Events that have happened or will happen, that I’ll actually have a chance of attending if I’m not tied to the NHL schedule. The chance to get to know my siblings’ loved ones. To reconnect with my cousin and his family. The chance to build a team from the ground up and to watch that team succeed.
And Lily.
She’s in every moment, every vision. Because I want her there. I want her with me, for real. No more pretending when my feelings are very fucking real.
But are hers? Is it even possible for her to have true feelings for me when the only thing women ever wanted from me is no longer available?
Logically, I know Lily doesn’t care if I’m a player or not. But old wounds still fester. And if I stay stuck, with no direction or plan for my future, then what right do I have to even consider asking Lily to try a relationship for real.
It might be foolish to hinge my actions and choices on a woman. A chance at a woman, at best.
But if anyone’s worth fighting for, it’s Lily.
“Don’t suppose you know a good real estate agent in Dogwood Cove?”
Dad’s answering smile is all the evidence I need that this is exactly what I should be doing.
Chapter twenty-two
Lily
“Breathe deeply into your belly and exhale slowly. Feel the calm.”
I try to do as Summer instructs, breathing and filling myself with calm. But I fail.Because I’d rather be full of something else…
Yoga class is normally my happy place. I love connecting with my body, feeling the strength and flexibility I’ve worked hard to achieve. I can either push myself, build up a sweat, or I can take it slow and use the poses and breathing techniques to relax and de-stress.
But lately, I’ve been a little…distracted, shall we say.
I can’t stop thinking about Jude. Naked Jude, fully clothed Jude, grumpy Jude, smiling Jude, growly protective Jude, sweet and romantic Jude. All Jude, all the time.
He’s consumed every inch of my body and every thought in my head.
And as I fall out of my dancing warrior pose for the third time, I guess my frustrated exhale is a little too loud. Serena turns to me from her mat.
“Everything okay?”
I nod, averting my eyes. She owns the studio where the class is being held, and she’s engaged to Jude’s cousin. She’s the last person I want knowing I’m too preoccupied with thoughts of Jude to focus.
Then again, Serena’s like me — completely open and free about sex, not shy in the slightest. Kat and I even went to a sex toy party she hosted a few months back. So, maybe out of anyone, she’d understand my obsession with the man who’s giving me more orgasms than I thought possible.
Summer’s serene voice is still leading the rest of the class through a flow, but I call it quits. Quietly rolling up my mat, I flash an apologetic smile to Serena before sneaking out the door. Guess it’s a good thing I was late today and had to find a spot near the back.
Once I’m in my car, my head falls against my steering wheel with a thunk. “Get. It. Together. Chapman,” I say in time with knocking my head against the wheel over and over. A sharp rap on my window makes me shriek and sit upright, mortified that someone caught my mini meltdown.
That mortification grows into dread when I see my mother’s disapproving frown. With her hair pulled back in a severe bun, the crow’s feet around her eyes, and the boring grey pant suit she’s wearing, she looks like she belongs in a boardroom, not standing outside a dance studio.
When it comes to my mother, she might as well be a Borg fromStar Trek.Resistance is futile.It’s no good harnessing my inner calm, because as the yoga class I just abandoned proved, I have none right now. Instead, I simply open the door and climb out.
Her eyes rake over me and I know she’s not pleased.
Is it my lime green yoga shorts? Or the tank top with a cat wearing sunglasses. Maybe it’s my hair, I’m pretty sure the purple is showing. Or maybe it’s my car. Let’s be real, it’s all of the above. And I brace myself for the attack. It’ll be sneaky, full of passive-aggressive barbs couched in “good” intentions, but it’s coming.
Then she speaks and it’s so much worse than I could have ever expected.
“How long were you planning on avoiding me, Lilian? I’ve tried to contact you several times since your cousin’s wedding to speak to you about your conduct.”
Oh boy. Here we go.
