“Talk to me, please,” I say again, trying to make my voice firm and not sound as shaky as I feel. “I know there’s something going on, Birdie. And I gotta be real with you, it’s freaking me the fuck out. I can’t stop worrying about you, about us.” I suck in a breath. Now’s the time to get fully vulnerable. “It’s messing with me. I fucked up the signals the other day, let way too many balls past me, and tripped over my own goddamn feet trying to get to one. Whatever it is, I can handle it. What I can’t handle is not knowing if you’re okay. If we’re okay.”
The last three words are said in a whisper. The deepest, darkest fears of my heart. That somehow, I’ve done something wrong. That it’s me, I’m not enough for her, she’s not happy, that I’m losing her.
When tears spill from her eyes, I reach up to wipe them away with my thumb, ignoring the wetness tracking down my own face.
“Birdie. Lark. Please, talk to me.”
I see her throat move in a swallow and her shoulders rise and fall in a long, slow breath. When she opens her mouth, I brace myself for the worst.
“I’m pregnant.”
What the actual fuck?
In all the scenarios that played out in my mind the last few days, a baby never factored into a single one.
Pregnant?
But even as I stare at her, the pieces fall into place. I swear, I’m not an idiot, but I sure as shit feel like one. She was exhausted, nauseous, and emotional.
I may not have ever had a girlfriend, but I went to sex-ed classin high school. I’ve been around guys with kids. I’ve watched movies and heard the stories. I know what the early signs of pregnancy can be.
Yet still, somehow, I never considered this.
At some point in my mental processing, Lark has managed to move off my lap without me noticing. Until I open my mouth and say probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said.
“How?”
She paces away from me, her arms wrapped around her stomach, and I hate that I’m not touching her. Especially when she chokes out a laugh.
“Well, you see, when a man and a woman —”
No. No fucking way. I stand up and close the distance between us in a second, gripping her gently by the shoulders.
“Lark. Give me a second, please. I’m handling this all wrong. I just…” Words fail me, and I know I’ve got to figure my shit out, and fast, or I’ll lose her. “Shit, Birdie, ababy?”
Another forced laugh.
I drop to my knees and place my hands on her stomach. “Hi, baby bird.” When I look up at her, she’s staring down at me, her mouth partly open and eyes filled with tears.
“Dan?” she whispers brokenly. And there’s so much weight to that one word, my name, phrased as a question.
“This is amazing,” I say quietly. “I don’t know the odds, but I’m guessing they were not exactly good. And yet somehow, we did this. We made a fucking baby.” I grin, even through my tears that are no longer based in fear but in pure, exquisite joy. “I’ve got super sperm.”
Lark snorts, then claps her hand over her mouth, muffling herlaugh. But it’s music to my ears. I lean in and kiss her stomach. Once, twice, then again just because I can’t stop marveling at it.
“We need to talk about this,” Lark says, her voice still a little shaky. With a decisive nod, I stand and take her hands.
“Yeah, we do.”
She lets me lead her back to the bed, but this time, instead of sitting down, I stretch out on my side and pull her down with me. As much as I want to be looking into her beautiful eyes right now, I need to feel like I’m protecting her from all the craziness she’s been dealing with alone for the last few days.
Wrapping my big spoon around her little spoon, my hand lands on her stomach, my fingers splayed out as wide as I can.
There’s a baby in there.My baby.
“I know this isn’t what you wanted,” Lark starts. “And it wasn’t exactly like this was in my plan, either. But I want to keep it. I know you need to focus on baseball, and that’s fine. I’ll be okay. Whatever you need to do. I don’t want you to think I expect anything from you, I just…I decided I’m keeping the baby.”
For the second time tonight, I’m stunned speechless. Only this time, it’s not a good feeling. I remove my hand, sliding away and scrubbing my hand over my face, trying to make sense of what she just said. But once again, my lack of experience with relationships fucks me over, and I instantly know pulling away was the wrong choice.
