“I also saw you look at her like you’d seen a ghost, despite her acting as if you’d never met. So don’t tell me nothing’s goin’ on.”
This time my glare has the intended affect, as Sloan lifts his hands and steps back. “Listen, I’m not trying to cause shit or make you pissed. But do you remember what you told me when I first started?”
“Probably the same thing I tell everyone,” I grumble.
“Probably,” he agrees. “You said to never let anything take my focus away from the job. You said from the second I walk through the doors of the station to start my shift to the second I leave at the end, my attention had to be here, on my crew and the job, and nowhere else. You saidno distractions.”
I clench my fists. “Yeah?”
“You sure as shit looked distracted while Tori and her kid were here.”
Fuck.
“But,” he continues as if he hasn’t just made my stomach drop. “The second she left and we got that medical call, you were back to business. Until Castro’s dumbass remark just now, I’d almost forgotten they even visited, or that you were a lovestruck idiot with hearts in your eyes.”
“I did not have hearts in my eyes,” I protest, tossing a dirty shirt at him. He catches it easily and throws it right back.
“Are you forgetting I majored in psych at university? Dude, there’s a way a man looks at a woman when he’s seen her naked…and wants to see her naked again. That’s how you looked at her.”
“You’re seeing things.”
Like the truth. Damn it.
Sloan just shrugs. “Whatever you want to tell yourself, man. I’m just gonna say this before I get out of here. She seems cool, you seemed happy to see her and the kid, and it didn’t affect your ability to do the job.”
He saunters to the door of the bunk room without a backward glance.
“Your nickname is gonna be ‘Shrink’ when you’re no longer a probie,” I yell after him, earning a middle finger salute.
Is my usual running route one that goes past Dogwood Cove Elementary just before the bell rings to start the school day?
No.
Did I actually take the time to style my hair and pick out a decent running outfit today instead of grabbing a DCFD ball cap and whatever clothes I grab first?
Maybe.
Am I intentionally slowing down, my eyes searching for a particular head of blonde hair, as I jog along the sidewalk opposite the school?
Yeah.
When I woke up this morning, my first day off since the weekend, she was the first thing I thought of. Which should probably be a red flag, but I’m pretending to be colour blind, I guess.
Sloan’s words haven’t left me all week. His observation of my behaviour when Tori and Cooper were visiting — that I was oblivious to anything else — shook me more than I wanted to admit. But as he said, once they left, I was back to normal. I didn’t think of Tori for the rest of my shifts.
Which only reinforces one thing in my mind. Me and Tori will only ever be friends who fuck. That’s all. No feelings, no commitment or responsibility to each other. If I can compartmentalize fucking random women, and I can compartmentalize my friends, there’s no reason I can’t compartmentalize fucking the same woman who happens to be a friend.
I run past the school without sighting Tori or Cooper. Which is probably for the best. Shaking my head, I turn down the street that will take me to the gravel path that runs along the beach. It’s gonna be a long run today; I need to clear my fucking head of the hot blonde who’s making me rethink all my rules.
No, that’s not right. I’m not rethinking them. I’m…bending them? I just need to reinforce thefriendspart of what Tori and I are doing.
When I eventually get home, I take a quick shower before texting my mom. She’s watching my cousin’s kid this weekend while Leo takes his wife Serena away for a baby-making getaway. That’s not what they’re calling it, of course, but we’re not dumb. The entire family knows they plan on spending the weekend fucking as much as possible. I promised Violet, their daughter, that I’d hang out with her at some point, partly to give my mom a break but also just because she’s a cool kid.
Which gives me an idea. A way to focus on the friends side of things with Tori, plus help Cooper meet some kids in town. Sure, Vi’s a little younger than him, but not by much, so it should be fun. Once I’ve got stuff confirmed with Mom, I open another message window.
SAWYER: Hey angel. What are you and Coopzilla up to this weekend?
TORI: No plans yet, except he’s got a playdate with a kid from school tomorrow. Why?
