It was the same exquisite torture as when I woke up in bed with her after the wedding, only this time she had no fucking idea I was there.
I’m a goddamn asshole. She was mostly asleep when I laid her in bed and she didn’t know what she was doing, grabbing my hand and murmuringstayin that sleepy, sexy voice of hers. I had no fucking business climbing in behind her and letting my arm drape over her body. It doesn’t matter that she wouldn’t let go of my hand, or that even asleep, she shifted backward until her ass was tucked up into my pelvis, making things instantly hard under my pants.
Fucking hell. I should’ve waited until she was fully asleep and then left. No, I should’ve let go of her hand in the first place andnever laid down. Because the second my body came into contact with hers, it was like a shot of calm straight into my veins. Everything from the day melted away, the bolt of desire I felt seeing her lace bra in the bathroom, the panic when she cut herself, the overwhelming sense of rightness when I bandaged her up. All the mixed-up feelings I’ve no business having disappeared, and I wanted to stay wrapped around her forever.
It’s why I snuck out in the early morning hours, long before anyone else would reasonably be up, and came to the stadium. Thank fuck we’ve all got twenty-four-hour access. I took a plunge in one of the ice baths that are always ready, then hit the gym. I know I pushed my luck carrying Sadie last night, and fuck if my shoulder isn’t mad at me today. But even if it sets me back, I can’t bring myself to say I regret it. Feeling her sweet, sleepy surrender into my arms was heaven. She trusts me to protect her, to take care of her. And that’s the most heady feeling in the goddamn world.
The swish of the gym doors opening reaches me, and I know my solitude is over. Damn, guess I’ve been here longer than I realized. Punching the buttons on the treadmill, I slow my pace down to a fast walk and start cooling down, returning my heartrate to normal.
“Hey Mav, you’re here early.”
Glancing to my side, I see Rhett, or Darling as we call him, stepping onto the machine next to me. He’s a solid player in the outfield, with an accuracy to his throws that’s impressive, even here in the major leagues.
I give him a grunt of acknowledgment. The guys know I don’t talk a lot, so there’s no expectation for more. Excepta part of me wants more. I can’t explain it, but part of me is sick and tired of holding everyone at arm’s length. I see the other guys and their friendships, the camaraderie going deeper than just teammates, the way it is with me. I’ve never had that kind of connection with anyone except Colin.
And I can’t help but wonder what I’m missing.
Clearing my throat, I slow down my pace even more. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d come in and get an early start.”
Darling’s head whips over to me, shock registering on his face. I get it, that’s probably the first time I’ve just engaged in casual conversation with him, despite our playing together for years. When I talk to the guys, it’s always about baseball. Never anything personal.
“Are they gonna let you play in a game soon?”
“Fuck, I hope so.” My words come out sharper than I intended. “Sorry. Just, y’know.”
“Yeah, man. I get it. Being on the IL as long as you have must have been tough.” Darling glances over at me before increasing to a run. “We’ve missed you on the field.”
Six words. Six fucking words, and that unfamiliar part of me that suddenly wants more of a relationship with these guys that I spend so much of my time with over half of the year cracks wide open.
“Thanks,” I reply gruffly, punching the stop button on the machine. I don’t know how to respond. I want to, but I don’t know how. And that makes me feel like a fucking dumbass with the emotional intelligence of an ant.
“See you soon,” Darling calls out as I walk away.
“Yeah.”
There I go with those fucking one-word answers again. If I’m gonna try this whole connecting with people thing, maybe I needHow to Have a Conversation for Dummiesor something. Jesus.
The building is busier now as players and staff arrive for the day. I’m due in to see Lark for a PT session, then if all goes well, I’m headed out to the field for practice in a couple of hours.
“Hey, Mav.” Lark’s bright voice reaches me as soon as I enter the therapy area. The short blonde is bouncing up to me with way too much peppy energy to handle right now. “I saw you on the treadmill when I arrived. Did you already go through a set of weights?”
“Yeah. And an ice bath.”
She nods and leads me into her treatment room. “Okay, well, let’s check your range and see how things are going. What did you do for upper body?”
We go through the stretching program, testing my range of motion and strength in my injured side. I can’t tell from her expression if Lark is pleased with my progress or not, leaving me hoping like hell I haven’t set myself back between last night and this morning.
Exercise is the best way to chase away my demons, but between carrying Sadie to bed, and pushing it in the gym, I’m now realizing I could have fucked everything up. But just as my panic is starting to climb, Lark steps back with a beaming smile.
“This is incredible, Mav. You’re healing really well. Like, better than expected. Your range is almost back to normal, and I think you’re good to increase the load on that arm. Still not quite game-play level, but definitely back to daily practice andwarm-ups with the team. If things keep going this well, my guess is you’ll be back to full capacity in the next couple of weeks.”
I exhale a loud curse. “Thank fuck.”
Lark just laughs. “I know it hasn’t been easy being off for so long, but really, you’re lucky your injuries weren’t more serious.”
The unspoken message is received. I got lucky this time, in a lot of ways. The accident could have injured me worse than it did, and not only that, it could have hurt someone else. I know I can’t let myself get in a situation like that again.
Which means Colin’s right, the fucker. I have to talk to Eli. And make it clear I won’t be roped into his bullshit any longer.
