Would my death make a difference? Why was I alive when they’d died? Jesus! I jumped to my feet and stalked off. My boots crunched on the thick snow that had fallen a few days ago. Maybe I should lie down and let the cold take me. They say freezing is an easy death.
I was tempted to try. It was what I deserved, after all.
Thanksgiving was soon, and I’d nothing to be thankful for. I wasn’t grateful to be alive.Why the fuck didn’t I just give Fury the club?That would have stopped him. The insidious thought kept running through my head as I stared out at the snow-covered trees. A heavy snowfall at this time of year was unusual. Was this also a sign? Was the universe telling me I shouldn’t be here? Somehow, I couldn’t disagree.
“Drake! God, you’re freezing. Come inside!” Phoe exclaimed. I turned and looked at her.
Phoe’s hair was pulled up messily into a rough ponytail. She appeared tired, with worry lines around her eyes. Phoe’s mouth was tight, another sign of being stressed. She was wrapped up warmly and carried my heavy leather coat.
“Put this on,” Phoe chided.
Stiffly, I reached out and took it. “Go inside, babe, it’s freezing out here.”
“But it’s okay for you without a jacket?” Phoe retorted. I should have smiled. Phoe was being mouthy, but I didn’t have it in me. In pure silence, I stared; there was a distance I couldn’t breach. Did Phoe recognise the coward I was? Did the love of my life see the blood on my hands when she gazed at me?
“Drake?” Phoe whispered and stepped forward.
“Go inside. It’s too cold,” I ordered. Not for me, though. I welcomed the chill. Maybe if I stayed here long enough, I’d get ill.
“Ace says there’s a meeting tomorrow. Are you going?” Phoe asked.
“No, Ace can manage.”
“Drake, we’re worried—”
“Don’t be Phoe. I’m not worth the effort. If you don’t realise that, you will soon.”
“What has got into you, Drake? How can you say you’re unworthy of our concern?” Phoe demanded.
Listlessly, I shrugged. Phoe wanted answers I wouldn’t provide.
“Drake, please come in and talk to Ace or me,” Phoe pleaded.
“In a bit,” I said, staring at the treeline.
Phoe sighed and then walked away. I had to put distance between us, Phoe shouldn’t be stuck with me. She was only forty-five—Phoe could easily get another husband. Even though I knew deep in my heart that was the correct route, something inside screamed. Told me I was wrong. But I wasn’t, and that voice needed silencing because it was stopping me from ending everything.
Belladonna
I flinched as the suffering tore at me; it was eviscerating, and I stumbled back, and Sapphire reached out and steadied me. The level of emotion took my breath away, as did the surge of hostility that accompanied it. Someone was in sheer agony, and it was so bad it was hitting me hard. Shame landed next, twisted and digging deep, clawing its way into the person’s psyche. It wasn’t insidious, but an outright assault. Behind it was a sharp spear of hate, driving it deeper into the victim. Hate ensured that guilt embedded itself alongside self-blame.
My knees began giving way as blindness took my sight, and I detected a silent, thin scream for help. Sanity remained, a sliver so minuscule it was almost invisible, but it struggled to be heard. I reached out even as Sapphire dropped beside me.
Desperately, I grasped that little light, so in danger of being snuffed out, and I sent energy to bolster that small flame.
In turn, I was attacked; hate flew towards me with a vengeance so strong I almost blacked out. Angrily, I fought backas it sought a way past my walls, and I cried out, grabbing my head.
The tiny piece of sanity screamed once more, and loathing raced to smother it. I sent everything I dared to shore it up before sudden silence fell. Hate had slammed the channel shut, and I’d lost the link.
“What the fuck happened?” Sapphire demanded as I opened my eyes and blinked. The world appeared too bright, and I closed them again.
“Someone is suffering, seriously hurting.”
“Who?”
“Don’t know. But God, the level of agony and self-recrimination was awful. I could taste it, Saph,” I replied.
“Can you get up?”
