“Wow. So it’s not just a right now thing. And you never told me. Why?” There’s a hint of hurt in her voice, but she covers it up well.
“Because you always said I should figure my life out before I let myself fall in love.” I swipe away another tear. “I didn’t listen and I fell in love with him. My life was not anywhere close to figured out, but I loved him so much. I couldn’t tell you that.”
“Oh Belles.” Mom wraps her arm around my shoulders, tugging me into her side. “I wouldn’t have been upset. Love is an amazing thing to find. I probably would have encouraged you to keep some focus on your own needs, but finding someone you want to spend your life with is never a bad thing.”
The fact that she’s already figured out exactly how important Kai was to me is proof of how well my mom knows me. She knows I wouldn’t claim to be in love with someone if it wasn’t a really big deal.
“Well, I screwed up, then.” Bitterness, much like my coffee, rises in my voice. “Because when I made the choice to stay in Italy to find myself, I lost him.”
She doesn’t answer right away, and I take the time to drink my coffee, even though it no longer warms me in a comforting way.
“Did you lose him, though?”
Silence falls again after her question, and I pick at the blanket covering my legs.
“Maybe not,” I say quietly. “He told me he never stopped loving me. And he wants another chance for us to be together.”
She nods slowly. “And how do you feel about him?”
This question is easy to answer. “I love him so much. I always have and I think I always will. He’s my safe place, Mom.”
“Then why the tears, sweetie?”
My head falls back again, hitting the headboard with a thunk. “I’m just really freaking overwhelmed. I had my head in the sand for so long, thinking I could avoid this. It was dumb, I knowthat now, because avoiding my feelings for Kai is like trying to hold back the ocean. But —” I pause and blow out a slow breath. “Choosing him means giving up my life in Italy, my family and my dreams of owning the restaurant with Vito someday. I can’t have that and have him.”
“Why not?” Mom nudges me with her shoulder. “You have family here, too, you know, or do I not count anymore?”
“Oh my God, of course you do.” I throw my free arm around her. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She chuckles into my shoulder. “It’s okay, Belles. I know. You’ve always wanted a big family. I remember you used to pretend all your stuffed animals were your siblings and cousins and have sleepovers.” She gives me a sad smile. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you, but I’m glad your father could.”
“But you’re my number one.” I sniff. “Don’t think I ever forgot that.”
“I know, sweetie. It’s okay to say that you would miss your family in Italy, though. It won’t hurt my feelings.”
I give her a watery smile, my fingers playing with the corner of the blanket draped over me. “Well, there’s also the whole job, career, future situation. Vito would be devastated if I don’t go back, and I’d have to start over in Vancouver.”
“Not necessarily, and you can cook delicious food anywhere,” Mom replies confidently. “Maybe talk to Gianni and Paul? They might have some ideas.”
I nod. “I’m meeting them at Piatti soon, I guess I could ask.”
She pats my leg. “Good. So that means you’re getting out of this bed? You really do need a shower.”
I push her hand away. “Gee, thanks. Can’t a girl wallow in overwhelming emotions without being harassed?”
“Nope. Not when she’s in love. Kai will be back with the team tomorrow. You want him to see you like this?”
I look down at the T-shirt and shorts I’ve worn for over twenty-four hours and cringe. “Good point.”
Climbing off the bed, Mom looks down at me. “I’m happy for you, Belles. I know it feels overwhelming, and you think you can’t have everything, but you can. I’m not just saying that as your mom, you know. You deserve to have everything you want. And if that happens to all be possible here? Well, I won’t lie. I’d be thrilled. I would get my girl back.”
I feel like a little girl again, needing my mom’s reassurance when I ask in a small voice, “You really think so?”
Mom bends down and kisses the top of my head. “I know so. You just have to be open to the possibility of everything working out the way it should. Let that man love you, and let yourself love him back, honey. You’d be surprised how everything else will be just fine.”
It’s easy to smile back at her, but it falls quickly. “Wait, is this going to make things weird with Tony? Me being with one of his players?”
Mom scoffs and waves her hand. “You let me handle Tony. It won’t be an issue, I promise.” She moves to the door, turning back and pointing at me. “Now, get in that shower.”
