down at the papers spread in front of him. There was no chance he was going to be able to get any more work done today. With a sigh, he got to his feet again.
He would find another room in the house in which to sequester himself for a while—and he would do his best to steer clear of his wife for her sake.
CHAPTER 28
Redmayne Manor was familiar to Prudence—almost as familiar as her own home had become at this point. Arabella had been living here for years, and Prudence had visited many times. It was a place that made her feel confident and comfortable.
But on the night of a ball, everything was different.
This was her first time attending her sister’s annual ball as a married lady, and that made things feel different too. She felt a sense of belonging that she never had before, and that—truth be told—she hadn’t realized she was looking for. To walk into this room as not only Arabella’s sister but the Duke of Desford’s wife was incredibly validating, and as people’s eyes fixed on her, she felt certain that their thoughts couldn’t possibly be anything negative or unflattering.
She clung to Leonard’s arm, as she’d gotten into the habit of doing at these affairs, and leaned close to him. “Look,” she said.“There’s my cousin. She wrote and told me that she was going to come over early tonight to help Arabella host the ball. After all, she is the main focus of tonight’s events.”
“Do you think she’ll find herself a husband?” Leonard murmured back.
“I don’t know. She’s so shy,” Prudence said. Shyness was a trait she’d never understood; she didn’t contain a bit of it herself. Why not just stand up and say what you were thinking at all times? But she was used to the way Caroline’s shyness affected her, so she knew how to handle it when she saw it in Bridget. “We’re going to have to help her. We’ll introduce her to some people. You’ll be willing to do your part with that, right?”
“Of course, I will,” Leonard said. “Do you have anyone in mind?”
“No, no, I just want her to spend the evening dancing with a lot of different gentlemen,” Prudence said. “I want her to have options. I want her to get a look at what’s out there for her to choose from so she’ll be well positioned to make a choice by the end of the season.”
“You think she’ll marry by the end of the season, then?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, but I do think she might enter into a courtship by that time. That would be ideal.” Music began to play. “We should dance!” she enthused, taking his hand and pulling him toward the floor. “I love this piece.”
“Do you?” He seemed to hesitate a little, lingering rather than allowing her to pull him forward. “Maybe we should get something to drink before we take to the dance floor.”
“No, I want to dance,” she insisted, giving another gentle tug on his hand. She raised her voice slightly to ensure that everyone around them would hear what she was about to say. “I’ve been looking forward to being in your arms all day, Leonard. You know very well that there’s nothing that makes me happier.”
She beamed, satisfied with herself. No one who heard those words could doubt that she was madly in love with her husband, so she knew that Leonard would be pleased with what she had said.
What was more, she was surprised—and oddly gratified—to find that there was no falseness in what she had said. She really did want to spend the evening in his arms. The discovery of what a good dancer her husband was had been a lovely one, and while they were at these balls, the odd tension that so often existed between them at home seemed to melt away. At home, it was as though they were pushing each other away, putting up walls between them. But here, they had given themselves permission to show that they were fond of one another. It was what they were supposed to be doing; it was the goal. And that meant that pulling closer to him, smiling up at him, and enjoying his touch and his nearness were all made simple and easy.
If only it could be like this all the time, she thought as they began to dance.If only we could have a marriage that included these little moments. I don’t know what I’m going to do whenthe season ends, and we have to go back to treating each other coolly all the time.
