Toby insists on sitting between the two of us while we watch a movie with dinner, and I can’t say I mind that at all. Sam’s arm is stretched along the back of the couch and his fingers are playing with my hair. When I feel a small weight leaning against me and look down to see Toby cuddled into my side, a part of my heart that I didn’t know existed kicks in. This feels good, like,happy familygood.
When the movie ends, Toby’s asleep with his head falling into my lap. Sam looks at me with unbridled lust in his eyes, then stands slowly. He scoops Toby into his arms and walks down the hall to Toby’s room. I can hear his low voice soothing Toby, who must have woken up slightly. I need to move, so I stand up and clear away the dishes and pizza box, then busy myself tidying up his already neat kitchen. I know what I want to happen tonight, but at the same time I feel weird about our first time being when Toby is around — even if he is asleep. How do single parents manage to have a sex life, anyway?
Strong arms wrap around my waist, startling me. Then warm lips descend on my neck as hands brush my hair over one shoulder.
“Do you have any idea how fucking awesome it is to watch you with my son?” Sam says gruffly.
I turn in his arms and the look I see in Sam’s eyes shocks me. That’s not just lust. That’s something much more powerful and it scares me. Sam obviously doesn’t notice my discomfort, so I work to push it aside and just enjoy the moment. Even still, it takes me a second to realize he’s still talking.
“…so right having you here with us. And now I’ve finally got you to myself.” Suddenly his hands are under my ass and he’s lifting me up onto the kitchen counter.
I gasp at his firm touch pushing my legs apart so he can stand between them, pulling us close. My hands automatically go to the bottom of his shirt and I pull it up and over his head, then let out a moan. I’ve felt his body through his shirt, but seeing it revealed is something else. He’s pure muscle, but lean — not beefy. There’s a tattoo on his ribs and I realize it says ‘Toby’ in a beautiful script. My fingertips trace the outline of it as my thoughts spiral in every direction except the one Sam obviously wants tonight to go.
“Sam…” I start, then stop, completely uncertain how to put words to the turmoil I’m experiencing. He lifts his head from my neck and when he looks at me, I see the moment he registers my uncertainty.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I answer quickly, then bite my lip before I continue. “Actually, that’s not true. The truth is, I don’t know what’s wrong, maybe nothing, maybe something.” A frown flits across his face and I quickly lift my hands up to cup his face reassuringly. “It’s all me, not you, Sam. You, Toby, what’s between us feels so good. So, so, so good. And it’s unexpected, I guess.”
He nods, his hands rubbing the top of my legs soothingly, gesturing for me to keep going.
“I came back here for a break after my job in Germany and it was meant to be just that — a break. I figured I’d be back out there, shooting in the wild before long. But you’re making me want different things. And that’s…I don’t know, overwhelming.”
Sam doesn’t say anything and I worry that maybe I’ve screwed this up before it even truly began. When he does speak, it’s not the question I expected.
“What happened in Germany?”
I let out a sound of surprise, because I’m startled to realize he doesn’t know. I suddenly remember that, even though I feel as if Sam has been in my life for so long and we know everything about each other, our situation couldn’t be farther from the truth. He has no idea what my life was like off the island and he has no clue about what sent me running home.
I push him away and hop down off the counter, handing him his shirt. Opening his fridge, I pull out two beers and hand him one before I walk over to the couch.
“This is going to require alcohol.”
He sits down beside me, but instead of taking a drink himself, he just watches me take a long pull from the bottle, then pulls me into his side so I’m cuddled against him, just like Toby was with me during the movie.
“Tell me, Kayla.” His voice is soft and comforting, but there’s a steel behind his words. He’s not moving until he knows everything.
So I tell him everything. I tell him about Germany, the cave-in, and my fear of being trapped. I tell him about my therapist and how he was the one to suggest I come home for a while. I tell him that I worry about my sisters hovering over me and pushing me to move back to the island, and I tell him about my career. How important it is to me, how it fills my soul, and ignites a passion inside of me that I’ve never found with anything else. What I don’t tell him is that being with him and Toby stirs a different kind of passion.
When I finish, Sam is silent. His arm that’s wrapped around me has tightened noticeably, gradually pulling me closer and closer to his body as my story unfolded. But now his grip loosens and his hand begins to move rhythmically up and down my arm. The movement is comforting in a simple way. And I appreciate the fact that he’s not freaking out or pushing me away. He’s calm and steady, and it’s in this moment that I realize I need something — or someone — calm and steady right now. That’s why Doctor Dave recommended I come home, to find something that grounds me. I guess I just never thought of the possibility that it would be a person.
“Kayla.”
His voice is low, somewhere between a whisper and a rumble. It’s filled with emotion; desire mixed with pain. I wait for him to say something more than my name, but he doesn’t. At least, not with words.
Suddenly he’s on the floor, kneeling between my legs. He’s tall enough that our faces are almost at the same level, so it’s easy for him to gently hold my face with his hands and pull me forward slightly so he can kiss me.
9
Sam
Kayla’s confession ripped me apart and her strength is slowly putting me back together. But she doesn’t seem to see her own strength, which kills me all over again. I want to wrap her in my arms and make her forget the memories that I forced her to dredge up. Fuck, she’s been through so much these last few months and I just made her relive it all. The only positive to this is that I now understand. I get why she might hesitate, why she might struggle with the intensity and speed with which things between us are growing. But if Kayla wants a home base, then that’s what I want to be for her. Toby and I can be the anchor that keeps her safe when she’s out exploring the world. I want that more than I want anything else right now.
I stand up, bringing her with me and lifting her straight into my arms. When her strong legs wrap around my waist, I groan into our kiss. I can feel her lips curve up in a smile and she wiggles her hips slightly. I turn around and sit on the couch with her in my lap. She stills, and I know she can feel my cock pressing into her. Part of me wants to push things further, to strip her naked and lose myself inside her body. But that’s not the plan.
Instead, I bring my hands up to cover hers, drawing her fingers to my lips so I can kiss them.
“I won’t say I understand how you must be feeling right now, because I don’t, and I can’t. I’ll just say this — you’re in control, Kayla. Take from me what you need and what you want. I’ll be here, waiting for you to figure out what is best for you. I hope that Toby and I are a part of that, but if all you need is right now, then that’s okay, too.”
