“Sure,” I say casually, turning around to face my locker, giving her my back as I speak. “I gotta go find Peyton and my mom anyway.”
I wait a beat to see if she’ll reply, but she doesn’t. When I glance back over my shoulder, she’s gone. And I feel her absence like an ache in my goddamn chest.
I dress quickly, and when I leave the locker room, Mom is standing in the hallway, a sleepy Peyton in her arms. I take my little girl and we start to walk toward the door that leads to the section of parking reserved for players and their families.
“Hey, Rocket,” I say softly when Peyton lifts her head. “Did you have a good night?”
“Mm-hmm,” is her quiet mumble of a reply. “I ate a hotdog.”
My chest vibrates with my chuckle. “Did you see me waving?”
“Yup.”
A wide yawn overtakes her little face as her arms tighten around my neck. We reach my SUV, Mom opens the back door, and I swiftly buckle Peyton in before grabbing the blanket and stuffed duck that lay beside her car seat, tucking them around her. I kiss her forehead, then gently close her door.
“You were wonderful tonight, honey,” Mom says, and I finally pull her in for a grateful hug. She never missed a game when I was a kid, always my loudest cheerleader.
“Thanks,” I reply gruffly, suddenly choked with emotion. It’s been the two of us for so long, with Dad leaving when I was a teenager. She’s the one person I’ve always been able to count on. Forever on my side, reminding me I can do it, even when it feels impossible. Whether it was playing ball, or raising a daughter on my own, Mom is my inspiration and my motivation. If I’m half the parent she is, I’ll be happy.
But her prioritizing me and my demanding sports schedule is what broke up their marriage. By choosing to support me once it became apparent my talent on the field could actually amount to a career, Mom doomed her marriage to fail.
At least, that’s what I overheard Dad say the night he left. He didn’t understand why my future was more important to her than he was.
I resented him for so long. Filled with anger at the man who should have been there with Mom, who should have been playing catch with me in the backyard and taking me to buy a new glove when I outgrew mine. But time, and life, gave me a different perspective.
Mom made a choice. She chose me. And as I look in the rearview mirror at Peyton slumbering peacefully in the backseat, I know without a doubt that I would make the same damn choice every time.
I will always choose my daughter over a woman who can’t understand and accept the pressures of my life, even if it means I’m alone forever.
But knowing that to be true, deep down in my soul, it still doesn’t shut up the little voice in the back of my head that keeps whispering one thing.
Willow would understand…
Chapter twenty
Willow
Bringing the team to the Vancouver Children’s Hospital to visit with the kids is always a highlight event. Seeing the faces of all those children absolutely light up when the players and our mascot come walking into the room is the most soul-filling thing ever. We always plan one for right after the season begins, so the players are full of energy and excitement.
And the guys love it. It might be surprising to some, but baseball players really are just overgrown kids, playing their favourite backyard game from childhood on a much bigger scale. Which makes them the perfect candidates to get down on the floor and play with actual children.
Today is no exception. Kai, Monty, Darling, Ronan, and a few others are scattered throughout the giant, colourful playroom, the one we take over for this event each year, with a group of kids clustered around them. The energy is high, with lots of laughter in the air, and more than a few parents stand on the outskirts with happy tears in their eyes.
“Another successful day?” I turn to face Sadie LeDuc, the head of fundraising for the hospital’s foundation. We connected a couple of years ago when she approached the Tridents for silent auction donations, and now she makes a point of stopping by any time the team visits. We’ve gone for drinks a few times, and even though she’s a lot quieter and more conservative than I am, I like her.
“You know it,” I reply, my gaze roaming over the room. Sadie shifts next to me, her gold-rimmed glasses falling down her nose slightly. Her red hair is pulled back tightly in a bun, and her black turtleneck sweater is tucked into high-waisted pants that look like she actually ironed the crease into the front of them.
“Want to grab a drink tonight?” I ask. I’d planned on inviting Lark out as well, since I’m craving some girl time. And with Tori not living locally anymore, I’m trying to do better at strengthening the other friendships I have in the city.
Sadie nods and gives me a quick smile. “That would be lovely, I’ll check that Dirk and I don’t have any plans. Can I text you?”
God, that boyfriend of hers. The couple of times I’ve met him, I’ve instantly wanted to shower afterward. He’s just one of those guys that is equal parts smarmy and stick-in-the-mud. For all that Sadie’s got this whole good girl thing going on, she deserves better than a boring, buttoned-up guy like him.
Then again, who am I to comment or make judgments on other people’s relationships when I’m busy spending all of my time avoiding the only man to ever make me want something more.
“Sounds good.” I touch her hand briefly. “I better get back to work. We’ll catch up tonight.”
After Sadie leaves, I make my rounds with the parents, making sure we have media releases signed where necessary, ensuring they know they can step out and get some refreshments from the table we have set up next door, and they’ve got their swag packs that include open-ended ticket offers for the current season. Other than those tasks, I get to spend my time chatting with anyone who seems like they could use some adult conversation that doesn’t revolve around their child’s hospitalization.
