When they reach me, all three of them drop their loads to the ground and fold me in to a group hug. “Everything is a mess, you guys,” I say, my words muffled by Serena’s shoulder.
“That’s okay. If we can fix this place up, we can fix whatever happened,” Summer says as we pull apart. We spend the next few minutes getting settled and making up a giant pitcher of sangria. Summer drags out one of the propane firepits, a necessity during the dry summers and a nice convenience when you don’t have the energy to build a real fire. Once we’re all settled with drinks in hand around the flickering flames, I know it’s time to come clean.
“Okay. Before I tell you how it all went wrong, I need each of you to promise me you won’t be mad.” I look at each of them in turn, and they all nod. “When Jackson and I first started dating,” I say with air quotes around the d-word, “It was all fake. He needed to show Doctor Morton that he was serious and committed to the town for more than just his job, and I wanted to get all of you to back off from giving me a hard time about being such a workaholic. We figured a quick and easy fake relationship for a few months would do the trick.”
I pause partly to take a long drink of sangria, and partly to give them all a chance to process that. Serena’s the first one to react.
“I don’t buy it. I saw you guys at the bar that night, before you even said you were dating, and there was no way you were faking that insane chemistry. He orbited around you like you were the freaking sun.”
Summer’s voice is laced with disappointment. “So all of those dinners with Ethan and I were what? Fake?”
I nod slowly, hating that I’ve clearly hurt my closest friends. “At first. And guys, look, I’m sorry. I hated lying to you, but I was so sick of hearing the comments about how much I work, and how I needed to have more fun.”
“You could have just told us how you felt.” Paige’s quiet voice confirms that she’s also upset by what I’ve revealed. I turn to her, hoping I can appeal to her logical side and then get the others to forgive me.
“I know I could have, and I should have. But it wasn’t just about me. Jackson needed it to stay secret as well. The only reason Riley knew is because she overheard us talking one morning at the bakery.”
“Wait, Riley knew?” Serena interrupts.
“Yeah, but not on purpose. Like I said, she heard us one morning and questioned me about it. I’m really sorry, I never wanted to hurt you.”
It’s not lost on me that here I am, asking for forgiveness from my best friends the same way Jackson tried to ask for my forgiveness yesterday. Hopefully, these girls are more willing to give it to me than I was to him.
After several tense, silent moments, Summer is the one to finally speak.
“I don’t like it, but I get it. And at the end of the day, we love you, even when you do stupid things like keep secrets from us. And I’m sorry we ever made you feel uncomfortable about how you choose to live your life. That’s not fair.”
“I concur. Thank you, Summer, for saying it so well. Mila, you are absolutely forgiven, and I, too, apologize for anything I may have said that contributed to this decision.”
“Thanks Paige,” I say, smiling at her.
“I don’t buy it. Let’s go back to your at first comment.” Serena’s foot is bouncing against her leg, and she’s still got a wary look in her eyes. I knew she would be the hardest to win over.
“So, we started as friends, fake dating. Then we…hooked up.”
“Ah ha! I knew there was chemistry!” Serena pumps her arm in the air, then looks back at me. “But there’s more, isn’t there?”
“Yeah, lots more. We did the whole friends with benefits-slash-fake dating thing for a while, but Jackson was worried it would get messy, so we stopped having sex. In retrospect, it was smart, because we both were starting to develop real feelings.”
“Why would that be a bad thing?” Summer asks and I shrug.
“Because neither one of us wanted an actual relationship. He was hurt, badly, by his ex-fiancée, and I didn’t think I had the time, or that I would ever find a guy who could appreciate how committed I am to the bakery and the café.” I take another long sip of sangria, as my thoughts flit over all the ways Jackson is so right for me. “But he did. He got it. He’s committed to his career, and we want the same things in life, short term and long term. So eventually we decided to try being together for real.”
“Okay, that actually sounds kinda romantic. Ooh, we should read a fake dating book next month.”
I fix Summer with a look. “You might want to hear the rest first.”
Summer’s eyes widen, and she takes a sip of sangria. I do the same, and then another. This is the part that hurts.
“What I have to tell you is not exactly my news to share, so please keep it quiet. But you need to understand the whole story. You know that Riley and Dean are trying to get pregnant.” They all nod. “Well, two days ago she asked me to pick up a box of tests for her. Her car was in the shop, and she wanted to surprise Dean if it was positive, so she didn’t want to ask him to pick the tests up. Of course, I was happy to, and didn’t think twice. But Jackson saw me buying them.”
I close my eyes at the pain that comes from remembering how angry he was when he accused me of trying to trick him like his ex did. I know that anger was masking a deeper pain, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
“Why would that matter?” Paige asks, her voice quiet but curious.
“Because his ex lied to him their entire relationship, saying she didn’t want kids either. But the truth was, she figured she could either force him to have kids or convince him to change his mind. And when she realized that wasn’t going to happen, she cheated on him and got pregnant with another man’s baby. While they were still technically engaged.”
Three simultaneous gasps of shock rise up around me. But I ignore them and push on through.
