Mel sank down on a nearby bench. “I know, Reagan. Trust me, I know.”
Reagan walked over, sat down beside her, and leaned her head down to rest on Mel’s shoulder. “So stop standing in your own way.”
When Mel eventually made it home later that afternoon, she walked into an empty apartment.This is what it will be like when they’re gone,she thought. But before her thoughts could carry on down that sad path, the front door opened, and Noah walked in with a crying baby.
“We both need a drink,” Noah said gruffly, and Mel felt a pang in her heart. She wanted to take away his sadness, be his strength. How would she survive it when another woman came between them and they didn’t have their close friendship? She unclipped Connor from his car seat and cuddled the little baby into her chest, shushing and rocking to try and ease his cries as Noah prepared a bottle. How would she survive not seeing Connor every day, not having that heady feeling of success when she was the one to soothe him? Her heart was aching from the loss of something that was never hers to begin with.
In that moment, Reagan’s words came back to her, and she realized her friend was right. She just had to get out of her own way. The realization was like cloudy skies parting to reveal a rainbow. The shackles on her heart broke free, and Mel realized Noah was the answer to everything. What had started as a crazy idea to help Noah retain custody of Connor, had turned out to be the perfect opportunity for Melanie to finally admit to herself, and to Noah, how much she loved him. How she couldn’t stand the idea of living without him and Connor; how she was done standing in her own way and was ready to be with him. Mel opened her mouth, ready to tell Noah that she wanted their relationship to be real, when he spoke, his words shattering her.
“I think you’re right. We should get married, for Connor. And then as soon as the custody suit is closed, we’ll get an annulment. I’ll move out next week when I get the keys to the house, but we’ll have to keep up the pretense of living together until it’s all over. I appreciate everything you’ve done, Mel, truly. You’ve been an amazing friend. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be this close to you and not have you, and you’ve made it perfectly clear that you could never love me the way I love you. So, I’ll take advantage of your generosity one more time, to save my son, but then I’ll get out of your way and we can go back to just friends. Just like you want.”
Mel was frozen in place, unable to move, even take a breath, as her heart broke into a million pieces, far more brutally than when Darren had left her. This was what she had been afraid of. Without even knowing it, Noah had hurt her, because he had stopped believing in her, in the possibility of them. A part of her knew that she should still tell him how she felt, tell him she was ready to take the plunge and let herself admit she was falling in love with him. But another, stronger part of her had instantly retreated into self-preservation mode. There was no chance he would believe her now; she had pushed him away too many times.
She nodded silently, keeping her eyes focused down on Connor. After a moment, she felt him get up off the couch and walk down the hall. Only when she heard a door close, and the shower turn on, did she let her tears slide down her face.
Her mother had been right, thanks to her own fears and stubbornness, she had lost them both.
Chapter 17
The next few days went by uneventfully. For the most part, Noah steered clear of Mel. He knew he needed to get used to the fact that they would never be together the way he wanted them to be. That meant he had to force himself to make space between them, something made all the more difficult by the fact that he was still living with her. Unfortunately, November had arrived in Portland, bringing cold and wet weather. That severely limited Noah’s opportunities to get out of the apartment with Connor, unless he took him to his mother’s house.
Carla had emailed him, saying Gigi’s parents had filed the custody suit paperwork, and a hearing was scheduled for the following month.Merry Christmas to me, he thought grimly, as he entered the details into his calendar on his phone. He would either be celebrating his first holidays as a father or grieving the loss of his son. Not only that, but he would also be going through the holidays without Mel by his side. Any hope he once had of at least maintaining their friendship, despite the emotional roller coaster of the past month, was gone. He had grudgingly accepted that things would never be the same between them. He had ruined any chance of that by giving in to his intense desire to be with her.
Still, a perverse part of him was looking forward to their wedding day, even if all it would be was a short ceremony in front of a justice of the peace. Mel had asked that no one know about their plan, claiming it would be simpler and less confusing if they kept it between themselves. Noah doubted that was the real reason. Mel didn’t want any of their friends telling them they were acting like fucking morons, dancing around their feelings and now being stupid enough to get married. He knew she didn’t want to be called out by the girls for stringing him along, and he didn’t want to see the pitying looks their friends would give him. After all, it wasn’t a secret that he had feelings for Mel, not anymore. So, he had agreed. Their friends knowing about their sham of a marriage would only make things more awkward moving forward.
When the day arrived, Noah made breakfast for them both as Mel played with Connor on the couch.
“So, the plan is for me to drop Connor off with my mom, then I’ll stop by my place and change before coming back here to pick you up before our appointment,” Noah said casually, even as he winced inside at the idea of calling their wedding an appointment.
Mel looked up at him with a soft smile, but he detected a trace of sadness in her eyes. “Yeah, sounds good. Should we get lunch after?” Her voice was hesitant, but he heard hope in her words.
“Sure. Treating you to lunch seems like the least I could do; you’re doing so much for me,” he replied honestly.
“Noah, you don’t owe me anything. I offered to marry you for Connor.”
His heart skipped at the wistful tone to her words, then sunk immediately after.For Connor.
“Right. Yeah, I know.” He ran his hands through his hair, trying to ignore how awkward things felt. “Still, I just want you to know, I appreciate it. Everything.”
A flash of heat crossed between them, and he hurried to clarify, “I mean everything you’ve done for Connor.”
This time he knew he didn’t imagine the disappointment in her eyes. But he didn’t dare dwell on what that might mean.
“Right, for Connor.” She stood up and put Connor in his swing before turning to go down the hall to her bedroom. “I guess I’ll just get ready. See you in a bit.”
Once she had left, Noah put his coffee mug down on the counter and hung his head. “Damnit,” he muttered softly under his breath. This awkward tension was slowly destroying him. He missed his friend. Their easy conversation and affection. Yeah, he missed the sex, but if he couldn’t have that he had at least hoped to salvage their friendship. But if the last week was any indication, even that was going to be a struggle. With a sigh, he stood up, grabbed the diaper bag, and loaded Connor into the car seat.
A short while later, Connor was being doted on by Nana, and Noah was pulling into his parking spot at his old apartment. He still had to deal with listing it for sale, now that he had the house, but that was low on the priority list for now. Still, packing boxes were everywhere and he had started throwing a few things into them, in preparation for moving. As he walked through his apartment, Noah paused and took in the moment. He was a single guy, a father, but soon he would be a husband—at least on paper. He should have been more excited. His friends and family should have been there to celebrate with him. Instead he was alone, changing into dress pants and a button up shirt. Sliding his feet into some leather shoes, he gave himself one final look in the mirror before locking the door and heading back to pick up Mel.
Despite the unsettled feeling in his stomach at how his wedding day was unfolding, Noah couldn’t deny the spark of anticipation over saying ‘I do’ to Mel. And that spark threatened to combust when he opened the door to her apartment and saw her standing there.
“You look gorgeous,” he blurted out, as his eyes traveled the length of her body, taking in the loose curls of her mahogany hair, and the way the pale blue dress hugged her curves. He had never seen her look so feminine, not even at Callie and Jake’s wedding. She was stunning, and the smile on her face made her even more so.
“Thank you. You clean up pretty good yourself.” She walked over to him and reached her hands up to smooth his shirt over his shoulders. The action felt so comfortable, so instinctively affectionate, it was all he could do not to lean forward and kiss her. Instead he forced himself to take a step back.
“Thanks. So, ah, we should go I guess.”
She smiled, but it was a nervous smile. “Yeah. Don’t want to be late for our wedding now do we?”
