He leaves the conference room before I can reply, leaving me staring at the papers and my laptop in front of me. Why do I feel like even though we made forward progress on our work tasks, I just set myself back several steps when it comes to keeping the lines firmly drawn between me and Luca?
When I get home, Charlie and Juniper are sitting on the couch, looking at something on Juni’s phone. Gus is curled up on Charlie’s lap, purring, as Juni keeps a safe distance from his claws. He’s been known to swipe a paw at someone even when he seems content with his kid.
“Hey,” I say, kicking off my shoes. “Are we feeding you or did you bring dinner?”
“Aunt Juni brought stuff to make burritos!” Charlie says, barely glancing up from the phone.
“Awesome. I’ll go shower, then we can eat.” I wait for a second, but don’t get a response from either of them. “Okay. What the heck are you looking at?”
The guilty looks they both give me as my best friendflips her phone over have me placing my hands on my hips and dialing up the mom stare.
“It’s nothing, Isla. Just a little research.” Juni’s lips are twitching like she wants to smile, and Charlie looks like he wants to burst out of his skin.
“Research for what?” I ask slowly.
“We’ll tell you, but only if you promise to listen all the way before you say anything,” Charlie says, hope and excitement bleeding from him.
I move to lean against the arm chair next to the couch, earning a glare from Gus, who seems offended I’m so close to the one human being he actually likes. “Okay, I promise.”
“’Member I’ve told you about Miles, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, the kid from school you’re hanging out with.”
Charlie goes on. “Well, he plays baseball and asked if I wanted to come to his practice to hang out. I texted Aunt Juni and she said she’d meet me at the field.”
I raise my eyebrows at my best friend who didn’t tell me about this change in their after-school plan, but since Charlie did the right thing letting her know, I can’t be too mad.
“Okay, so guess what?Rhett Darlingtonwas there.He used to play for the Tridents, Mom! Anyway, while we were there, he came up and asked if I wanted to try throwing the ball. He didn’t care about my arm, or that I couldn’t catch. And it was so fun, Mom. I even got to try pitching! I wasn’t very good, but I did it.” Charlie bites his lip, and I do my best not to react to what I know is coming next.
“I think I wanna look at getting a prosthesis. So I can maybe play. Or at least do more stuff, y’know?”
My gaze flies over to Juni, and the reassuring nod she gives me helps me center my thoughts. We’ve tried prosthetic arms before, and Charlie hated them. Said he would rather have no arm than a robot arm—his words, not mine. But I’ve often wondered if he feels like he’s missing out on things that require two arms. And if he’d ever want to try again. I’d never push him. Ever. It’s his choice, and I’ll support him the best I can.
Finding the money for specialized prosthesis right now, when we’ve recently moved and I’ve just started a new job, and a temporary one that doesn’t have extended health benefits, is daunting. Without a doubt, the basic one that would be covered by our regular government benefits won’t be good enough for Charlie to play baseball.
“You remember it’s not a quick process, right?” I start gently. “We’ll have lots of doctor’s appointments, and fittings, and it’ll be a while before you’re used to a regular prosthetic arm before you can try the fancy ones for things like hitting a baseball.”
He nods emphatically. “I know. But Coach Rhett said in the meantime I could come to practice and be a base runner and work on my throwing. There’s stuff I can do, Mom. He’ll help me. He’s, like, the head of players or something.”
“Head of player development,” Juni supplies. “He was great with Charlie, and all the kids. It was pretty cool to watch this guy throw a ball around.” She ruffles his hair and he ducks away, even though he’ssmiling. “We were just looking at different prosthetic attachments for baseball. There’s some super cool stuff out there.”
Yeah, I’m sure there is. I’m also sure they’re super pricey.But that’s my problem to worry about, not Charlie’s.
“Alright. Well, let’s talk more over dinner. And tomorrow I’ll see if I can get an appointment with Doctor Kellan down in Victoria.”
Charlie jumps off the couch, dislodging the cat, who lets out a grumpymrowp, and throws his arms around me. “Thanks, Mom.”
I hug him back tightly. It’s been a rough few weeks for him, adjusting to the move. I’m thrilled he’s finding his place in Cedar Creek and finding friends, even. “You can thank me by helping Aunt Juni with dinner while I shower. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Several hours later, dinner and dishes are done, Charlie’s homework is complete and in his backpack, and I’ve just finished tucking him into bed with Gus curled up at his feet. I sink down on the couch next to Juniper and lean over, resting my head on her shoulder. “How am I gonna do this, Juni? I want to give him everything he wants, everything he dreams about. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to.”
What I don’t have to say, because as my best friend, she already knows, is the harsh truth that being a single parent to a child with medical needs can mean having to decide between breaking my kid’s heart or breaking the bank. If my parents hadn’t stepped up and helped us over and over again, we never could have afforded thetherapy he needed when he was younger to learn how to function with one arm.
Charlie deserves the world. He’s a great kid. And what parent doesn’t want to set their child up for success in any way possible? But doing that on my own is sometimes impossible.
Juni kisses the top of my head affectionately. “Babe, you’re the best mom for that kid. I know you’ll find a way to make it work, or you’ll find an alternative that is just as good. And don’t forget, I’m here to help if I can, and I know your mom is, too.”
