Leonard kissed me.
Where on Earth do we go from here?
CHAPTER 31
“Will we dance together tonight?” Prudence asked as Leonard helped her down from the carriage.
“I think so,” Leonard said with a soft smile. Prudence almost didn’t recognize him with that expression on his face. She’d never seen him look so loving before. And that was really the only word for it. There was pure affection in his eyes. That couldn’t be denied.
The two of them hadn’t spoken of the kiss since the night it had happened which was three days ago now. She’d come to breakfast the following morning wondering whether he would be there at all. He had been, and he had greeted her warmly—again, with affection—but he had made no mention of that moment between the two of them.
Prudence would have liked to ask him about it, to find out whether he had stayed up all night thinking about what had happened as she had. But she hadn’t been able to find the words.And the fact that he hadn’t asked her anything about it might mean that it hadn’t weighed on his mind the way it had on hers. If that was the case, she didn’t want to ask him about it. She didn’t want to run the risk of hearing him say that it had just been a moment of weakness, that it hadn’t meant anything much to him.
I could bear it if that turned out to be the case, I think, as long as I was allowed to bear it privately without him knowing what pain I was in.
But tonight, the night of the Earl of Warton’s ball, had been a sort of test in her mind. How would he treat her now that they’d had the discussion they had—now that they had kissed? Would things return to the way they had been before Arabella’s ball? Would he want to go back to putting on a show of being deeply in love so they could make the right impression on society? Or would the kiss make matters worse, convince him that he had been right to fear getting too close to her?
The fact that he said they were going to dance together was a wonderful sign, and Prudence felt hope balloon within her at the thought of it. It meant that he wanted to spend the evening with her, that the kiss—probably—had impacted him as much as it had her. It meant that she wasn’t being a fool to hope at least. To imagine that there was something new and tender between the two of them since that night.
“Do you want to dance?” he asked, looking down at her.
“Very much,” she said softly, her eyes locked to his. It occurred to her that if anyone looked their way right now, they’d see a couple who appeared to be in love. But Prudence wasn’t acting, wasn’t doing anything to try to put on appearances. It would have been genuinely difficult to break away from looking at him.
“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do,” he said. “Dance now? Or should we make the rounds and say our greetings to everyone first?”
“I suppose the cordial thing is to greet people first,” she observed.
“But if that’s not what you prefer, there’s no reason we have to,” he told her. “I know how you know your own mind, Prudence. If you want to go straight to the dance floor, I’ll take you there.”
Prudence felt as if she hadn’t stopped inhaling since they’d arrived. In her wildest dreams, she could never have imagined the night going this well. She’d hoped that he would dance with her, but this tender exchange, this looking deep into her eyes as though he genuinely cared about her, offering her whatever he could to make her feel happy—she hadn’t dreamed of this.
She took his hand, and he led her out onto the floor.
As the dance began, she saw him swallow hard and press his lips together. For the first time, she realized that he was nervous—she didn’t think she had ever seen him show signs of nerves before.
Well, of course he is. He’s afraid he’s going to fall into a trap the way he tells me his parents did. He’s afraid he’s going to lose himself in his feelings for me.
It was such a flattering thing for him to be afraid of—that he might like her so much he forgot how to be himself—and she was instantly resolved to help him. She would make sure that he didn’t forget who he was, that he was never able to.
She locked eyes with him. “I said before that you were a good dancer,” she said. “I think everyone might be discovering that about you for the first time.”
To her relief, he smiled, clearly jostled from his anxieties. “Do you think so?”
“It’s very clear to me. You’ve had a reputation for many things, Leonard, but being a great dancer has never been one of them because people have never had the opportunity to see you show off in this way. You know, you wanted to use the season to let people know how good our relationship has been, but I think another thing that’s going to happen is that everyone will get to know a little bit more about the kind of man you are. That’s exciting, don’t you think?”
He laughed. “I suppose I don’t have your faith that people will like what they see!”
“Then you’re going to have to take my word for it as someone who has gotten to know you very recently,” she told him, squaring her shoulders. “You are a pleasant surprise,Leonard. Anyone who gives you a chance will discover that for themselves.”
The music drew to a close. They lingered for a moment in one another’s arms, neither of them eager to part. “Shall we get ourselves a drink?” Leonard asked finally. “Perhaps we could greet some people along the way.”
“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Prudence agreed.
She’d had her dance, and her thoughts now turned to the question of whether or not he would take her arm as they made their way to the drinks. It was so odd. Earlier this afternoon, she would have sworn that a dance would be enough to leave her completely satisfied, that there was nothing else she wanted out of this evening. But now that the dance was over, her every happiness seemed to hang on the question of what would happen next.
It’s as if I can’t have enough of him. As if no matter what happens, I always want more.
In any other circumstances, that would have been the ideal way to feel in a marriage, she thought. To never tire of your husband, to want more and more of him as long as the two of you knew one another. It ought to have been a good thing to feel this way.
