“I guess it just hit me that when we end this thing, everything changes.”
“In what way?”
I grip the tea mug tightly, letting the heat from it get borderline painful before I release my hold. “I know we said we could walk away and make sure everyone knew it was amicable and easy. But the reality is, you’re in town for the near future. Which means you’ll be with your family. Which means I probably shouldnotbe with your family. Except, for most of my life, your parents and siblings have been my safe place. I’ve spent more time with them than my own family, especially since I moved out of my parents’ house. But it would be weird if I kept hanging out with all of you after we’ve supposedly broken up. And my brain is spiraling with the idea of not being around you or your family anymore.”
The quiet that follows my verbal vomit makes me want to stand up and run. Then Jude takes my hand in his and starts tracing a circle on my palm.
“What — what are you doing?” I stutter. There’s no need for him to hold my hand right now. No one’s here. No one’s watching.
“It’s a grounding technique I learned years ago. The sensation of a rhythmic motion can help you slow your mind if you focus on it and breathe.”
He does it for a few more seconds, then stops, lifting his eyes to meet mine. “Now. Listen. What you have with my family is important. I know that now, having met your shitty relatives, more than ever. Which is why I promise I’ll do everything possible to make sure nothing is awkward and weird, and you never lose that connection. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, sunshine.”
It’s the second time tonight he’s called me by that nickname. And the first time — in my entire life — that a man has truly made me believe that he cares about me. Even if it is just as a friend.
“Thank you,” I say quietly. My head does, in fact, feel calmer, and I’m not spinning quite as badly with worry about how things will change after this is all over. I stand up, abandoning the tea with a small pang of guilt, but I need to go before I fall any deeper. “I think I should get home.”
Jude follows me to the door. “Text me when you get home.” He’s leaning against the door frame, close enough for me to see his chest rise and fall.
I nod. And for a long second, we just stand there, staring at each other. The intimacy of our conversation hums around us, as if it’s a sentient energy in the air. On impulse, I place my hand on his shoulder and lift up on my toes to kiss his cheek. My lips linger there a beat longer than they should before I lower back down.
“Thank you for tonight, I’ll see you tomo—”
Jude’s lips cover mine before I can even finish talking. He swallows my gasp as his large hands grip my hips, pulling me in close. My hands are trapped between our bodies, but I manage to get a grip on his shirt.
Our tongues start to tangle, fighting for dominance. I’m used to being the more forward one in any intimate encounter, but something tells me Jude is not exactly submissive. His hands travel to my ass, squeezing until I want to climb him like a tree.
In fact, I probably would if it weren’t for his injury. No sooner does that thought cross my mind does Jude grunt, this time in pain, not pleasure.
“Fuck. Sorry. My knee.” He’s breathing heavily and leans his forehead down to meet mine.
“I should go, anyway.” I’m equally breathless. Neither one of us makes any move to separate. Until I feel him shift his stance. I let go of his shirt, smoothing my hands over the wrinkles caused by my death grip. Taking a step back and a deep breath in and out, I tilt my head up to smile at him. “Goodnight, Jude.”
He takes my hands, wrapping them up in his much larger ones. Then, to my surprise, he lifts them to his mouth and kisses them lightly. “Goodnight, Lily.”
When I get home, I no longer feel the need to go for a long walk. My mind is quiet. Calm. Content.
Happy.
Chapter nineteen
Jude
“How much longer until I can drive?” I try to not let the question sound too whiny, but it’s hard. I’m so goddamn tired of having to rely on people to take me everywhere. I miss my independence.
Lily just smirks, keeping her eyes on the road ahead of us. “Like I said at your appointment, maybe another week or two. I need to see you have a lot more control and less pain spasms before I sign off on it.”
“Hard-ass,” I grumble, but it’s good-natured. I trust Lily, professionally and personally.
Lily flashes me a cheeky smile. I want to kiss her. But I always seem to want to kiss her, as the other night at my apartment proved. We shared something that night, and when she was going to leave, I needed to taste her lips again.
She brings a lightness everywhere she goes that I’m becoming addicted to.
Her hand lands on my thigh, where she pats my leg in a teasing gesture. “You’re welcome.”
A short while later, we pull up at our destination — the university campus down in Victoria where Kat is graduating with a master’s degree in nursing. I’m so insanely proud of my baby sister. And I have to grudgingly admit, I wouldn’t be here today to watch her walk across that stage if I was still playing hockey.
It’s a thin silver lining, but it is one.
