You’re just like bacon. You make everything better.
— Love DM
Being normal is overrated. I’d rather be crazy over you.
— Love DM
I’ve fallen for you and I don’t want to get up.
— Love DM
The collection of sticky notes, each with a silly, sweet message from Dan, grows each day as I discover them around my apartment. I don’t know when he found the time to hide them, but each one has made me smile, despite still feeling unwell.
We’ve talked every day since he left on Sunday, and so far, it sounds like spring training is going well. He and Kai are in a good rhythm, and Dan sounds excited about what’s to come.
I wish I was there.
Hopefully today, my doctor can explain why I’ve feltso run-down and nauseous all the time. In the back of my mind, one explanation keeps popping up, but I don’t — can’t — let myself dwell on that possibility.
When my phone rings, I reach for it, eager for the distraction. Anything to fill the next hour before I leave for my appointment. But that eagerness fades when I see who it is.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Lark, are you coming for dinner this weekend?”
No hi? How are you? I miss you?Nah, of course not.That would imply caring and emotions my parents just don’t seem to have.
I swallow against a wave of nausea and lean against my kitchen counter. “I’m not sure. I was meant to be in Arizona already, but I needed to stay back for a doctor’s appointment.”
There’s a pause before she speaks, and to my shock, she actually sounds mildly concerned. “Is everything alright?”
My mind battles with my heart. A small part of me wants to tell her, about Dan, about feeling sick, and about the scary possibility the doctor is going to tell me something life-changing. But I don’t have that sort of relationship with her, and quite honestly, I don’t trust that she’ll respond with compassion.
“Just need to get some stuff checked out,” I say lightly, pushing off from the counter. “Actually, I need to get going soon. I’ll let you know if I’m in town for dinner. Was there anything else?”
Another pause, this one longer than the last. “No, I suppose not. I hope your appointment goes well.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, feeling kind of uncomfortable with this ever so slightly softer side of my mother. “I’lltalk to you soon.”
“Goodbye, Lark.”
We hang up and I stare at my phone for a second, processing what just happened. She actually showed some sort of something emotional toward me. Unexpected, yes, and somewhat touching.
Shaking my head, I move into my bathroom to finish getting ready. When I pull open a drawer to take out a hair elastic, I find another sticky note.
There’s nothing better than waking up with you in my arms.
— Love DM
I love that he’s made it so he’s here with me, even when he’s so far away. I go to pick up my phone and text him when another wave of nausea hits, this one stronger. Thank God, I’m already in the bathroom because I’m bent over the toilet retching seconds later.
When it finally subsides, I’m panting on the bathroom floor, feeling even more miserable. This is awful, whatever it is.
I drag myself up, brush my teeth, and braid my hair. Time to get some answers. Grabbing my water bottle, keys, purse, and a package of crackers, I lock up and head to my car.
At the doctor’s office, they sign me in, then a nurse takes me to the back and hands me a small cup.
“We’re going to get a quick urine sample and then Dr. Rhodes will be in soon.” She gives me a reassuring smile, but as I stare at that plastic container, I feel anything but reassured.
