After moments that felt like hours, Anna’s breathing settled. Ryan wondered if she had fallen back to sleep, but her quiet voice spoke into the darkness.
“I’m never going to be free of him. He’ll always be there, if not in person then in my mind. He wants to kill me; I know he does.”
Ryan was silent as he pulled her even closer, as if his embrace could fend off every threat. How he wished it were that simple, that he could slay her dragons and promise her safety forever. What if the justice system failed them? What if Tim were to be released on bail? Ryan had a sinking suspicion that there was more to Anna’s history with Tim than what she had told him, but unless she let him in, how could he keep her safe.
“I swear to you I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” Ryan kissed the top of Anna’s head, knowing his words were empty promises in the face of such evil. “Baby, this might be hard to talk about, but I need to know the whole story. I need to know what we’re up against. You said Tim was into some bad shit back in Sacramento, but why won’t he leave you alone? Why do you think he’ll try to kill you?”
Filled with dread, Ryan remembered a conversation he had with Callie back when he was just getting to know Anna. Torn between desperately not wanting to know the answer, and understanding that he had to hear the full truth, he asked, “Anna… did he… did he ever hurt you? Physically I mean?”
* * *
Deep down Anna had known she couldn’t hide forever from the truth of what she knew. The memories of that bitter night in December were always there, buried deep inside her mind. Still, she hesitated. Would Ryan be mad that she had not told him everything sooner? Maybe what happened could have been prevented, if only Anna had not been too scared to come forward.
Sitting up again, she gently disentangled herself from Ryan’s arms, immediately missing the warmth she found there. Her hands twisted in her lap as she tried to gather her thoughts and figure out how to start.
With a deep, cleansing breath in and out, she looked at Ryan, taking in the concern and love etched on his face. She caressed his cheek, trying to ease the lines of worry forming on his forehead.
“No, Ryan, he never hurt me like that. He was a high-level drug dealer, but he never hit me.”
Ryan’s sigh of relief brought a sad smile to her face as she continued, “It’s worse than that. He didn’t hurt me physically, just emotionally. The reason he wants to kill me is because he… Oh god, I don’t know how to say this. I never said anything to you, or to anyone, because I was desperate to forget what happened.” Anna’s voice broke at the daunting task of reliving her darkest memory.
“Anna, you can tell me anything. You know I love you, and I’ll be here for you no matter what.”
Ryan spoke softly, but there was a thread of steel in his words. That strength was there to protect Anna, shield her from whatever nightmare was to come. When he took her hands, the warmth of his grip emphasized how ice-cold Anna’s were. She smiled softly again. He always knew what to say to bring her comfort.
“I know you do, Ry. Just, please, let me get this out, okay?”
“I will, but you have to let me hold you. I need to hold you and feel you close to me,” he replied.
Anna nodded, and snuggled back into his embrace. Truthfully, it would be easier to talk without seeing his face.
“One night, Tim took me with him for one of his ‘client meetings’ as he called them. More like a sketchy drug deal done in a secluded alley. I still don’t know why he made me come out with him that night in particular. I suspect it’s because he knew I wanted to leave him, so he didn’t want to leave me at home alone. By this time, I had already begun to think about how to get out of the relationship. My aunt had died, and the letter from her lawyer had arrived just a few days earlier. I still have no idea how the lawyer found me, but thank god he did. When I saw that I had inherited her house, it felt like a sign. This was my way out.”
Anna was glad Ryan couldn’t see her face, as she knew he would see the raging emotions at war inside of her. Getting the full story out into the open was her only priority, and if Ryan tried to interrupt her, even if only to provide comfort or reassurance, she knew she would crack and not be able to finish.
“Something in me told me to record what happened in that alley. Maybe it was Aunt Theresa’s angel guiding me, who knows. But I did—I pulled out my phone and recorded the whole thing. I couldn’t hear what was said, but I saw what happened. All of it.”
Taking a deep, calming breath in and out, Anna closed her eyes, and, for the first time, allowed the images from that night to resurface.
“At first, all I could see out of the back window was Tim talking with a man. They were behind the car, and Tim’s back was to me. Then suddenly, I guess something went wrong, Tim pulled a gun. Where he had been hiding it, I don’t know. I had no clue he even had any guns, which might have been stupidly naïve of me, but there you go. A second later, Tim shot the other man, twice. I couldn’t see any blood or anything, but that sound, and then seeing the man drop to the ground, I’ll never forget that.” Anna shivered, as the sound of those gunshots rang in her mind. “Then, Tim just stood over the body, staring at him for a moment, before making a phone call. I guess he was calling someone to come and deal with the body. After that, he got back in the car and drove us home without saying a word.”
Ryan had not made a sound, nor moved a muscle, throughout Anna’s story. When her voice trailed off, her only confirmation that he had heard everything was a slight tightening of his arms around her.
The air was charged with emotion. Anna felt as if an immense weight had been lifted from her heart just by finally sharing her burden of memory. At the same time, she was filled with trepidation. What would Ryan say, how would he react, knowing that she had witnessed a murder, and done nothing?
Ryan pulled away from Anna, turned so he was sitting across from her and looked straight into her eyes. She drank in the serious set to his face, somber yet filled with love.
Slowly, he said, “Anna, I can’t even begin to understand what you went through. You have to be the strongest, most courageous woman I have ever met, to have lived in that hell and to have successfully left.” He took her hands, his thumbs gently stroking the backs of them as he continued, “Did he know that you saw what happened? That you recorded it?”
Anna shook her head. “No, I don’t think he knew I saw what happened, until last night when I told him. That’s why I think he wants me dead.”
Surprise flitted across Ryan’s face when Anna admitted she had told Tim that she knew what he had done.
“Why the hell did you tell him?”
She shrugged. “I thought maybe I could use it as blackmail. I don’t know why, Ryan. It was stupid. I know I should have taken it to the police in the first place, but I was just so scared. I had this ridiculous hope that he would just leave me alone and I could forget it ever happened. Of course, all the hope in the world couldn’t erase the fear I’ve lived with ever since that night. The fear that he would come and find me. And that is exactly what happened isn’t it. Damn, I’m a moron.”
Anna dropped her head into her hands as the realization hit her. Maybe all of this could have been prevented if she had just taken the video to the police right away. Back then her focus had been on getting out of Sacramento and as far away from Tim as she could. How foolish she had been to think he wouldn’t try to find her.
